Narcissistic Exhibitionist at work

Beast and Stars

2010-04-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

Was just intrigued by the whole Vanesse Wu and Arissa Cheo saga...

Being voyeuristic and curious (that makes a nice combination isn't it.. ), I just went to see their twitter and the pics that are availble online.. Quite a good looking couple actually. :) Arissa reminds me a little of Junice.. Yes, I think Junice's gorgeous in her very special way. =]

Anyway, back to the thing.. I read sth fr vanesse's twitter abt media and men's nature..

I suppose the media's like a beast..
that serves no one, not even its master (presumably it has one)
It feeds on life
and
to wish that it would/could be tamed, it's just like wishing upon a star

If you're lucky, your wish comes true,
by pure coincidence.

That being said, I still wish upon the stars...
hoping that,
coincidence does happen
one day

some day

Cute guy alert

2009-03-07T10:46:00.003+08:00

yesterday, on my way to the french alliance, I saw a cute guy on the bus!

I think I was taking 48 from opposite cluny court to opposite sarkies road. HE LOOKS SO YOUNG THOUGH! gosh. cos he has a crew cut(did i spell tt right?), so I think he's probably in BMT. haii.. in times like these u just feel very shameful and very old.. haaha..

BRING ME BACK TO 16! THEN I CAN DATE THE CUTIES!! hahah. or make me like Benjamin Button for a while. hhaa.. (not forever pls, tts quite scary).

I met up with danfeng on fri for breakfast.. I suppose we'll prob make it a routine thing.. nice to catch up with him. (as long as it's not toking abt religion).

I also talked to en on msn aft so longg... we've been so out of touch w each other I feel.. :(

And I met up w jamie... she's getting married soon.. n she has a clear idea of wat she wants, so I have no place in this whole thing except to go boutique shopping n plan my speech. HAHAAH..

I met up with a lot of other people too in the past few months that I'm back. Every meet up brings me new revelation..

Just a while ago, I stood up against someone for being double standard, and basically too obnoxious. And that's the end of the conversation. I was glad that I did it anyway. It's not everyday that you get to give someone a piece of your mind without fearing the consequences. But I suppose sometimes, when it gets too much, it is necessary to show that you are not a push-over.

I was not rude. Being rude would make me look like her.

It is still a mystery how the blind can claim to be able to read (as in with eyes).

Man set MP on fire

2009-01-13T16:36:00.004+08:00

These few days, there has been a lot of whoohahs abt the incident when this MP was set on fire by an old man who is quite lunatic.

Honestly, I am more concerned with the welfare system of Singapore for the unfortunate.. mentally disturbed, physically disabled and the old folks.

According to the news, the old man has kids but nobody's taking care of him, he stays alone in his house and his door has around 10 locks which would take him around 20 mins to open. It is clear that he is not in a healthy living environment. He has nobody to ensure his physical and mental health.

I know that a lot of articles and government representatives have been discussing about the importance of tightening the security around the MPs because they have a high exposure to the public and that it makes them vulnerable etc. However, I can't help but feel that there is a lack of emphasis on the root of the problem. This is a very occidental medicine kind of treatment. Instant but superficial.

More attention should be put on why did we let an old man who is mentally unsound wander around on his own? This endangers not only the MP, but the general public as well. Instead of focusing on the harm he had done onto the MP, we should also note the potential threat to the general public. And, it's really not his fault that he is mentally unsound. It is more of the fault of the relevant body that he was not put into the proper place. Perhaps the family is poor and thus could not afford to pay for his monthly expenses in a psychiatric ward or some asylum, then in this case, shouldn't there be more subsidies?

I was watching this debate/discussion on the transformation in the 'management' of the Shaolin Temple in China. And I was DISGUSTED!!I thought that the teachings of Buddhism have got to do with being detached from the worldly affairs/wants. But Shaolin Temple is trying to 'integrate' into the world and attract more people into believing it by doing all sorts of advertising and publicity stunts. Like sexy ladies dancing in the temple as part of the advertising campaigne. Gosh. As a reverend/monk said, Buddhism is not against commercial means to obtain more wealth. BUT the catch is to distribute the wealth that you have obtained for the good of the general public or the people who need them. It would be against the teaching of the Buddha to ACCUMULATE ENDLESSLY the wealth. This is not a business conquest, we need not have Shaolin Temple expanding throughout the world via M&A and all those businessy stuffs, and it is even more ridiculous that the reverend of Shaolin Temple was flaunting his MBA degree. GOSH. What is this world coming to?! A charity organisation, a place for peace and solace, a supposedly unworldly place... is being ran like a business organisation where the objective is to maximise profit! When u learn MBA, even when u r adopting the Stakeholder model (vis a vis the Shareholder model which is more stock-price oriented), ultimately the reason to be nice and be considerate towards everyone else, is still because it will maximise your profit and help your company to progress in the long run. The objective of places like Shaolin Temple should be to make more people happy, or to help more people in times of need. Its help should not be conditional, and worse still, as a form of trade. You might need certain financial means to achieve the objective of helping people, but you should not make financial profit and 'enterprise' expansion the sole purpose or the top priority! This is tainted with ambition. One might argue that only when you are getting more and more powerful, can you have greater ability to help others. This is somewhat a very ambitious objective. Why are u not contented with helping whoever you can already help around u? instead of WAITING till 'who knows when' to even start helping at all? Endless accumulation of wealth without manifesting it into anything useful/helpful/concrete is NOT benevolence, it's ambition, it's greed, it's human pride. And everything that is not in accordance with the teaching of the Buddha. That's my 2 cents. Somehow the way that Buddhism is being run in China is becoming more and more like Evangelical Christianity.... I used to find Buddhism appealing because it believes in fate and destiny, if you are fated to know and appreciate the teachings of Buddha, it is ur fate and u have the chance to attain Nirvana if u are 'fated' to do that. But the way that it is argued in the Shaolin Temple case, it's getting both more commercialised like a pop culture, and also preachy in that it claims to wish to reach out more to the general public to 'convert' them by arousing their interest.

Since when did u start SEEKING for believers?
since when did u start thinking that it is 'better' to learn ur way?
Since when did u become such a proud religion?

I am again, more disappointed in the institution of religion.

A long awaited post

2009-01-10T09:52:00.002+08:00

Gosh, the last time I blogged it was 20 Nov...almost 2 months now! and it was not even an amazingly long post... lol

Anyway I'm glad I'm back after being away for so longgg... I've acquired a whole lot of new habits in the year that I've been away. And I'm glad that I'm this way more than before.

I only used my phone for around 5 times since I'm back.
I've only been to 3 places since I'm back. (not even Orchard road, or anywhere central)
I've only met up with 2 friends since I'm back.

Gosh, it's really refreshing to be free from the obligations of SMSes and Phonecalls.

I was tempted to not have a handphone this year actually, but I gave in because I realise that it's gonna be hell if I were to meet up with friends whose plans change last minute.. etc.

Ranting Ranting Ranting.. that's what this post sounds.

I'm in the process of re-studying for O levels (lol) with my sis. I will be doing my homework while she does hers, and I will be checking that she does them diligently! (she tends to have problems with teachers for not handing in homework).

This semester I'm not staying on Campus. It might take me some time everyday to travel to and fro school, but I guess it gives me more excuses for not staying in school late or to go out often with people who assume that people staying in Halls n Residences are FREE to hang out. lol.

I'm not like sick and tired of the world, thus retreating into some hole for recuperation. I'm just lazy. I need time to read some books that I've been wanting to read for ages, I need time to reflect on issues that I've put on hold for ages, I need time to sort out my priorities.

I'm at this stage where, I am thinking of taking a while off to learn things that I've always wanted to learn (I mean graduate and then and do stuffs I want for a while before getting a job). I don't mean to be a free-loader... just think that if I don't learn them now, I'll never get to learning them.

We'll see.

On a side note, superstitious Pan realised that the year of Ox is good for Tigers! vis-a-vis the previous year when she's supposed to wear red undies to ward off the extreme evils in the year. hahaha.. Hope so!! And for Taurus, this year she's supposed to have lousy flood of romance luck... like.. i guess quantity surely does not equate to quality this time round. lol.

Take a break then! No potential dates this year! I shall aim for this year to be a VERY platonic year!

Make Women Laugh

2008-11-20T16:42:00.002+08:00

Stumpled upon this phrase while surfing the net.. on making women laugh cos I recalled Josh saying that there is some french saying about how if u can make a woman laugh, u r halfway on her bed.. haha

'Women sometimes take on the “dominant role” only to sift through the guys to find the ones they are willing to be controlled by.'
I think this is quite true.. well, at least for me!

Malfunctioned love!

2008-11-19T03:45:00.002+08:00

Char and I possibly have the most malfunctioned love for each other. if we were to be like a couple. ie either of us a male.

I was thinking of my 21st celebration, and I think that Charmaine would be the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!! cos she's just so romantic!!!!

:)

I wish I can find someone that romantic in my life!!!

on brand unconsciousness

2008-11-19T02:50:00.000+08:00

was in Rome the other dae w Eviann, mi canadian-macau friend..

I was looking at her cute bag. and I was feeling the velvetish texture of the crocodile print on her bag.. n im like wat a cute bag!! wat brand is this? Crocodile brand?*

She gaf mi a look tt's like.. if-u-arent-mi-friend-i-wulda-smacked-u-long-ago. n she said. it's LACOSTE! hahhahaa

gosh i was soo embarrassed. and Gab asked her if the crocodile brand exist. n she's like IT DOES! ITS THOSE CHEAPO BRAND TT CHINESE PPLE ALWAES GET!! hahaa n im like I KNOW!!! ahah cos tts wat mi parents alwaes get for their friends!! HAAHA

n we just culdnt stop laughing!! haha ah well.. haha

That Almost Lover of mine

2008-11-19T01:46:00.004+08:00

Todae I received a postcard from Charmaine.. Another one. This time it is from Brunei.. a few daes ago it was from Japan..

I think it is prob the most romantic thing that a person can ever do.. She alwaes surprises me with romantic gestures! ahah such as mi 21st bdae celebration, and this. she talked about how we would talk about certain issues.. if we were in Brunei together..

And of course, of boys.. haha..

It is so romantic.. I just can't help but think that if there could be a guy who is that special towards me..

and I realised that I think.. I'm fine just the way it is. :)

It is still love that I'm feeling.

Of course, I sent her several postcards during mi mths of travelling too.. but I m not the kind to take things for granted. Her sending mi postcards is not an obligation, but a real bonus. :)

续罗马假日后给爸爸的经典信件

2008-11-18T19:50:00.002+08:00

my keyboard canot input the letter 'y', so any chinese letter tt has the y are unable to be used.. I tried to replace with other words.. tt makes this email sound so.. weird. haah but the gist is funni. :)

爸爸妈妈好！！
我上个周末去了罗马。。没睡好。

头天晚上，我住的7人宿舍房间的人太没素质了！我睡在上铺，下铺的人半晚上回来，然后就再那里have sex!!!我太吃惊了！！晚上我的床都在颤动着！！晚上当然没睡好！！其他几个人都睡得打呼噜了！昏倒！！！！

早上早点起来去火车站跟同学碰面。然后跟从伦敦去罗马的同学碰面。。后来几天没那么恐怖。。可是宿舍的人都好吵！！

我觉得罗马就差不多啦。。他们的雕像和建筑都挺壮观的。。可是就是头天晚上的震惊残留到后来几天。。我没睡好心情不会太好。。哈哈不过我的旅行伙伴们都很好！玩得很开心。。而且男生在就是比较方便，能帮忙看地图，看旅行书里面的介绍然后解释给我们听。哈哈！享受！比自己1个人跑，来得轻松。

咳！下回我自己赚钱就不住这么多人的房间啦。。太没素质了美国人。。没点文化。。任天还笑我说便yi没好货！！

哦我告诉任天啦，如果30岁我们还找不到人就我们两个好算了。哈哈可是觉得现在，我们两个都不太适合。。哈哈。他赞同！哈哈。其实我本来觉得任天跟我的成长经历，家庭背景都挺配的，可是1天晚上我做了恶梦！梦到我得和他好，然后梦里很不舒服，觉得很拘束，最后醒来告诉自己。。勉强是没幸福的！！哈哈
笑死我了，我觉得你读了这段肯定很震惊！为什么我那么坦率！！哈哈我告诉任天了，我爸爸妈妈都觉得你不错，我觉得你会是最适合我的人，我们如果30岁还找不到人好就我们两个好算了吧！哈哈
但是我说了，他的人定不下来，如他的名字。。他赞同。我觉得，我是个不太想再被失恋而困惑许久的人。太麻烦了。太烦心了。哈哈。如果找人，就找个比较靠得住的人比较好。

再说吧。。我还是觉得性生活最好是能保留到婚后才发生的。。现在很难找到能赞同我的看法的男生了。。任天都承认自己很色，还说不色的男人you问题，但是我觉得恩。。还是男生能看得住自己，能尊重女生的贞操，比较好。哈哈

天啊！！我不能想象你跟妈妈读完这个email后的震惊！！哈哈我看罗马那晚真的留下了很大的yin yin.. 人家One Night in Beijing我留下许多情，我是One Night in Roma我留下许多惊。

Is there no room in Rome?? (pun intended)

2008-11-18T16:49:00.002+08:00

Indeed, as suggested in Julius Caesar, there is indeed no room in Rome...

"Now is it Rome indeed and room enough,
When there is in it but one only man."

Not for Caesar,
Not for Me.

Cassius thought Caesar's ambition too big for Rome.
I think that people's libido's too huge for Me in Rome.

Quite different. haa..

I stayed in a hostel around the train station in Rome. A 7-bedded room.
I was on the upper bunk bed, and for the first night, a couple (well technically not really a couple since they sort of just got to know each other... how i know? I'll explain later) was having hot steaming sex under my bunk that set my whole bed rocking for quite a while.

Somethings that I picked up in my semi-conscious state.. while trying hard to psycho myself that the rocking is like a distant memory of my childhood in a cradle.. or that it is like a forgotten memory of my pastlife in an earthquake zone where earthquake's so normal that one can sleep to the small tremours on the ground...

Woman:"how old are u?"
Man:blabalbal sth along the line of tell mi urs
Woman: "i ask u first"
Man: blablablablabla i think some sweet talks or sth to make her say her age first
Woman: "20"
Man: "28"

...........
THE END OF THE PORNO CONVO TT EPITOMISES DECANDENCE

Life is such a box of chocolate.. interestingly, that morning I was still reading the book "Eat, Pray and Love" and it talked about Rome having a keyword.. If u share tt keyword, u'd belong to the city, or else u'll always remain an outsider. and that word is "SEX"

I think I'll never fit in in Rome.

Not updated in ages..

2008-11-12T22:58:00.002+08:00

Been so caught up with work, travelling and basically.. Life.

I'm so tired, physically. But I figured that while the spirit is strong and the flesh is weak, I need to push the limit and enrich my soul through reflection and nostalgia. haha Notalgia always makes me feel more appreciative of things around me, and of the present. :) ironically. haha.

As usual, I like to look at Ally McBeal for inspirations..

Ally McBeal: The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, Even if I'm going to bed alone.

Ally McBeal: Here I am, the victim of my own choices. And I'm just starting.

Ally McBeal: Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

Ally McBeal: Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.

I wonder..

2008-09-17T18:46:00.003+08:00

Went to a Singaporean national day gathering last sunday in Antwerp, talked to some people about anything u can possible talk about.

There was this couple who was saying that they have spoken to a marine biologist who said that the deep sea floor of Mediterranean sea is already all gone.. there is nothing there anymore. And we have already passed the point of no return to save the earth.

Then Gigi mentioned the Mayan calendar of 2012 being the year of having earth entering into another state. No, it is not the end of the world as most thought, it is merely a drastic change in the way people live etc. n tt everything enters into a new cycle. changes in the earth's magnetic fields too.. causing flood or earthquakes etc. belgium alreadi has some small scale earthquakes in the recent months. that sounds impossible, but it happened. the mayan calender thus ends on 21 dec 2012.

was looking at the crop fields.. n all other things about different civilisations' prephecy on various cosmic events.. it is amazing to find that we are not so different after all. we all have the same understanding of nature, sometime, somewhere, in the ancient history of human consciousness. we have all the same instinct, probably, of how to live, just like the animals and things in the nature. but instead of progressing, i think we are degenerating.

animals know when there is a natural disaster, and they run for their lives. Instinct.
human seem to have sold his instinct to money and machines.

I imagine myself as a mayan in the ancient history, reading the stars, not knowing what exactly would happen in the thousands of yrs to come, but knowing that everything is indeed written in the stars. I would carefully calculate and draw out the calendar, hoping that my future generations would make good use of my studies. I would never have expected the disappearance of my civilisation, my works gone to waste, or being referred to as just a course of mystery studies in some obscure place on earth. I would have thought that my work would be important enough for people to take nature and life seriously, important enough to be referred to on a daily basis, as an important and indispensable part of life.

Then I thought of the aliens. yes, I believe in aliens. as much as I believe in the existence of a greater power. they might not be the same, or they might, that i cannot say. but I can imagine if aliens were the ones responsible for the crops, they must be really concerned with human beings. I wonder if they are as strange looking as we made them out to be. I wonder if they are looking at us 24/7, studying us as some sort of playthings or studying us with concern and hope to help.
Or, do they really hope that they can live with us.
Are they really incapable of loving?
What makes men think that love is so unique to human?
I wonder if aliens have a solution to the destructions on earth. If they can travel so far to find us, maybe they can save us too.

I also wonder, if they can save us, what are they waiting for?
I wonder if we look stupid to them, or do they envy us, as we hoped they would.

then I wonder about strange and non-related things like, do aliens have many different languages and religions among them.
and are they really as far as we thought them out to be?
do they really need water to survive?

If aliens do exist, how mani of them are there?
Are they the guardian angel for each person? maybe not by birth, but I would imagine the aliens to have a nice system, that all of them 'adopts' each of us on earth, and looks over us.. balancing things in our life, like the way we play with Sims city. Yes, they screw up some of the lives, like beginners.

Then I also wonder, what happen to the ghosts. Are they aliens in another form, or are they really ghosts? what do aliens do with the ghosts and spirits? are there ghosts in the alien world too?

I wonder how alien music sounds too.. are they all very intelligent, or do they vary in intelligence and capabilities like us too?

I wonder if they like our songs, our movies, our ethics, our love.

I wonder if they cry like we do, when they are sad, or are they capable of being sad?
do paradoxes exist in their world? are they too logical to allow such things, or too wise that they have already come to terms with them?

Finally, I wonder if they could live happily ever after with their loved ones. If they could, I would wish taht they can help me do that too! maybe i m not special enough..

i imagine myself sending in my CV and my CL to the aliens, persuading them to allow me to live happily ever after with my loved ones.. and I go through interviews... maybe I wont even get to the interviews part..

I wonder wat do aliens look out for in a person whom they render as good, capability or empathy. i probably wont be able to triump either anyway.

then there are those X-men like pple w supernatural power. what are those? are those with helps of aliens?? can I have some? It would be interesting.. but scary too.

i have so many questions to ask, but nobody can ever tell me any answers for sure, because everyone is in this system and we cant get out of this to look at us from another entirely different system.

till then, I shall continue wondering...

My Palm reading..

2008-09-03T18:51:00.001+08:00

http://www.astroyogi.com/palmreading/result.asp

Palm Reading
THE LINES ON YOUR PALM TELL THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE

Result

Hi Pan, you have a vigorous hand. Dynamism, power, leadership and zest characterise your personality. Highly energised and enthusiastic, you hold out even during tough times. But remember not to overdo this. Your decision-making is swift and on-the-spot most of the times. Versatility is thy other name. You are also romantic, but with a generous dash of challenge thrown in.

Your index finger is short. This makes you a dependable team player. A position of command is not for you. But you do have a keen eye for detail. You can be impulsive; not all your moves are quite rational. Look out! Stress could get the better of you. Your index finger being longer than your ring finger points to you being realistic but aggressive at the same time. Yet, you are not able to stand your ground at times. Your sense of judgement is finely balanced. Your middle finger being longer than the adjoining fingers in length signifies an even view towards life. You are extremely organised; seldom ever do you 'come apart' in any situation. You seem to have all stages of your life worked out to the last detail, and possess an unbiased and sagacious personality. You evaluate and analyse all your actions towards achieving your goals in life and get there through sheer dedication and will power. The top of your ring finger is in level with the base of the fingernail of your middle finger. You are a sweet talker and can seduce most people and bend them to your will. But this style may have only short-lived results! Your little finger is set evenly at the base with the middle finger. The scrupulousness in your personality is your finest asset. It leads you to take rational decisions. Your little finger reaches above the first flexure line (joint) of your ring finger. You have the gift of the gab and can talk endlessly - all you need is a listening partner.

you have a vigorous hand. Dynamism, power, leadership and zest characterise your personality. Highly energised and enthusiastic, you hold out even during tough times. But remember not to overdo this. Your decision-making is swift and on-the-spot most of the times. Versatility is thy other name. You are also romantic, but with a generous dash of challenge thrown in.

You have the twilight years to cherish. You have a long life span and will live to be at least 70. You attach a lot of importance to customs and rituals. You prefer constancy and stability to change. You are deeply attached to your home.

Your lifeline does not touch your line of head. You are an independent and non-conventional person. Don't let over confidence get the better of you. Your headline ends in a fork. You contemplate deeply before executing plans. This trait is usually inherent in lawyers and authors. Your headline is medium straight. You are a highly rational individual. You are thought oriented and never act before thinking it through.

You are a completely transparent person. You have no inhibitions in sharing your innermost feelings with others. You are mature and non-judgemental, accepting people just as they are. A fast-paced life is not or you.

Your fate line is centered. This indicates that you are a perceptive individual. You tread carefully in life owing to past negative experiences.

May 2008 horoscope

2008-08-28T21:37:00.002+08:00

Taurus's May Love Horoscope

On the 1st, you may have to take a step back and reconsider a few of your romantic alliances. Are you just a little bit too loyal to an ex? If they don't watch your back the way you watch theirs, perhaps it's time to put some distance between you. Friendships that used to be more can make for dicey waters, so if the drama level has become more than it's worth, take stock and evaluate what you're really getting out of it. Then, draw some new boundaries or just walk away. Focus on bringing new love into your life, and stop tethering yourself to the past. By the 3rd, things will be looking up way up in the realm of romance. Somebody new and fresh could appeared on the scene and leave you with butterflies in your stomach. By the time the 7th and 8th roll around you may be so smitten you can't see straight. Are you feeling a little jealous? If so, take a little time out on the 12th to do some grounding exercises. By the 17th and 18th, you'll be ready to implement your new romantic strategy in a highly effective manner, but on the 24th, don't let them push you to go faster than you're ready to. If they want to take things to the next level, at least consider it, but know your limits and stand your ground. Then, on the 30th, end the month with a very romantic date.

waahh....

and for the week:
You'll never know unless you try, and as this week gets going, the stars say go for it when it comes to romance! Whether it's breaking the ice or taking it to the next level, saying how you're feeling is favored. Why waste time? Then while Thursday and Friday aren't custom-made for love -- be careful about how you're coming across now -- the weekend looks fun and fabulous. Do a little pre-planning to make the most of life and love. Your friends, a certain someone and the universe as a whole will really appreciate the thought (and heart!) you put into it.

for 30 Aug Daily Horoscope:

Daily Flirt:
It's high time you made your move on that one hottie -- or got closer to the one you've been pursuing It doesn't take much -- maybe a simple touch -- in order for you to bridge the gap.

Daily Singles:
Have fun today when spending time with someone you've been crushing on. No need for a hot and heavy date. Keep it light and carefree. The less pressure you can put on the activity to go well, the better.

HARH?! Lidat of course I STRESSSS.. lol

contradictory

2008-08-21T20:22:00.002+08:00

From my entries, i probably sound like someone who has opposite and contradictory views on China. Possibly written by two different people even.

I guess that is my problem... as a modern Chinese. I need to define what does it mean to be a Chinese these days..

The problem is, sometimes I just cant find the reason to do so. Why define ur identity when it is such a fluid concept.. It might make ur life easier. But it closes u to alot of other possibilities too.

I think I will just indulge in this dilemma until I finally figure it out.. someday.. perhaps.

Revelations

2008-08-21T20:10:00.002+08:00

Been reading a few articles on a Chinese website on their thoughts and feelings on certain issues at hand..

I'm glad about something, and sad about others.

http://www.chinaaffairs.org/gb/detail.asp?id=86350
This article made me realise just how ridiculous the opening ceremony is.. No wonder even my family and myself found the ceremony boring. It has no soul. Perhaps the German telecasts were right about it. It was a blatant show off of what we THINK makes our civilisation so great. It is a list of the things that we think others should know about us.

Our VERY distant ancient history, our VERY inadequate recent civilisation development, and our VERY worrying future existence.

We are not a great country simply cos we invented paper, gunpowder or anything so concrete and so superficial. Plus, it is not the inventoin of the entire race. It is the invention of individuals. The article was right. The Americans didn't claim credit for the inventions that are credited to Edison, nor do the Jewish community claim credit for Einstein's theory of relativity. But I am afraid, that the communist party has destroyed so much of the past, so much traditions of the past, that it makes it impossible to have a performance on cultural development of the civilisation and with soul. There is probably not many people working on this opening ceremony who is learned enough, and passionate enough about the entire chinese civilisation, to add the X factor to it.

This whole thing looks like a joke sometimes, it is like the reality of the movie 'Da Waner' that mocks movie producers who put in every bit of Advertising into any element they can think of. To the point of it becoming ridiculous. even ludicrous.

How ironic, that the country that has its people and arts and everything so geared towards money and capitalism, is the one that names itself after the other extreme of capitalism.

Alvin email

2008-08-21T19:10:00.005+08:00

Was talking to Alvin online a few days ago, and we got into a heated debate over if the world should give China a break. Alvin said that China has been stopping UN actions in the Burma genocide, because China has much national interest in the country. I know that it is not a right thing to do, but that does NOT justify the whole western world coming together like a big bully and chew out every bit of China.

We should view things and make criticisms as they are. Not pull out every little bit of the dirty laundries in a country n hope that together, it would bring the country down. That is sneaky. Do it with integrity if u can.

I told Alvin, I would not agree with him in criticising china on the pure basis that I still consider myself a Chinese. Of course I am a Singaporean for sure too. It is not mutually exclusive. I will elaborate that in a little while. So i wrote him a letter.. as below:

.i haf been thinking abt ur argument on the burma-china thing.. (see i am not a non-reflective person!)

and i think while it is understandable tt u r taking this moral high ground to criticise china for ignoring the massacre/genocie/whicheverterminologyused, it is important to see that by condemning china and china alone, it is a very hypocritical n double standard thing to do. While China is not flawless, it is definitely not totally and completely flawed too.

Sometimes, it is always the extent of how far someone would go for something that we debate over right? How much is too much? How far can we go as a country when it comes to protecting our own interest before it is too much? ever thought abt singapore's stand in this too??

I was reading this article http://www.smh.com.au/news/business/singapore-a-friend-indeed-to-burma/2007/09/30/1191090945019.html thus the thought.

it is an old issue. but it is the same idea. i am just angry that the world attacks china from every single aspect. THUS give china a break. Be fair. Do not attack one country, pull out every single dirty laundry it has like a big bully. and while i might not seem like i appreciate wtaever u said abt china.. i wuld definitely not agree with u outrightly because i believe that stuffs likethis are meant for the people to resolve on their own. not for others to sae. u might think tt it might b a realli silly thing to ask the so-called 'brainwashed' pple to provide a form of surveillance to the communist party, cos it is as useless as asking a narcissist to look out for others and to be critical of himself, BUT (well, since the international favourate sentence structure seems to be in the form of: china is doing this.. althought another country also does something like this.. BUT china is worse... I shall use this structure too, just for dramatic effect) trust that the society is changing, chinese people arent as ignorant and stupid as u think. just cos u r not realli closely involved in the chinese society and all the web debates and engagements of the people that the chinese govt does not report, does not mean tt the people are stupid and dont know wat is goign on n haf no mind of their own.

a pity u dont read too much chinese. or else u can go to certain chinese forums and get more inspired n more understandings of the way people think. of course u mite not associate chinese govt w the chinese people, thus it is right to criticise the govt n makign it a separate entity fr the chinese people. but do note that as an outsider, when u criticise one establishment, liek it or not, people take it personally. unless u r one of them, then criticising the govt is more acceptable n the pple are less defensive. like me. I think u make sense in wat u say, but the way u put ur ideas across, if u need the ideas to actually get thru to pple, needs to be more sensitive and empathetic.

i trust tt u can be an effective communicator, and advocate of certain ideals.. but bear in mind that people need to feel respected before they respect ur ideas.

i am just still not over the whole damning china thing... just tot i shuld let u know tt nxt time u wanna make mi 'admit the faults' of china.. bear in mind that i wuld never bitch abt china or singapore to an outsider.

Pan

I think i am just very defensive when he approached this topic with so much disrespect for my identity as a Chinese. He always jokes about me being a China country girl or sth.. If u have no respect for another person's cultural identity and origin, u cant get ani idea into tt person.

I hope that he learns to be less sanctimonious and obnoxious, learn to see from another person's perspective, see and understand why people are still proud of China despite of all the flaws in the system (no, it is not cos of brain wash mind u). Loving the land might be argued as different from loving the system, but it is not all that different. I see it more like loving a person.. like a Mom loving a child.. Im sure u have heard of stories where a mom just gives money to the useless son who gambles away althe money and beats her up for more.. and she still loves him and wants to protect him. It is not the right approach we should go if we want the best for the country, of course, but that would be the approach taht we would take when everyone else seems to be ganging up against us. We would be forced into defense, and we would be forced to unite and support the establishment which might not even be for the best of the country. Why? cos at least we feel respected.

Men might not be able to survive on pride and hope alone. But we definitely feel more worthy alive.

On the point tt my identity as a China-Chinese and a Singaporean are not mutually exclusive. It is not an attempted mockery tt Singapore is so China-fied that it is as good as being part of China. It is a serious issue I have been considering which has further made me think in the most recent olympic games when China and Singapore were fighting for the table tennis gold medal.

Admittedly, I wanted China to win. Not because I love Singapore any less. But because China would need it more to prove something. There are always different priorities in me when I am put in a position like that. In this case, the ability to win more gold than America and thus claim the first top position in Olympics for China would be a greater priority than Singapore winning the first gold medal in the entire history since independence. If tables turned, and Singapore is in China's position, I would have supported Singapore to win. It is not country specific, but issue specific.

I guess not many people believe me on that. Especially the people in Aachen. But I dont need people to anyway, what matters is that I know that I have not let myself and those who trust me down. thats all that counts aint it?

all fakes..

2008-08-21T15:28:00.002+08:00

hmm. interesting. was blog surfing and saw this comment:

Kexin He is age 14; Nastia Liukin is a Russian Kexin’s passport has age 16; Nastia’s passport is American Documents can’t change one’s face; Arguments can’t change one’s origin It’s wrong to fake the age; It’s a shame to compete for an opposing nation

and someone commented abt how china digitally photoshopped in pple for certain occasions.. n blablabla.. it happens right? Derek showed mi this foto of a naked woman with a hot bod.. in the foreground. n u can see the background shadow that has been left out of the editting process unintentionally.. n u can see that the shadow is that of a fat girl. with excess fats bulging above where the underwear ends.. u noe that kinda fats? so well.. where does it end the concept of truth and reality, the concept of wat is acceptable white lie and what is despicable ones?

Pride and Prejudice

2008-08-19T20:05:00.005+08:00

I have been very unoccupied at work, so I have been more than ever updated with the Olympics news.. and related news... and thoughts. lol

A few things that brought about quite a bit of controversies ever since the opening of the Olympics in Beijing.

firstly, it is the singing girl who was actually lipsyncing. The authority apparently tried to hide the fact originally, and after gotten found out, they had to admit to using 2 different girls, one for the face and one for the voice. For the perfect combination. Much as I am biased towards China, i have to say that they should not have tried to cover this whole thing up. Also, the reason this being all-inclusive, involving as many people as possible.. is a bad one. I would rather that the authority apologise for the disillusionment caused to the general public.. Already the image of China is bad enough in face of all the counterfeits, we should not try to make it worse with more fake news and illusions.

That being said, the media is just so keen on exploiting this thing to prove that the chinese are fakes. I wonder if there was such big sensationalisation when the celebrities like britney and pavarotti lipsynced during their famous performances.. Perhaps the originals are sung by them originally anyway, so it is probably more pardonable since it is not a total bluff. Then again, we need to reaccess where do we draw the line between truths and fakes? How fake can a fake go to be considered truth? and vice versa? Since absolute truth and thus fakes are inaccessible to us, it is then quite pointless to keep pointing out things at such a micro scale to prove the massive scale to generalise the entire china.

Then, there is the whole issue on the Chinese athlete's age. ie the gymnasts. 16 yr olds being actually 14 or sth..He Kexin is the central figure of this dispute. apparently a few other sources previously proved enough that she is actually around 13+ or 14. instead of 16 as legally required. this again.. reminds me of the few classmates in pri sch who faked their yr of birth.. so they are older than what is recorded on passports.. in order to get into pri sch n not be too old or sth for it.. It happens. No excuse for that. I know that as a Chinese I would really want China to win, but I think maybe if we'd won it or lost it square and fair, it would be better. It's just that, again, it is the same issue on what is fairness. In swimming, if u train in the best outfit, the least water resistant and body hugging outfit, thus developping ur muscle differently n thus sort of modified ur body to a fish like structure (probably u can even haf plastic surgery to put in some gills). does it make it fair or is it plaeing cheat? If China were to do that, wel it would be cheating. If US were to do it.. hmm.. maybe it would be considered uhh.. technologically advance. Always it seems that.. fairness is a subjective term. doing things clearly against the written regulation would be unfair, as defined loosely by the public. But if u do things that is not written in the regulation, then it would not be. So does this apply for steroids too? Before there is a good enough technology to test out the most formidable and disguisable steroid, that steroid would be sanctioned by the authority since it was not banned? So does fairness boil down to the whole concept of you-are-not-guilty-until-you-get-caught?

if that is the general agreement. then well, China has been fair since it's not been caught yet. LOL.

Also, the argument over the gold awarding to He Kexin over Liukin despite both getting the same score. The official report was that Kexin made less mistake than Liukin. Well, of course pple always like to argue over that too. they are arguing that one should not give on the basis of technical mistakes as this is a subjective game.. which is a strange argument. Subjective would be in the style and not the technical aspect isnt it?

And as for the girl who fell on her knees and stil gotten bronze. I was there wtaching the event.. and I was surprised she got such a high mark for her Vault 2 too. but zool explained that it depends on the difficultz level of ur routine. if it was a harder one.. u get some basic points for executing that. so that could have explained it. plus, she scored pretty well for the first execution. so thats why she got bronze.

I think i sound like i am an olympic geek!! haha.. This is what happens when u r on an internship.

Also, there has been some hoohahs over China's selection of their Olympic representatives. U see, China's olympic selection has always been rather.. complicated. it is rather political rather.. the personal image of the athletes, as well as their strategic standing in the competition in view of the other countries. it was not a gd thing if u were to talk about the achievement n chance of individual athletes in the competition.. but it is probable understandable given that it is a competitoin that is closely associated with national glory. Criticising the Chinese for selecting a certain athlete with better or healthier public image over another, is hypocritical for people who supported the resignation of Bill Clinton. We all know what happened. Public image vs private life, it is rather (the key word of the day) UNFAIR to have double standards. when it comes to criticisms.. tis always.. this country can do this n tt.. BUT china cant BECAUSE.. haha.. it is such a cliche expression and arguement that u can probable bring like 10 articles n do it as a class article to fill in the blanks... lol

Olympics has been a political thing made by the you-know-whos this time round. or rather, all the while. So this is just.. playing the game as it has been played. China is just playing to the world's tune.

nice songs..

2008-07-18T15:45:00.002+08:00

I think Lara Fabian has some really nice songs.. :)

She actually sang a duet with Josh Groban!!

haha I remember that I used to be so crazy over Josh Groban and Michael Buble that I saved my house number as Josh Buble.. haha and for a while after I changed the name.. I kept getting 'surprises' from this Josh Buble number calling.. as if he really exists. haha

Thanks to Anna nd Charmaine's craziness.

confused..

2008-06-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

Hmm... I think I might have to forsake my Italy trip too... :( *sigh*
I sent my prof the documents, only to realise that eventually I still have to wait for company's documents to arrive, get them signed and send back. So actually, I had to wait for the documents no matter what, and it's time-sensitive.

In this case, if I cannot get everything done by Friday, I cannot leave for Italy, and if I cannot leave for Italy, I might as well skip my whole Italy trip, and only go Geneva.

Yes, that shall be the plan.

I think that I would be terribly bored here though..

I shall think of something to do.. :)

Speech

2008-06-23T17:30:00.003+08:00

I came across a nice speech by a foreign Chinese student in France.. it's in Chinese, so I translated it into English for better understanding..

Ladies and Gentlemen, dear Chinese and French friends, good day!

First of all, I would like to thank the Parisians and the Paris Police Force for granting us the opportunity to gather here today. This is a rare occasion, and probably the biggest Chinese gathering in the history of Europe and France.

I would like to say a few words on behalf of the friends who travelled by bus, trains and cars, for hundreds of miles from other cities to gather here, all at their own expenses. Many of the friends are unable to join us, nevertheless, I would like to express our unanimous concern towards China, France, the French people and the friendship between the Chinese and the French people.

In this incident where the Chinese government is demonized by the news reports, we, as well as the Chinese foreign students all over the world, feel the pain. We are very much affected and hurt, but we do not blame the French people, because it is not you who incurred such pain on us, rather, it is the act of irresponsible media reporters and professional sensationalists.

Like all professions, reporters and the media have a moral code of conduct which they abide by. It is the ultimate pursuit of the media to deliver an objective, truthful, neutral and fair report. Regardless of the reason, malign and slander, groundless accusations and distorted facts, are definitely out of the question.

In the recent reports, some reporters clearly abandoned their identity as a reporter, and transformed into some self-righteous, sanctimonious judge who had access to the ultimate Truth. They even over-simplified everything, making issues seem so one-dimensional and superficial. They clearly divided the roles for the two parties right form the start—one party being the ultimate victim who is helpless and kind, and the other being a tyrant who is overbearing and cruel.

Then, reporters went all the way out to find evidences to fill up the stories that revolved around the roles. For example, selective narration of history, identifying the Chinese revolution as a form of invasion to the piece of land that is inseparable from China, and intentionally disregard the fact that 95% of the Tibetans were under the dark caste system of old Tibet where religion and politics were under the same ruler; mistaking Nepalese polices as the Chinese polices; using photos from decades ago to support their stories of the moment and trying to pass them off as facts; spreading unverified and unsupported messages such as ludicrously coiled-up figures of death and also deploying the interviews and accounts from people with ulterior motives.

There are accounts and videos taken by the foreign tourists, showing the violent protestors battering and assaulting innocent bystanders. None of the media said that those were mistreatments and abuse of the innocence. Some irresponsible media even created and enforced the unsupported, unverified and highly distorted idea that it was the case of a bloody repression by the Chinese government.

These medias rarely invite Chinese people onto their programmes to listen and consult them on their point of views, even if there were, they were put onto the defendants’ stand, against everyone else who had the right to judge him. Indeed, you have the right and liberty to criticize that the Chinese government, at a certain point in time, denied the access of reporters into Tibet, however, you do not have the right and liberty to fabricate stories with regards to things that you do not know.

The treatment of the Tibet reports is a form of media violence, a form of intentional deceit, an abuse of the freedom of speech, propaganda for distorted facts, and a shameless sham.

The first victims are the French people, who are full of sympathies and benevolence. They trust the media. Unfortunately, they are being manipulated.

The western media used to be the model for others to follow, but not anymore. Nobody has the right to control and manipulate mob ideologies and discussions, not in China, or anywhere else in the world. This is another form of oppression on the freedom of speech within the so-called ‘model of freedom of speech’.

There are also some idiocies of the supposedly outstanding French politicians, which never fail to appall us.

What is known as ‘human rights’, is the holy grail in some cases, and the shield for all venomous acts with a political agenda behind them in others. Take Robert Mcnel for example (borderless reporter association president), why was he nowhere to be found when the cruel tortures and corporal punishments repeated themselves endlessly in the Guantanamo prison, and when the Iraqis were abused by the American soldier? Is this not a form of selective visual impairment?

The UN eventually discontinued their support for “borderless reporters”, and in a report, the UN explained that the borderless reporters failed to deliver objective reports regarding certain countries on several occasions, and it was a breach of the reporters’ professional ethic.

Why does this happen?

On the internet, and also a source recognized by Robert, we understood that “borderless reporters” is sponsored by some organizations that are connected to the CIA.

We, overseas Chinese students, are very hurt, but we do not hate the French people.

We come from two very different parts of the world, with very different cultures, experiences and ideologies. We are all the first victims in this cultural, ideological and definitely political uproar.

Back home in China, our fellow Chinese people trust the point of view of the foreign students, towards the foreign countries, a lot. Their understanding and impression of the foreigners and foreign countries are dependent on the overall impression given by the foreign students.

In cases of the western media’s accusations, which are made up of false and fraudulent reports, many of us are beginning to retaliate—rebutting, verifying and clarifying the truthfulness of the reports on the internet. We have all realized, that some French people who have been thoroughly brain-washed by the media, have a lot of prejudices towards the Chinese.

As the outcry to boycott Olympics 2008, to boycott China in the name of freeing Tibet grew, so do the sense of mistrust and distrust in the Chinese people towards the Western society. The effort to change and progress on the part of the Chinese government has yet to achieve a state of Utopia, calling her the epitome of best governance is equally ludicrous as calling her the epitome of worst governance. However for our generation, the youths ranging from 20 to 30 years old, we have been growing with China, we see our lives changing, our standard of living improving, and our society becoming more liberal.

We are shocked and perplexed, that just as everything is developing and progressing towards a better future, and just as our lives are getting better, there is a sudden influx of people who wish to ‘save’ us from the so-called ‘the world’s greatest dictatorship’! I would like to enquire, where have you been all these years?! The Chinese who have been pursuing knowledge in the Western society are full of hope and aspirations for the future. Indeed, china has a long way to go, and us the Chinese, have an immense amount of confidence and faith, in the future progress of China.

China has a different culture, a different history, a different system. Sociology is not as precise, clear-cut and one-dimensional as rocket science. In this area, to become an “universal model”, there are too much uncertainties.

Come to China! Come and see the True, Complete China! The China that the western media would not present to you! Come to Tibet! Use your very own eyes to witness the so-called “erosion of culture”; judge for yourself if such erosion really exists; if the Tibet language is disappearing; if the Lamas are able to practice their own religions freely; if the Tibetans are living better than when they were under the rule of Dalai Lama! Talk to the older generations of Tibetans, ask them about their unforgettable “Nirvana”. We need a lot more direct contact and communication and we would continue to sacrifice for this cause!

We overseas Chinese students support the Olympics, support the Olympics in China. This country that has one fifth of the world’s population is qualified to host the Olympics.

Olympics belongs to who?! It belongs to you, it belongs to me, it belongs to us, it belongs to everyone, everyone in the world. This is not a stage for political power plays. Dear politicians, those political hooligans who oppose China, please stop your erosion and manipulation of the spirit of Olympics!

China as the host country, wishes to present to everyone in the world a splendid present. Billions of Chinese people worked and struggled for years for this day. They are welcoming people from all over the world with arms wide open.

As the Olympic flame is passing all over the world, there is a common message: China welcomes everyone to come, the Chinese people look forward to celebrating this grand occasion that is marked by great human spirit and love.

Whenever certain media mention that the disruption in the Olympic flame is a slap on the face of China; whenever the flame that represents love and peace was treated disrespectfully by the protestors, I reckon that it is indeed a slap on the face, not on that of China, but on those of the Chinese people, the French people, and everyone in this world who loves Olympics.

Many French people seem to be apprehensive towards China, which stems from their lack of understanding of China. This is precisely the reason why we wish that you could contact and communicate with us directly, and through us, love and hopefully reinforce the bridge of friendship between the Chinese and the French, in order to understand China better.

China and her culture determines our natural tendency towards peace. Since the Qin Dynasty that united six countries, China ended her war-plagued and divided state, and became a complete, unified and independent country. We all belong to this big family.

I believe that this is the cultural bearing that has 5000 years of history. Is this worrying? But culture is fluid and alive. When you use the chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant, the Chinese culture is extending its warm welcome.

Demonizing China would only push the Chinese people away from the western part of the world, increasing the distance between the people.

Please let us communicate in the right way!

I wish to deliver another message to you. We as the overseas Chinese students, sincerely hope that there would not be animosities between the Chinese and the French people, because this is irrational and unconstructive. Us, who understand the two different cultures, hope to be the bridge of contact between the people of the two countries, as a centre for communication. We hope that you would hear me out on the real thoughts and feelings of the Chinese people, and at the same time, would deliver on your behalf the friendly concerns of the French people to China. Please trust that, us as the bridge, would be as concrete and firm as never before, especially under the extremely difficult and regretful situation of the moment.

My dear French friends, we welcome all of you to come, even those who wish to “create some trouble in Beijing” (originated from the speech of a certain European senator). We would help them find a better insurance company, to cover for any civil responsibilities.

Let us meet in Beijing, my dear friends!

Thank you, thank you very much!

Tibet encore

2008-06-19T23:00:00.004+08:00

Yes, it is Tibet encore. I had the intention of dropping this issue for a while, but i saw a wall to wall post fr liping to xinen saying that she wants my blog address cos she doesnt agree w my pov on tibet. haha

In case liping will b reading this, I am hoping that she knows that I am fine w her not agreeing on my pov cos most singaporeans probably do not agree w me too. This is normal. However, considering my background of growing up in China and spending a considerable amt of time in the Chinese system and having relatives who have been to where the Tibetans stayed n all, I suppose that I am less likely to believe everything that is reported in the news. Yes, the Chinese newpapers tend to be propaganda-ish, that is what they say. That is why nobody believes hundred percent of the news that is pro-govt. On the contrary, those press that boast of neutrality in their reports, pple fr all over the world read n believe in them like the holy scriptures. I think in Chinese we have a saying like All serpents bite.

I am not saying that the chinese government is absolutely right in forcing Tibet to stay as part of China. I am also not saying that it is right for them to drive out the noble Tibetans enslavering the normal Tibetans since their old system was built on a caste system and most pple are born into slavery. I am just saying that it is despicable for the western media to manipulate the reports, sensationalise issues, and even create stories out of nothingness or impossibility. VERY VERY irresponsibly in fact.

A very good example is the BBC, They blatantly manipulated theh story n accused the chinese government for not reporting the olympic torch incident in London. But we have the facts, and for those who have enough general knowledge to know that China is ahead of the London time by 7 hrs, knows that certain news cannot be reported in time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZBuAau9VFA
this is a video of the BBC footage n the facts listed out.
Yes u can see that BBC had NO CHOICE but to apologise. But what a pathetic apology.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2008/04/between_times.html

If u can read the facts, then u wuld know the source of my anger.

The Chinese government is not perfect, and they know it, and the people know it. But neither is any government. The difference is, the Chinese government are not sanctimonious about their actions, yes perhaps they are when it comes to driving the landlords n dalai lama out of Tibet, but wouldnt it be double standard for the international community to condemn them for being sanctimonious n imposing what they think is gd for the people n the country on another place??

Democracy, Human rights, arent these concepts built on the notion that the personal individual self is important? i am not saying that i think that im insignificant and that i do not wish to be respected, I am just saying that certain media tends to demonise the chinese government by putting them at the very other extreme end when it is not the case. If you want me to say, I would say that the freedom of speech and human rights that we have in Singapore is equivalent to that in China. The difference is just how is the power relation of the two countries w the rest of the world. Singapore has a very harmonious one, so everyone is ok w Singapore cos we hold no threat to anyone, no substantial threat anyway. Also, I really do not think that democracy and human rights applied to the extreme can bring us utopia. They are, after all concepts based on human, and men are ultimately flawed.

Democracy, look wat democracy has brought to america---Bush.
Human rights, look wat the human rights troops and volunteers did to help the places they were supposed to be helping---more sexual exploitation by certain individual volunteers n abuse of the people detained by them with rightful reasons.

In the monarchy system, it is dangerous because you are depending on chance to see if u get a good emperor to rule you and bring u prosperity. Cos it is in the blood of the family and not by merit.

In the democratic system; it is dangerous because you are depending on everyone else to see if you get a good ruler. Cos it is also in the manipulation of ur idea n impression of a certain person. Take Sarkozy for example, he was elected cos he had a positive media image. Now everyone hates him. But who do they have to blame. Only themselves for electing him.

The monarchy system sometimes might be taking too much blame than it deserves. Cos the people had no say over it, so anything that went wrong naturally is the fault of the system and the monarch solely. Where in a democratic system, you have to swallow bitter pill because u were partly responsible for it. In this case, it might seem that there is less blame on the ruler or the system, it is more on the mob stupidity of the moment that resulted in the current situation.

Just to sum up, Truth, Right and Wrong are not absolutes. It is only which side are you on. And which side do u believe more in. I remember a very good quote..

“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.”

Everyone has his own agenda for doing certain things. Whatever works for him.
every country has people who want to get separated cos they probably just think that being exclusively theirs is cool or sth. just to name a few of the various places in certain countries fighting for independence in the country but the media simply downplayed those..

Italy
Belgium
France
Canada

Shame on the media that condones the people who resorted to violence to gain international attention. Not only do they make the world think that being violent is the right way to fight for freedom, they also make the world think that being machiavillian is the best way to win a battle. Yes it is perhaps the best way, but it is the dirtiest way.

If u are ill-informed of all the false media accusation of the Chinese government on the Tibet issue, I urge u again to look at those video clips on www.anti-cnn.com and judge for urself who is the manipulative, propaganda-ish one. And of course I believe, if u alreadi believe in sth, u will find more arguments to negate those that you have watched. There can be arguments that those videos are made up and that those are just the stories on the part of the Chinese government. I hope that you know enough Chinese to read the featured articles of all the details that prove that all the stories are indeed fabricated. If i am still unable to convince u, then I propose that we agree to disagree cos there is no point in arguing on personal opinions rather than facts.

For those who can read chinese, I have a wonderful speech to share.

太震撼了！留法学生李洹的精彩演讲
　下面是李洹法文演讲的全文译文，略有删节。

　　女士们，先生们，亲爱的中法朋友们，你们好！

　　我想首先感谢巴黎人民和巴黎市警察局给了我们今天这次机会让我们聚集于此。这是罕见的一次，也是欧洲和法国历史上最大的华人集会。

　　我想代表从别的城市，乘坐大巴、火车和汽车，从几百公里以外自费赶来的朋友们说几句话。很多朋友没有能与我们相聚于此，但是我想替他们表达他们与我们一样的对中国、对法国、对法国人民，以及对中法友谊的关注。

　　在这次对中国的妖魔化的扭曲报道事件中，我们，全世界的中国留学生，我们感觉很痛，我们的感情受到了伤害，但是我们不怪法国人民，因为造成这样结果的责任人不是你们，而是一些不负责任的媒体和职业煽动家。

　　像所有行业一样，记者和媒体有自己要遵守的职业道德。媒体要求公正，客观，对所报道内容的核实，以及评论的适中。无论如何，也不能诽谤和诬蔑，没有证据地责难，扭曲事实。

　　在对最近发生的事情报道中，一些记者超出了他们原本的报道角色，完全变成了自认为拥有绝对真理的批判家，甚至把事件可笑地简单化。一个弱小而善良的受害者和一个巨大而残忍的暴徒。他们的角色从一开始就这样人为地被分配好了。

　　然后，记者们找寻各种方式和手段来证明这两个角色。比如说，选择性的阐述历史，认为中国的革命对中国不可分割的一部分是“侵略”，而故意不说95%受煎熬的藏人的黑暗的政教合一，把尼泊尔的警察当成是中国警察，用几十年前的照片来说今天的事情，传播根本没有验证的信息，比如根本没有可信度的所谓死亡人数，以及选用一些别有用心的人的口述。

　　那些外国游客的描述，和他们拍到的视频让我们看到暴徒对无故路人进行令人发指的暴力，没有一个媒体说这是对无辜者的施暴。更有甚者，一些不负责任的媒体制造并强迫人们接受一个根本没有任何可信和公正证据的“血腥镇压”的假设。

　　媒体很少邀请中国人在节目中阐述他们的观点，即使有也是把他放在被告的位置上，而另一方的则是在数量上几倍于他的“法官”。是，你可以批评中国政府在一段时间里不允许记者入藏，但是不能捏造不知道的事情。

　　这种处理西藏暴乱信息的方式，是一种媒体暴力，一种意识形态的欺骗行为，一种话语权的霸权，一种扭曲事实的宣传，一种无耻的欺骗。

　　首先受害者是法国人民，他们是多么的具有怜悯心和博爱，他们相信媒体，可不幸的是，他们被操纵和欺骗了。

　　西方的信息模式本来还是人们的一种效仿模式，它现在不再是了。没有人有权力操纵大众舆论，不能在中国，也不能在世界上任何地方。这是在所谓言论自由模式中的另一种压制言论自由的方式。

　　还有一些作为法国精英的政客的思维惰性，让我们无比震惊。

　　所谓人权，对某些人来说是圣战的号角，和一切有政治目的不负责任的煽动的盾牌，比如说对于罗伯特·梅纳尔（“无疆界记者”组织主席）。为什么此人在官塔那摩监狱里的酷刑不断重复，在伊拉克人被美军士兵侮辱的时候消失了？这是不是一种选择性的失明呢？

　　联合国教科文组织终止了对“无疆界记者”的支持，在一份公告中，联合国教科文组织解释说，无疆界记者多次在无客观所言地报道某些国家的过程中丧失了记者职业道德。

　　为什么呢？

　　从互联网上，同时也是我们的罗伯特先生承认的信息中，我们了解到“无疆界记者”的财政支持是源于一些与美国中央情报关系密切的组织。

　　我们，海外的中国学生，我们很心痛，我们的感情受到了伤害，但是我们并不怨恨法国人。

　　我们是两个截然不同的世界之间经验与信息交换的桥梁，我们也是这场文化、思想，尤其是政治冲突最先的受害者。

　　在国内的中国人非常相信我们这些留学生对国外的见解。他们对于国外的认识和印象取决于这个留学生群体的感觉。

　　面对捏造或者说传递虚假消息的西方媒体的指责，我们这些学生中的很多人开始反击，在互联网上辩论并呼唤报道的真实性。我们都注意到，被某些媒体 “喂饱了” 的有些法国人对于中国有着很深的偏见。

　　在抵制奥运，抵制中国，所谓自由西藏的叫喊声中，中国人民对西方世界的审视和不信任正在增长。中国政府的努力还远没有达到尽善尽美的地步，说它是世界上最完善的和说它是世界上最差的同样可笑。但我们这一代，我们这些20岁到30岁的年轻人，从我们年幼时起，我们就一直生活在中国生活水平不断提高及自由度不断开放的环境中。

　　我们很惊讶，在这一切都向好的方面发展的时刻，在这个我们生活比以前更好的时候，国外才有越来越多的人想把我们从所谓的“世界上最大的独裁”中“拯救”出来！我想问，你们以前在哪儿？我们这些在西方求学的中国人，我们对未来充满了自信。的确，中国还有很多事情要做，而我们，我们中国人，更是对这些进步的实现有着前所未有的信心。

　　中国有另一种文化，另一种历史，另一个体积。社会学不是一种像数学精确的科学。在这方面，要成为一种 “普遍的典范” 有太多的变数。

　　来中国吧！来看看一个真实的，完整的中国，一个很多西方媒体不会展现给你们的中国，来西藏吧！用你们的眼睛来见证那个所谓的“文化灭绝”，是否这种灭绝真的存在，是否藏语正在“消失”，那些喇嘛们是不是可以自由的信仰他们的宗教，西藏人是不是比在dl的神权统治下过得更好！和那些上了年纪的西藏人聊聊，谈谈他们永远无法忘记的“佛教天堂”。我们需要直接的交流，更多的知识交换，我们会继续对此作出贡献！

　　我们中国留学生支持奥运，支持奥运在中国举行，这个占人类五分之一人口的国家有资格承办奥运会。

　　奥运是属于谁的？奥运是属于您的，属于我的，属于我们的，属于我们大家，属于全世界的人民。这不是一场政治游戏。亲爱的政客们，反对中国的那些政治势力的走卒们，请停止你们对于奥运的污染。

　　中国作为东道主国家，想为全世界人民送上一份最好的礼物。成千上万的中国人呕心沥血多年，就是为了这一天。他们正敞开怀抱欢迎世界各国的人们。

　　当奥运圣火在世界各地传递的时候，所传达的是同一条信息，那就是欢迎你们的到来，中国人民期待和你们一起庆祝这个充满人性关爱的盛会。

　　当有些媒体提到，这次圣火传递失败是给中国的一记耳光。当代表着爱与和平的圣火，受到一些专门抗议者的侮辱行径时，我认为这确实是一记耳光，但不是给中国的，而是给中国人民的，给法国人民的，给全世界所有热爱奥运的人民的。

　　很多法国人似乎对中国有一种恐惧，这种恐惧来自于对中国的无知。这也是为什么我们希望你们可以直接和我们沟通，通过我们，热爱并希望巩固中法友谊的桥梁，来进一步了解中国。

　　中国和她的文化注定了我们爱好和平的本质。自秦朝统一六国后，中国从此结束了原来分裂的状态，成为一个完整独立的国家。我们便属于一个大家庭。

　　我认为这是一个具有5000年历史的文化的高度。这会令人担忧？但是文化是鲜活的具有生命力的。当你们在中国饭店使用筷子的时候，中国文化正向你们充分地展开它的怀抱。

　　妖魔化中国只会让中国人愈发远离西方世界，只会加剧人民间的距离。

　　请让我们好好沟通！

　　我们想给你们其他一个信息。我们中国留学生，非常诚恳地希望中法人民之间不要有敌对情绪，因为不管怎样这都是不理性的，也是没用的。了解两种不同文化的我们，希望成为这两国人民的一座桥梁，一个信息沟通点。我们向你们诉说的是中国人民的真实想法和感受，我们同时也会传达法国人民对中国善意的关注。请相信我，这座桥，将会前所未有的坚固，特别是在这种极度令人遗憾的现状下。

　　我亲爱的法国朋友们，我们热烈欢迎你们所有人的到来，甚至那些想“在北京制造混乱”（一个欧洲议会议员的言论）的人。我们将会帮助他们找到一个好的保险公司，为他们提供一种包括所有民事责任的保险。

　　让我们北京见吧，亲爱的朋友们！

　　谢谢，非常感谢！

Stone Sharon Stone

2008-05-30T18:32:00.004+08:00

There're some people whose names are ominous, such as that of Sharon Stone. For those familiar with the punishment of stonning people who have committed certain crimes, I think it is perhaps life's way of telling Sharon her destiny, or in her very own word her "Karma".

Recently, there's the incident of Sharon Stone making such a public statement about the Sichuan earthquake.

"I'm not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else," Stone said Thursday during a Cannes Film Festival red-carpet interview with Hong Kong's Cable Entertainment News. "And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice that the bad things happen to you?"

Well, trust that I have loads to say about this.
Just to start off by analysing the most fundamental aspect of her statement--diction. Evidently it comes from a culturally, historically and politically ignorant hollywood actress.

"The Chinese", the Chinese refers to people of China, and ethnically speaking there are 56 ethnic groups in China and overall termed as the Chinese. Yes, that includes Tibetans as well. Isn't it strange that the Chinese (including Tibetans) should be getting what she proudly termed as "Karma" from being "unkind" towards the Tibetans themselves according to this poor diction of hers? Well, I'm sure her religion probably does not condone self-mutilating acts (assuminng that there is unkind treatments of the tibetans by the Hans), but is 'karma' applicable under her religion at all?

"Unkind", well well, first I'd have to give some credit to Sharon for her attempt to be 'kind' with her diction, such that she's using the 'unkind', the negation of kindness, which is much more subdued as compared to using a word like 'cruel'. It makes things a lot better, and puts her at a much higher moral standing. Though there's nothing 'kind' about using this word. But, I still have to say, the issue between the Hans and the Tibetans, over the issue of Tibet, cannot be simplified by the word "unkind". It's not a moral battle, it's a political and ideological one. I guess in the dictionary of politics and ideologies, the word 'unkind' doesn't exist. It certainly takes someone of great understanding of the whole issue to reduce it to something so simple: "unkind". Perhaps she's trying to follow the Albert Einstein philosophy to "reduce everything to as simple as possible", but perhaps when she read that quote somewhere, the other part of the page got torn away or the printing wasn't that good, so she missed out on the part of "but not simpler". Well, perhaps she really was a good girl who studied very hard in school but due to bad karmas like this, greatly misconstrued a lot of the information that she received.

"Karma", the complicated word that says so much yet means so little. For someone who was in Scientology, and only converted to Buddhism in the recent years, she surely learnt lots about Buddhism and Karma effects. I wonder if she got her understanding of Karma really from Dalai Lama or did she get it from Alicia Keys?? Cos certainly Karma, again, has been reduced simpler to the idea of "what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, blablabla"

Enough about diction. Now logically speaking. Building on her fundamental belief of Karma, and that the 'Chinese' were 'unkind' or 'not nice' to the Tibetans, I thought that it'd be natural for her to ask "What have the Tibetans done to deserve this?!" and well, I'm sure her alter-buddhist-ego will respond with her favourite buddhist word of the day "karma". If everything is credited to karma, then we arrive at a chicken and egg problem. If something bad happens to someone else because that someone else is bad to you, then you must've done something bad to have someone else being bad to you right?

Then, if she's truly benovelent and all, why would she think that the innocent lives lost is a result of their own actions when they have probably no business in Tibet, and probably most of them have never even met a Tibetan before.

Recently, Iceland has been hit by earthquake too. Well, they surely have no business with Tibet! Since when does God start siding the sanctimonious and the ignorant? God probably would pity the ignorant, but he certainly wouldn't support the sanctimonious.

Also, if she's truly fightin for 'human rights' and not just 'high-society-tibetans rights', then aren't the lives of sichuan people worth caring for as well? Or does she only care about 'rights' and not about lives? Perhaps it's in her education system to believe that being right and having power is much more important than being fed or staying alive. Sometimes some pple just get their priorities wrong, and like my Paris friend who is now working in Shanghai says, a lot of people don't even know what are they fighting for! I was really proud of him when he explained (yes i acted ignorant just to see if he knows his stuffs) that Tibet was in a feudal system of slavery and all.

Rizal asked if I read Zeitgeist (not sure of the exact spelling), it talks about how the world is a big conspiracy. how the US used Al Qaeda as an excuse to invade Iraq, claiming the possession of weapons of mass destructions which was never found by the way, and set up their military base there. This tibet issue might well be yet another conspiracy by yet another similar government body of similar objective to set up yet another similar military base in Tibet and thus ensuring their power hold in the region.

Busy

2008-05-28T23:07:00.003+08:00

Been really caught up with work and travel that I've got no time to update my blog, except to post some articles written by other people. lol

Well, at least I am still reading :).

Alright, I guess my output's been redirected in the form of letters written to my family.. :) And I don't really enjoy narrating the same things twice.

I'll b home on 14 Jul 15.35h I think.. :) well, home sweet home!

I shall sleep to get over my jet lag.
on 15 Jul it shall be haircut in the morning, and facial in the afternoon! then home for further recuperating activities such as dinner w everyone including CANDY CHEN! haha.. it's rather exciting to have Candy over for the summer vacation cos tis' like some sort of home-stay programme :).

Then 16 Jul maybe i wil go MAMBO! if im not TOO tired.. :) or else, I can always go for K box! or simply, read books :)

Ah well. busy. haha.. i'm always busy enjoying life.. :)

Ok, now that i've got my daily dose of internet, I shall revert back to writing my report for corporate finance.. comparing the regulations of SGX to that of the NYSE.

Rejection Letter

2008-05-28T23:06:00.003+08:00

This is another post found on facebook.. by our dear Steph.. haha. I luv it :)

In view of (inevitable) events to come, I have decided to be proactive and start drafting my correspondences--

Dear Admissions Committee:

Having reviewed the many rejection letters I have received in the last few weeks, it is with great regret that I must inform you I am unable to accept your rejection at this time.

This year, after applying to a great many colleges and universities, I received an especially fine crop of rejection letters. Unfortunately, the number of rejections that I can accept is limited.

Each of my rejections was reviewed carefully and on an individual basis. Many factors were taken into account - the size of the institution, student-faculty ratio, location, reputation, costs and social atmosphere.

I am certain that most colleges I applied to are more than qualified to reject me. I am also sure that some mistakes were made in turning away some of these rejections. I can only hope they were few in number.

I am aware of the keen disappointment my decison may bring. Throughout my deliberations, I have kept in mind the time and effort it may have taken for you to reach your decision to reject me.

Keep in mind that at times it was necessary for me to reject even those letters of rejection that would normally have met my traditionally high standards.

I appreciate your having enough interest in me to reject my application. Let me take the opportunity to wish you well in what I am sure will be a successful academic year.

SEE YOU IN THE FALL!

Sincerely,
Steph Wong

God Exists

2008-05-28T23:05:00.001+08:00

Found this on an article posted by a friend.. on facebook. hah.

This is a philosophical discussion between a university professor and a student. The professor presents the common athesit argument that because suffering exists in the world ('the problem of evil') and if God allows the suffering to happen, does not know the suffering is happening, causes the suffering, is unable to stop the suffering then he is malevolent, not omnipresent, not omnipotent or he does not exist (or he is dead). I didn't write this. I did, however, steal it and edit it slightly as well as adding pictures, thus improving it beyond recognition. If you have any questions, I absolutely insist that you do not hesitate for one second to ask someone else before asking me. Enjoy:

DID GOD CREATE EVIL?

Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question: "Did God create everything that exists?"
A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked.
"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"
"Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"
"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact, sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong, sir, darkness does not exist, either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wave lengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name was Albert Einstein.

"When I read the Bhagavad-Gita and reflect about how God created this universe everything else seems so superfluous." ~ Albert Einstein

This si funny

2008-05-16T20:12:00.001+08:00

haha I think the Bruce Lee at the end was really a bad ending.. very inappropriate in fact.. I'm sure tt he's the pride of China.. lol

"Let's be real-- Politicians gets brownie points for being racist. In China, they unify the country by accusing Tibetans and Westerners of destroying the country. In the US, they blame China for all the ills of the US economy.

Everyone is trying to get re-elected, so you can almost guarantee the politics is going to be racist and simplistic.

On the other hand, Americans have lost all credibility on the world stage to criticize anybody bc of Iraq. Americans are also the most racist people on earth-- because they actually invite different races to the country with the promise of equality-- then they learn they will always be second class citizens.

China has never promised equality to races. China has also never liked nor asked for foreigners to naturalize in China.

To me, at least China is honest about their racism. The US is biggest bait-and-switch artist-- and, it'll catch up with them soon. Whether it's poor arabs or it's poor blacks or mexicans or asians-- somebody will come to collect from the US. What comes around, goes around. Thank goodness for Justice!"

interesting :)

God saves the people...

2008-05-16T19:44:00.002+08:00

I've been looking at the Chinese websites and talking to my cousin in China for the news on Sichuan Earthquake, it's really very upsetting.

My cousin said her mom and her would watch the news everyone and they'll b cryinging to the images and all. it's really sad.. I didn't think much of it until I went to take a brief look at http://www.qq.com and all the images and stories.. it is really very very upsetting.

And guess what, the US only sent in 500,000 USD of help.. my gosh, imagine how much money they've pumped in for the Tibet independence.. ok maybe they're in a recession. poor them.

And my cousin in Germany told me that the second most important channel in Germany was suggesting that Premiere Wen Jiabao was shedding crocodile tears.. they have only bad interview of how the people in the earthquake hates olympics and that they were saying that there was no aid and all..

Excuse me, if ur family is dead, n u've lost everything, IM SURE that Olympics is on the top of ur mind. This is only on the top of the mind of the politically manipulative and hypocritical countries AKA U-noe-who..

And seriously, EVEN if wen jiabao was shedding crocodile tears, and shedding crocodile blood (he fell when he was helping out at the earthquake scene), that is something that A LOT of politicians in the part of the world where they promote human rights instead of human lives, DO NOT even bother doing.

Saudi Arabia donated like 5 billion i think.. n i was saying.. this is a good time for them to make the connection with China.. cos in time to come, if the western powers were to continue their cultural oppression and political pressure on China, they're gona turn China more towards the Middle Eastern countries. I have no idea what are the western powers thinking! they seem to be pressing for conflict instead of harmony!

But seriously, Saudi Arabia has been very nice to China this time round, and I'm sure that Chinese people will not forget this. We never forget the hand that feeds us, nor will we forget the hands that stab us.

I am just getting more and more annoyed with the BLATANT AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS RACISM IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE! MAN! What civilising the asians, what liberating the people, what boycotting the olympics, if you have no respect for the human lives in Sichuan Earthquakes, and you have no sympathy or empathy or kindness towards the Chinese people who suffer, you have no right to even talk aobut all these things regarding China.

tibet againnnnnn...

2008-05-05T20:48:00.001+08:00

Greater China
Mar 28, 2008

Tibet, China and the West: Back to stereotypes
By Kent Ewing

HONG KONG - For China watchers who hope that mutual understanding and tolerance between Beijing and its Western counterparts will both broaden and deepen as China's international coming-out party - the Summer Olympic Games - approaches, the riots in Tibet have proved a sobering disappointment. And for all those hoping that the Beijing Olympics will not be politicized - it's too late, they already have been.

Once again, Chinese and Western leaders have shown us that when things get really tough in China - and the separatist-inspired riots targeting not just the central government but also innocent Han Chinese now living in Tibet and nearby provinces qualify as just that - both parties revert depressingly to form.

The Chinese government has attacked the Western media, the

Dalai Lama and all those taking part in the protests in language reminiscent of the Cultural Revolution while Western powers, led by Speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, have used the violence in Tibet as yet another excuse to demonize China's leaders.

Where we go from here is crucial for both sides, and China clearly has a plan: control Tibet and welcome the world to a peaceful, orderly and, yes, more open China for the Games. "Give us a break," the rising but troubled country all but cries out to the world. "Let us find our own way," pleas the nation of 1.3 billion. But is anybody in the West listening?

Western-inspired protesters, not to mention election-year politics in the largely China-ignorant United States, could very well derail the Chinese plan. Let's hope not. China has earned - and should be granted - its international debut at the Olympics, which can serve not only as a grand entertainment for the sporting world but also as an education to the ignorant about the daunting challenges it faces as a still-developing nation with its massive population. Meanwhile, however, Chinese leaders need to drop the throwback language of Mao Zedong and truly engage the West.

The trouble in Tibet reportedly started with a protest on March 10, the anniversary of a failed 1959 Tibetan uprising against Chinese rule, at Tibet's most sacred shrine, the Jokhang Temple in the capital of Lhasa. After riots broke out in the Tibetan capital on March 14, Tibet's China-appointed governor, Champa Phuntsok, got the rhetorical ball rolling for Beijing, denouncing the protestors as a "small group of separatists and criminals" and threatening harsh penalties for those who did not turn themselves in by a deadline established last week.

"No country would allow those offenders or criminals to escape the arm of justice, and China is no exception," said Champa Phuntsok, an ethnic Tibetan.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao went a step further, characterizing the protests as "atrocities of the Tibetan independence forces" revealing "the hypocrisy and deceit of [their] peace and non-violence propaganda".

In case anyone was wondering to whom Liu had referred, Premier Wen Jiabao clarified in remarks of his own. "There is ample fact and we also have plenty of evidence proving that this incident was organized, premeditated, masterminded and incited by the Dalai clique," the premier said at a televised news conference on March 18.

Before that, the Dalai Lama, Tibet's spiritual leader, had condemned China's crackdown on the protesters as part of the ongoing "cultural genocide" perpetrated by Beijing in Tibet, an autonomous region that he fled during the 1959 insurrection for exile in India. Chinese leaders have seized on the violence in Tibet, the worst in 20 years, as another opportunity to vilify the Dalai Lama, whom they regard as a dangerous "splittist". The Dalai Lama has employed some incendiary language of his own, but has also repeatedly called for peace in the region and made a point of supporting the Beijing Olympics despite the crackdown.

After rounding on the Dalai Lama, Beijing condemned the Western media for "biased reports" on Tibet and has done its best to push its own version of the story, which goes like this: a small, extreme group of splittists - organized by the Dalai Lama and his followers - sparked a hate-filled rampage in Lhasa, smashing vehicles and looting and burning more than 100 stores; the violence in Lhasa then led to a few copycat incidents in three neighboring provinces: Sichuan, Qinghai and Gansu. Reports in state media, supported by photographs and TV footages, described angry Tibetan crowds in Lhasa attacking innocent bystanders who were Han Chinese.

Beijing has also gone out of its way to underscore factual errors committed by Western news organizations, including the BBC, CNN, Fox News and the Washington Post. For example, state media pointed out that the BBC mistakenly described an online photo of an ambulance as a police vehicle involved in the crackdown on rioters in Lhasa. And The Washington Post was pilloried for running a photo of Tibetan protesters battling with police in Nepal's capital of Katmandu with a caption describing Chinese police thwarting demonstrators in Lhasa. Germany's RTL TV was forced to apologize for a similar error.

This has further fueled nationalistic sentiments among Chinese (presumably the majority Han people). Many Chinese netizens, in China and overseas, have expressed their support of the crackdown on riots in Tibet, condemning Western media for its "biased" reports to demonize their country.

"I was angered, as a media researcher, by their reporting," Zhang Kai, a professor at Communication University of China, told the official Xinhua News Agency. "They violated the fundamental journalistic principle of truth ... I was ashamed of my Western counterparts."

Indeed, the official Beijing line on the Tibet story involves two putative conspiracies, one propagated by the immoral "Dalai clique" pushing for an independent Tibet and the other supported by Western governments and media who want to sabotage the Olympics. The palpable anger that bubbles to the surface of remarks made by Chinese officials can, in part, be explained by the fact these embarrassing protests occurred during the annual session of the National People's Congress (NPC), the country's Parliament, in Beijing.

While admitting that factual errors have been made in their reporting on Tibet, Western media executives also complain about the news blackout imposed by the Chinese government on the story, which they claim has made such errors almost inevitable. If Chinese leaders want accurate reporting, they say, then let the international press in and show them what is really happening.

Beijing has responded by organizing a tour of Lhasa for a dozen overseas news organizations, most of which are located in Hong Kong and Taiwan. But the reporters are restricted to visits to burnt-out shops and damaged schools, temples and infrastructure, and their interviews will go no further than injured policemen and civilians and families of those killed in the violence.
But that did not stop a group of about 30 Buddhist monks from disrupting the tightly controlled tour of Jokhang Temple on Thursday by shouting out complaints about their lack of religious freedom. "Tibet is not free! Tibet is not free!" screamed one young monk, the Associated Press reported.

Nowhere is Beijing's distrust of Western media better illustrated than in the reporting on those killed in the riots. Beijing says 22 civilians died in the violence, but Tibetan exile groups, widely quoted in the West, claim up to 140 were killed. State media also report that more than 600 rue-stricken protesters, hoping for leniency, have turned themselves into police in Lhasa.

As for Western governments, while condemnations of China's crackdown have been the norm, no government has even mentioned boycotting the Olympics, although France raised the prospect of boycotting the opening ceremony, to be held August 8. The George W Bush administration has been remarkably restrained in its response to the violence, with the president reaffirming his plans to attend the games, but that has not stopped other prominent American politicians from speaking out.

If you are running for president in the US during a Chinese crackdown on anything - from democracy advocates to separatists to Falungong worshippers - the script is the same, no matter your party: stern condemnation is required. Senator John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee, along with the two remaining Democratic candidates - fellow senators Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama - have followed that script, winning easy applause along the campaign trail but doing nothing to help America understand its increasingly important and rapidly changing relationship with China.

To most Americans, China represents two things: totalitarian oppression and loads of cheap, often tainted and dangerous manufactured goods. After that, there is a huge void that needs to be filled, but don't count on that happening in an election year.

The most strident American response to the crisis in Tibet came from House Speaker Pelosi, long a fierce critic of China on trade and human-rights issues. Last week, Pelosi was the first major foreign official to meet with the Dalai Lama at his headquarters-in-exile in Dharamsala, India.

"If freedom-loving people throughout the world do not speak out against China's oppression in China and Tibet," she told thousands of cheering Tibetans in Dharamsala in India, "we have lost all moral authority to speak on behalf of human rights anywhere in the world."

Pelosi called for an international investigation into the violence in Tibet, but clearly she thought the Chinese government was responsible for most of it. "Nothing surprises me about the use of violence on the part of the Chinese government," she said.

Such remarks, of course, greatly pleased her host while absolutely infuriating Beijing, which denounced her through Xinhua as "a defender of arsonists, looters and killers". The prominent coverage given Pelosi's comments helps to explain the conviction of Chinese leaders that the Western media game is a losing proposition for them, especially in times of crisis. It is no wonder they expel foreign reporters from troubled areas, call news blackouts and then mount their own media campaign against Western powers. To the West, this is a gross violation of the basic principles of a free press. To the Chinese, it is a simple matter of protecting national interests from attacks that are rooted in ignorance and prejudice.

And it's true: not many in the West understand China's concern that separatists in Tibet could feed the flames of separatism in other places, such as the large northwestern autonomous region of Xinjiang, which borders Tibet.

Xinjiang, despite years of Han Chinese migration to the region, still has a majority Muslim population and a sometimes violent independence movement. Earlier this month, again according to state media, authorities foiled a terrorist attack on a China Southern Airlines flight that took off from the Xinjiang capital of Urumqi for Beijing. Details of the alleged attack were maddeningly sketchy, however, so it is hard to say what really happened.

Nevertheless, it is clear that Chinese leaders live in constant fear of those who would break up a nation that it has taken so much work (and so many lives) to put back together - and those fears are not confined to sprawling autonomous western regions but also include Hong Kong, which returned to the motherland in 1997 after more than 150 years of British rule. Taiwan - which Beijing claims as another stolen child and where China-friendly Ma Ying-jeou won a landslide victory in the presidential election last weekend over his more independence-minded rival, Frank Hsieh Chang-ting - also figures into the Tibet equation.

How much of this complex story will figure into the ongoing US presidential debate? Obama has courageously called for an honest national dialogue on racial differences. Who will be brave enough to call for an equally honest dialogue on US-China relations?

Meanwhile, China's glorious plan for the Olympic torch is under threat. The torch's 137,000-kilometer journey began on Monday in Olympia, Greece - accompanied by protests, of course - and will continue for another 130 days. In June, it will pass through Tibet and the three neighboring provinces affected by the violent protests of the last 17 days.

It could be a long, hot summer in Beijing. And 30,000 foreign journalists will be there to record the daily temperature.

Kent Ewing is a teacher and writer at Hong Kong International School. He can be reached at kewing@hkis.edu.hk.

Awards of the Century

2008-04-19T18:01:00.004+08:00

I'd think.. that..

Most repressive and uncivilised country: China
Most righteous country: USA
Most humble and altruistic country: USA
Most financially stable country: USA
Most anti-violent country: USA

So there, I think given that USA has topped the chart for majority of the award, we should give them a chance to say something..

USA: thank you, thank you, here's to the goons and thugs! It's not an easy journey, the UN didn't exactly support our decision to invade Iraq for Oillll~~Alll the freedom of the world! But we MADE IT! WOOHOO!! and I'm sorry China, Tibet is just different.. You see.. the Dalai Lama has been a resident of the USA since forever.. so we just HAD to support our resident right? It's AMERICA! We accept him for who he is! We love him inspite of him!

Remember Michael Faye? Well, he did shitty things, vandalised and damaged public property and all in Chinaaa oppps I mean Singapore.. *shrug* to us, they are the same cos as I quote Ms teen south carolina, "Most americans don't have maps!" Anyway, when he was sentenced to canning, it was outrageous for the US, because back home, we have FREEDOM MAN BABY! freedom to kill, freedom to destroy, freedom to do anything that is INVASIVE! that's OUR definition of freedom!

Oh sorry I was too excited that I digress!! Anyway, the thing is, I'd like to thank the Western Media, without which I would never beat China in more than one way! Thank you Sarkozy, without whom we'd never thought of the idea of using Olympics against China! Thank you also, Angela Merkel for so nicely liaising with the Dalai Lama to bring the issue of Tibet and Olympics together and providing endless support for their cause! Of course, out of all those many who supported me, I would have to say that we would NEVER have succeeded had we not had such powerful media that can convince our public that our version of truth is the ULTIMATE truth! and that everything the Chinese said are just propagandas and manipulated truths! The TRUTH IS! WE RULE THE WORLD! We're SHALL civilise the CHINESE! and we SHALL unite together like a century ago with the Italians, Austria-Hungarian, English, French, Spanish, Japanese... ALL 8 countries! And split China up like a big yummy watermelon!! wooo~ I love watermelons..

Oh yes, thank you the media for the great marketing! Just a few books and we manage to convince the world that the Tibetan monks and the Dalai Lama are peace loving people. Also, for the spectacular cropping skills in the photographs, without which the public would have seen the Tibetan freedom fighters burning and battering the Hans. Of course, how could I ever forget, OUR IMPECCABLE ABILITY to tell Asians part!! I'm SO proud of the media for being able to see that it's the Chinese police that battered the Tibetan protestors despite them dressing in the Nepalese and Indian police costumes and look suspiciously like Nepalese and Indian! I must say, the Asians look really similar, it must have taken you years of training to see through those disguises!!

Allow me to take a moment to pay respect to all the martyrs for our cause.. Bill Clinton, thank you for your contribution to the western media's credibility at the end of your career when it can no longer shake the foundation of the US. Also, many other countless celebrities, politicians, priests and everyone else who has suffered in order to convince the public that we're reliable and we report the truth! We tell the truth, and the truth is anything that is to our benefit as a whole nation eventually.

Oh! Before I get carried away, we a good winner as we all are, as you'd probably know from the history books and from high school general paper topics of how "history is written by the winners", I shall allow the minor winner CHINA to say something. Oh yes please bear in mind China, that anything you say can be taken against you, even if you ask the Chinese people to stay composed, that's a passive-aggressive strategy that you're employing, so we'll get you! we'll get you no matter what is your truth. cos we, the colonial masters, will rule the world with our ideology!

Thank you

China: Never allow yourself to be bullied into silence. 帝国主义亡我之心不死。Though the pen is mighter than the sword in today's society, and that the attack by the media will be seen as equivalent to the 8 nation joint armies that invaded China a century ago on hindsight, we shall stay composed. They might be able to win this battle, but they will not win the war. Like Gandhi, our response to what do we really think of the Western Civilisation is: I think that it'd be a good idea.

Tibet Myth

2008-04-19T18:00:00.001+08:00

http://www.michaelparenti.org/Tibet.html

Friendly Feudalism: The Tibet Myth
(updated and expanded version, January 2007)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I. For Lords and Lamas

Along with the blood drenched landscape of religious conflict there is the experience of inner peace and solace that every religion promises, none more so than Buddhism. Standing in marked contrast to the intolerant savagery of other religions, Buddhism is neither fanatical nor dogmatic--so say its adherents. For many of them Buddhism is less a theology and more a meditative and investigative discipline intended to promote an inner harmony and enlightenment while directing us to a path of right living. Generally, the spiritual focus is not only on oneself but on the welfare of others. One tries to put aside egoistic pursuits and gain a deeper understanding of one’s connection to all people and things. “Socially engaged Buddhism” tries to blend individual liberation with responsible social action in order to build an enlightened society.

A glance at history, however, reveals that not all the many and widely varying forms of Buddhism have been free of doctrinal fanaticism, nor free of the violent and exploitative pursuits so characteristic of other religions. In Sri Lanka there is a legendary and almost sacred recorded history about the triumphant battles waged by Buddhist kings of yore. During the twentieth century, Buddhists clashed violently with each other and with non-Buddhists in Thailand, Burma, Korea, Japan, India, and elsewhere. In Sri Lanka, armed battles between Buddhist Sinhalese and Hindu Tamils have taken many lives on both sides. In 1998 the U.S. State Department listed thirty of the world’s most violent and dangerous extremist groups. Over half of them were religious, specifically Muslim, Jewish, and Buddhist. 1

In South Korea, in 1998, thousands of monks of the Chogye Buddhist order fought each other with fists, rocks, fire-bombs, and clubs, in pitched battles that went on for weeks. They were vying for control of the order, the largest in South Korea, with its annual budget of $9.2 million, its millions of dollars worth of property, and the privilege of appointing 1,700 monks to various offices. The brawls damaged the main Buddhist sanctuaries and left dozens of monks injured, some seriously. The Korean public appeared to disdain both factions, feeling that no matter what side took control, “it would use worshippers’ donations for luxurious houses and expensive cars.” 2

As with any religion, squabbles between or within Buddhist sects are often fueled by the material corruption and personal deficiencies of the leadership. For example, in Nagano, Japan, at Zenkoji, the prestigious complex of temples that has hosted Buddhist sects for more than 1,400 years, “a nasty battle” arose between Komatsu the chief priest and the Tacchu, a group of temples nominally under the chief priest's sway. The Tacchu monks accused Komatsu of selling writings and drawings under the temple's name for his own gain. They also were appalled by the frequency with which he was seen in the company of women. Komatsu in turn sought to isolate and punish monks who were critical of his leadership. The conflict lasted some five years and made it into the courts. 3

But what of Tibetan Buddhism? Is it not an exception to this sort of strife? And what of the society it helped to create? Many Buddhists maintain that, before the Chinese crackdown in 1959, old Tibet was a spiritually oriented kingdom free from the egotistical lifestyles, empty materialism, and corrupting vices that beset modern industrialized society. Western news media, travel books, novels, and Hollywood films have portrayed the Tibetan theocracy as a veritable Shangri-La. The Dalai Lama himself stated that “the pervasive influence of Buddhism” in Tibet, “amid the wide open spaces of an unspoiled environment resulted in a society dedicated to peace and harmony. We enjoyed freedom and contentment.” 4

A reading of Tibet’s history suggests a somewhat different picture. “Religious conflict was commonplace in old Tibet,” writes one western Buddhist practitioner. “History belies the Shangri-La image of Tibetan lamas and their followers living together in mutual tolerance and nonviolent goodwill. Indeed, the situation was quite different. Old Tibet was much more like Europe during the religious wars of the Counterreformation.” 5 In the thirteenth century, Emperor Kublai Khan created the first Grand Lama, who was to preside over all the other lamas as might a pope over his bishops. Several centuries later, the Emperor of China sent an army into Tibet to support the Grand Lama, an ambitious 25-year-old man, who then gave himself the title of Dalai (Ocean) Lama, ruler of all Tibet.

His two previous lama “incarnations” were then retroactively recognized as his predecessors, thereby transforming the 1st Dalai Lama into the 3rd Dalai Lama. This 1st (or 3rd) Dalai Lama seized monasteries that did not belong to his sect, and is believed to have destroyed Buddhist writings that conflicted with his claim to divinity. The Dalai Lama who succeeded him pursued a sybaritic life, enjoying many mistresses, partying with friends, and acting in other ways deemed unfitting for an incarnate deity. For these transgressions he was murdered by his priests. Within 170 years, despite their recognized divine status, five Dalai Lamas were killed by their high priests or other courtiers. 6

For hundreds of years competing Tibetan Buddhist sects engaged in bitterly violent clashes and summary executions. In 1660, the 5th Dalai Lama was faced with a rebellion in Tsang province, the stronghold of the rival Kagyu sect with its high lama known as the Karmapa. The 5th Dalai Lama called for harsh retribution against the rebels, directing the Mongol army to obliterate the male and female lines, and the offspring too “like eggs smashed against rocks…. In short, annihilate any traces of them, even their names.” 7

In 1792, many Kagyu monasteries were confiscated and their monks were forcibly converted to the Gelug sect (the Dalai Lama’s denomination). The Gelug school, known also as the “Yellow Hats,” showed little tolerance or willingness to mix their teachings with other Buddhist sects. In the words of one of their traditional prayers: “Praise to you, violent god of the Yellow Hat teachings/who reduces to particles of dust/ great beings, high officials and ordinary people/ who pollute and corrupt the Gelug doctrine.” 8 An eighteenth-century memoir of a Tibetan general depicts sectarian strife among Buddhists that is as brutal and bloody as any religious conflict might be. 9 This grim history remains largely unvisited by present-day followers of Tibetan Buddhism in the West.

Religions have had a close relationship not only with violence but with economic exploitation. Indeed, it is often the economic exploitation that necessitates the violence. Such was the case with the Tibetan theocracy. Until 1959, when the Dalai Lama last presided over Tibet, most of the arable land was still organized into manorial estates worked by serfs. These estates were owned by two social groups: the rich secular landlords and the rich theocratic lamas. Even a writer sympathetic to the old order allows that “a great deal of real estate belonged to the monasteries, and most of them amassed great riches.” Much of the wealth was accumulated “through active participation in trade, commerce, and money lending.” 10

Drepung monastery was one of the biggest landowners in the world, with its 185 manors, 25,000 serfs, 300 great pastures, and 16,000 herdsmen. The wealth of the monasteries rested in the hands of small numbers of high-ranking lamas. Most ordinary monks lived modestly and had no direct access to great wealth. The Dalai Lama himself “lived richly in the 1000-room, 14-story Potala Palace.” 11

Secular leaders also did well. A notable example was the commander-in-chief of the Tibetan army, a member of the Dalai Lama’s lay Cabinet, who owned 4,000 square kilometers of land and 3,500 serfs. 12 Old Tibet has been misrepresented by some Western admirers as “a nation that required no police force because its people voluntarily observed the laws of karma.” 13 In fact. it had a professional army, albeit a small one, that served mainly as a gendarmerie for the landlords to keep order, protect their property, and hunt down runaway serfs.

Young Tibetan boys were regularly taken from their peasant families and brought into the monasteries to be trained as monks. Once there, they were bonded for life. Tashì-Tsering, a monk, reports that it was common for peasant children to be sexually mistreated in the monasteries. He himself was a victim of repeated rape, beginning at age nine. 14 The monastic estates also conscripted children for lifelong servitude as domestics, dance performers, and soldiers.

In old Tibet there were small numbers of farmers who subsisted as a kind of free peasantry, and perhaps an additional 10,000 people who composed the “middle-class” families of merchants, shopkeepers, and small traders. Thousands of others were beggars. There also were slaves, usually domestic servants, who owned nothing. Their offspring were born into slavery. 15 The majority of the rural population were serfs. Treated little better than slaves, the serfs went without schooling or medical care, They were under a lifetime bond to work the lord's land--or the monastery’s land--without pay, to repair the lord's houses, transport his crops, and collect his firewood. They were also expected to provide carrying animals and transportation on demand.16 Their masters told them what crops to grow and what animals to raise. They could not get married without the consent of their lord or lama. And they might easily be separated from their families should their owners lease them out to work in a distant location. 17

As in a free labor system and unlike slavery, the overlords had no responsibility for the serf’s maintenance and no direct interest in his or her survival as an expensive piece of property. The serfs had to support themselves. Yet as in a slave system, they were bound to their masters, guaranteeing a fixed and permanent workforce that could neither organize nor strike nor freely depart as might laborers in a market context. The overlords had the best of both worlds.

One 22-year old woman, herself a runaway serf, reports: “Pretty serf girls were usually taken by the owner as house servants and used as he wished”; they “were just slaves without rights.”18 Serfs needed permission to go anywhere. Landowners had legal authority to capture those who tried to flee. One 24-year old runaway welcomed the Chinese intervention as a “liberation.” He testified that under serfdom he was subjected to incessant toil, hunger, and cold. After his third failed escape, he was merciless beaten by the landlord’s men until blood poured from his nose and mouth. They then poured alcohol and caustic soda on his wounds to increase the pain, he claimed.19

The serfs were taxed upon getting married, taxed for the birth of each child and for every death in the family. They were taxed for planting a tree in their yard and for keeping animals. They were taxed for religious festivals and for public dancing and drumming, for being sent to prison and upon being released. Those who could not find work were taxed for being unemployed, and if they traveled to another village in search of work, they paid a passage tax. When people could not pay, the monasteries lent them money at 20 to 50 percent interest. Some debts were handed down from father to son to grandson. Debtors who could not meet their obligations risked being cast into slavery.20

The theocracy’s religious teachings buttressed its class order. The poor and afflicted were taught that they had brought their troubles upon themselves because of their wicked ways in previous lives. Hence they had to accept the misery of their present existence as a karmic atonement and in anticipation that their lot would improve in their next lifetime. The rich and powerful treated their good fortune as a reward for, and tangible evidence of, virtue in past and present lives.

The Tibetan serfs were something more than superstitious victims, blind to their own oppression. As we have seen, some ran away; others openly resisted, sometimes suffering dire consequences. In feudal Tibet, torture and mutilation--including eye gouging, the pulling out of tongues, hamstringing, and amputation--were favored punishments inflicted upon thieves, and runaway or resistant serfs. Journeying through Tibet in the 1960s, Stuart and Roma Gelder interviewed a former serf, Tsereh Wang Tuei, who had stolen two sheep belonging to a monastery. For this he had both his eyes gouged out and his hand mutilated beyond use. He explains that he no longer is a Buddhist: “When a holy lama told them to blind me I thought there was no good in religion.”21 Since it was against Buddhist teachings to take human life, some offenders were severely lashed and then “left to God” in the freezing night to die. “The parallels between Tibet and medieval Europe are striking,” concludes Tom Grunfeld in his book on Tibet. 22

In 1959, Anna Louise Strong visited an exhibition of torture equipment that had been used by the Tibetan overlords. There were handcuffs of all sizes, including small ones for children, and instruments for cutting off noses and ears, gouging out eyes, breaking off hands, and hamstringing legs. There were hot brands, whips, and special implements for disemboweling. The exhibition presented photographs and testimonies of victims who had been blinded or crippled or suffered amputations for thievery. There was the shepherd whose master owed him a reimbursement in yuan and wheat but refused to pay. So he took one of the master’s cows; for this he had his hands severed. Another herdsman, who opposed having his wife taken from him by his lord, had his hands broken off. There were pictures of Communist activists with noses and upper lips cut off, and a woman who was raped and then had her nose sliced away.23

Earlier visitors to Tibet commented on the theocratic despotism. In 1895, an Englishman, Dr. A. L. Waddell, wrote that the populace was under the “intolerable tyranny of monks” and the devil superstitions they had fashioned to terrorize the people. In 1904 Perceval Landon described the Dalai Lama’s rule as “an engine of oppression.” At about that time, another English traveler, Captain W.F.T. O’Connor, observed that “the great landowners and the priests… exercise each in their own dominion a despotic power from which there is no appeal,” while the people are “oppressed by the most monstrous growth of monasticism and priest-craft.” Tibetan rulers “invented degrading legends and stimulated a spirit of superstition” among the common people. In 1937, another visitor, Spencer Chapman, wrote, “The Lamaist monk does not spend his time in ministering to the people or educating them. . . . The beggar beside the road is nothing to the monk. Knowledge is the jealously guarded prerogative of the monasteries and is used to increase their influence and wealth.”24 As much as we might wish otherwise, feudal theocratic Tibet was a far cry from the romanticized Shangri La so enthusiastically nurtured by Buddhism’s western proselytes.

II. Secularization vs. Spirituality

What happened to Tibet after the Chinese Communists moved into the country in 1951? The treaty of that year provided for ostensible self-governance under the Dalai Lama’s rule but gave China military control and exclusive right to conduct foreign relations. The Chinese were also granted a direct role in internal administration “to promote social reforms.” Among the earliest changes they wrought was to reduce usurious interest rates, and build a few hospitals and roads. At first, they moved slowly, relying mostly on persuasion in an attempt to effect reconstruction. No aristocratic or monastic property was confiscated, and feudal lords continued to reign over their hereditarily bound peasants. “Contrary to popular belief in the West,” claims one observer, the Chinese “took care to show respect for Tibetan culture and religion.”25

Over the centuries the Tibetan lords and lamas had seen Chinese come and go, and had enjoyed good relations with Generalissimo Chiang Kaishek and his reactionary Kuomintang rule in China.26 The approval of the Kuomintang government was needed to validate the choice of the Dalai Lama and Panchen Lama. When the current 14th Dalai Lama was first installed in Lhasa, it was with an armed escort of Chinese troops and an attending Chinese minister, in accordance with centuries-old tradition. What upset the Tibetan lords and lamas in the early 1950s was that these latest Chinese were Communists. It would be only a matter of time, they feared, before the Communists started imposing their collectivist egalitarian schemes upon Tibet.

The issue was joined in 1956-57, when armed Tibetan bands ambushed convoys of the Chinese Peoples Liberation Army. The uprising received extensive assistance from the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), including military training, support camps in Nepal, and numerous airlifts.27 Meanwhile in the United States, the American Society for a Free Asia, a CIA-financed front, energetically publicized the cause of Tibetan resistance, with the Dalai Lama’s eldest brother, Thubtan Norbu, playing an active role in that organization. The Dalai Lama's second-eldest brother, Gyalo Thondup, established an intelligence operation with the CIA as early as 1951. He later upgraded it into a CIA-trained guerrilla unit whose recruits parachuted back into Tibet.28

Many Tibetan commandos and agents whom the CIA dropped into the country were chiefs of aristocratic clans or the sons of chiefs. Ninety percent of them were never heard from again, according to a report from the CIA itself, meaning they were most likely captured and killed.29 “Many lamas and lay members of the elite and much of the Tibetan army joined the uprising, but in the main the populace did not, assuring its failure,” writes Hugh Deane.30 In their book on Tibet, Ginsburg and Mathos reach a similar conclusion: “As far as can be ascertained, the great bulk of the common people of Lhasa and of the adjoining countryside failed to join in the fighting against the Chinese both when it first began and as it progressed.”31 Eventually the resistance crumbled.

Whatever wrongs and new oppressions introduced by the Chinese after 1959, they did abolish slavery and the Tibetan serfdom system of unpaid labor. They eliminated the many crushing taxes, started work projects, and greatly reduced unemployment and beggary. They established secular schools, thereby breaking the educational monopoly of the monasteries. And they constructed running water and electrical systems in Lhasa.32

Heinrich Harrer (later revealed to have been a sergeant in Hitler’s SS) wrote a bestseller about his experiences in Tibet that was made into a popular Hollywood movie. He reported that the Tibetans who resisted the Chinese “were predominantly nobles, semi-nobles and lamas; they were punished by being made to perform the lowliest tasks, such as laboring on roads and bridges. They were further humiliated by being made to clean up the city before the tourists arrived.” They also had to live in a camp originally reserved for beggars and vagrants--all of which Harrer treats as sure evidence of the dreadful nature of the Chinese occupation.33

By 1961, Chinese occupation authorities expropriated the landed estates owned by lords and lamas. They distributed many thousands of acres to tenant farmers and landless peasants, reorganizing them into hundreds of communes.. Herds once owned by nobility were turned over to collectives of poor shepherds. Improvements were made in the breeding of livestock, and new varieties of vegetables and new strains of wheat and barley were introduced, along with irrigation improvements, all of which reportedly led to an increase in agrarian production.34

Many peasants remained as religious as ever, giving alms to the clergy. But monks who had been conscripted as children into the religious orders were now free to renounce the monastic life, and thousands did, especially the younger ones. The remaining clergy lived on modest government stipends and extra income earned by officiating at prayer services, weddings, and funerals.35

Both the Dalai Lama and his advisor and youngest brother, Tendzin Choegyal, claimed that “more than 1.2 million Tibetans are dead as a result of the Chinese occupation.”36 The official 1953 census--six years before the Chinese crackdown--recorded the entire population residing in Tibet at 1,274,000.37 Other census counts put the population within Tibet at about two million. If the Chinese killed 1.2 million in the early 1960s then almost all of Tibet, would have been depopulated, transformed into a killing field dotted with death camps and mass graves--of which we have no evidence. The thinly distributed Chinese force in Tibet could not have rounded up, hunted down, and exterminated that many people even if it had spent all its time doing nothing else.

Chinese authorities claim to have put an end to floggings, mutilations, and amputations as a form of criminal punishment. They themselves, however, have been charged with acts of brutality by exile Tibetans. The authorities do admit to “mistakes,” particularly during the 1966-76 Cultural Revolution when the persecution of religious beliefs reached a high tide in both China and Tibet. After the uprising in the late 1950s, thousands of Tibetans were incarcerated. During the Great Leap Forward, forced collectivization and grain farming were imposed on the Tibetan peasantry, sometimes with disastrous effect on production. In the late 1970s, China began relaxing controls “and tried to undo some of the damage wrought during the previous two decades.”38

In 1980, the Chinese government initiated reforms reportedly designed to grant Tibet a greater degree of self-rule and self-administration. Tibetans would now be allowed to cultivate private plots, sell their harvest surpluses, decide for themselves what crops to grow, and keep yaks and sheep. Communication with the outside world was again permitted, and frontier controls were eased to permit some Tibetans to visit exiled relatives in India and Nepal.39 By the 1980s many of the principal lamas had begun to shuttle back and forth between China and the exile communities abroad, “restoring their monasteries in Tibet and helping to revitalize Buddhism there.”40

As of 2007 Tibetan Buddhism was still practiced widely and tolerated by officialdom. Religious pilgrimages and other standard forms of worship were allowed but within limits. All monks and nuns had to sign a loyalty pledge that they would not use their religious position to foment secession or dissent. And displaying photos of the Dalai Lama was declared illegal.41

In the 1990s, the Han, the ethnic group comprising over 95 percent of China’s immense population, began moving in substantial numbers into Tibet. On the streets of Lhasa and Shigatse, signs of Han colonization are readily visible. Chinese run the factories and many of the shops and vending stalls. Tall office buildings and large shopping centers have been built with funds that might have been better spent on water treatment plants and housing. Chinese cadres in Tibet too often view their Tibetan neighbors as backward and lazy, in need of economic development and “patriotic education.” During the 1990s Tibetan government employees suspected of harboring nationalist sympathies were purged from office, and campaigns were once again launched to discredit the Dalai Lama. Individual Tibetans reportedly were subjected to arrest, imprisonment, and forced labor for carrying out separatist activities and engaging in “political subversion.” Some were held in administrative detention without adequate food, water, and blankets, subjected to threats, beatings, and other mistreatment.42

Tibetan history, culture, and certainly religion are slighted in schools. Teaching materials, though translated into Tibetan, focus mainly on Chinese history and culture. Chinese family planning regulations allow a three-child limit for Tibetan families. (There is only a one-child limit for Han families throughout China, and a two-child limit for rural Han families whose first child is a girl.) If a Tibetan couple goes over the three-child limit, the excess children can be denied subsidized daycare, health care, housing, and education. These penalties have been enforced irregularly and vary by district.43 None of these child services, it should be noted, were available to Tibetans before the Chinese takeover.

For the rich lamas and secular lords, the Communist intervention was an unmitigated calamity. Most of them fled abroad, as did the Dalai Lama himself, who was assisted in his flight by the CIA. Some discovered to their horror that they would have to work for a living. Many, however, escaped that fate. Throughout the 1960s, the Tibetan exile community was secretly pocketing $1.7 million a year from the CIA, according to documents released by the State Department in 1998. Once this fact was publicized, the Dalai Lama’s organization itself issued a statement admitting that it had received millions of dollars from the CIA during the 1960s to send armed squads of exiles into Tibet to undermine the Maoist revolution. The Dalai Lama's annual payment from the CIA was $186,000. Indian intelligence also financed both him and other Tibetan exiles. He has refused to say whether he or his brothers worked for the CIA. The agency has also declined to comment.44

In 1995, the News & Observer of Raleigh, North Carolina, carried a frontpage color photograph of the Dalai Lama being embraced by the reactionary Republican senator Jesse Helms, under the headline “Buddhist Captivates Hero of Religious Right.”45 In April 1999, along with Margaret Thatcher, Pope John Paul II, and the first George Bush, the Dalai Lama called upon the British government to release Augusto Pinochet, the former fascist dictator of Chile and a longtime CIA client who was visiting England. The Dalai Lama urged that Pinochet not be forced to go to Spain where he was wanted to stand trial for crimes against humanity.

Into the twenty-first century, via the National Endowment for Democracy and other conduits that are more respectable sounding than the CIA, the U.S. Congress continued to allocate an annual $2 million to Tibetans in India, with additional millions for “democracy activities” within the Tibetan exile community. In addition to these funds, the Dalai Lama received money from financier George Soros.46

Whatever the Dalai Lama’s associations with the CIA and various reactionaries, he did speak often of peace, love, and nonviolence. He himself really cannot be blamed for the abuses of Tibet’s ancien régime, having been but 25 years old when he fled into exile. In a 1994 interview, he went on record as favoring the building of schools and roads in his country. He said the corvée (forced unpaid serf labor) and certain taxes imposed on the peasants were “extremely bad.” And he disliked the way people were saddled with old debts sometimes passed down from generation to generation.47During the half century of living in the western world, he had embraced concepts such as human rights and religious freedom, ideas largely unknown in old Tibet. He even proposed democracy for Tibet, featuring a written constitution and a representative assembly.48

In 1996, the Dalai Lama issued a statement that must have had an unsettling effect on the exile community. It read in part: “Marxism is founded on moral principles, while capitalism is concerned only with gain and profitability.” Marxism fosters “the equitable utilization of the means of production” and cares about “the fate of the working classes” and “the victims of . . . exploitation. For those reasons the system appeals to me, and . . . I think of myself as half-Marxist, half-Buddhist.49

But he also sent a reassuring message to “those who live in abundance”: “It is a good thing to be rich... Those are the fruits for deserving actions, the proof that they have been generous in the past.” And to the poor he offers this admonition: “There is no good reason to become bitter and rebel against those who have property and fortune... It is better to develop a positive attitude.”50

In 2005 the Dalai Lama signed a widely advertised statement along with ten other Nobel Laureates supporting the “inalienable and fundamental human right” of working people throughout the world to form labor unions to protect their interests, in accordance with the United Nations’ Universal Declaration of Human Rights. In many countries “this fundamental right is poorly protected and in some it is explicitly banned or brutally suppressed,” the statement read. Burma, China, Colombia, Bosnia, and a few other countries were singled out as among the worst offenders. Even the United States “fails to adequately protect workers’ rights to form unions and bargain collectively. Millions of U.S. workers lack any legal protection to form unions….”51

The Dalai Lama also gave full support to removing the ingrained traditional obstacles that have kept Tibetan nuns from receiving an education. Upon arriving in exile, few nuns could read or write. In Tibet their activities had been devoted to daylong periods of prayer and chants. But in northern India they now began reading Buddhist philosophy and engaging in theological study and debate, activities that in old Tibet had been open only to monks.52

In November 2005 the Dalai Lama spoke at Stanford University on “The Heart of Nonviolence,” but stopped short of a blanket condemnation of all violence. Violent actions that are committed in order to reduce future suffering are not to be condemned, he said, citing World War II as an example of a worthy effort to protect democracy. What of the four years of carnage and mass destruction in Iraq, a war condemned by most of the world—even by a conservative pope--as a blatant violation of international law and a crime against humanity? The Dalai Lama was undecided: “The Iraq war—it’s too early to say, right or wrong.”53 Earlier he had voiced support for the U.S. military intervention against Yugoslavia and, later on, the U.S. military intervention into Afghanistan.54

III. Exit Feudal Theocracy

As the Shangri-La myth would have it, in old Tibet the people lived in contented and tranquil symbiosis with their monastic and secular lords. Rich lamas and poor monks, wealthy landlords and impoverished serfs were all bonded together, mutually sustained by the comforting balm of a deeply spiritual and pacific culture.

One is reminded of the idealized image of feudal Europe presented by latter-day conservative Catholics such as G. K. Chesterton and Hilaire Belloc. For them, medieval Christendom was a world of contented peasants living in the secure embrace of their Church, under the more or less benign protection of their lords.55 Again we are invited to accept a particular culture in its idealized form divorced from its murky material history. This means accepting it as presented by its favored class, by those who profited most from it. The Shangri-La image of Tibet bears no more resemblance to historic actuality than does the pastoral image of medieval Europe.

Seen in all its grim realities, old Tibet confirms the view I expressed in an earlier book, namely that culture is anything but neutral. Culture can operate as a legitimating cover for a host of grave injustices, benefiting a privileged portion of society at great cost to the rest.56 In theocratic feudal Tibet, ruling interests manipulated the traditional culture to fortify their own wealth and power. The theocracy equated rebellious thought and action with satanic influence. It propagated the general presumption of landlord superiority and peasant unworthiness. The rich were represented as deserving their good life, and the lowly poor as deserving their mean existence, all codified in teachings about the karmic residue of virtue and vice accumulated from past lives, presented as part of God’s will.

Were the more affluent lamas just hypocrites who preached one thing and secretly believed another? More likely they were genuinely attached to those beliefs that brought such good results for them. That their theology so perfectly supported their material privileges only strengthened the sincerity with which it was embraced.

It might be said that we denizens of the modern secular world cannot grasp the equations of happiness and pain, contentment and custom, that characterize more traditionally spiritual societies. This is probably true, and it may explain why some of us idealize such societies. But still, a gouged eye is a gouged eye; a flogging is a flogging; and the grinding exploitation of serfs and slaves is a brutal class injustice whatever its cultural wrapping. There is a difference between a spiritual bond and human bondage, even when both exist side by side

Many ordinary Tibetans want the Dalai Lama back in their country, but it appears that relatively few want a return to the social order he represented. A 1999 story in the Washington Post notes that the Dalai Lama continues to be revered in Tibet, but

. . . few Tibetans would welcome a return of the corrupt aristocratic clans that fled with him in 1959 and that comprise the bulk of his advisers. Many Tibetan farmers, for example, have no interest in surrendering the land they gained during China’s land reform to the clans. Tibet’s former slaves say they, too, don’t want their former masters to return to power. “I’ve already lived that life once before,” said Wangchuk, a 67-year-old former slave who was wearing his best clothes for his yearly pilgrimage to Shigatse, one of the holiest sites of Tibetan Buddhism. He said he worshipped the Dalai Lama, but added, “I may not be free under Chinese communism, but I am better off than when I was a slave.”57

It should be noted that the Dalai Lama is not the only highly placed lama chosen in childhood as a reincarnation. One or another reincarnate lama or tulku--a spiritual teacher of special purity elected to be reborn again and again--can be found presiding over most major monasteries. The tulku system is unique to Tibetan Buddhism. Scores of Tibetan lamas claim to be reincarnate tulkus.

The very first tulku was a lama known as the Karmapa who appeared nearly three centuries before the first Dalai Lama. The Karmapa is leader of a Tibetan Buddhist tradition known as the Karma Kagyu. The rise of the Gelugpa sect headed by the Dalai Lama led to a politico-religious rivalry with the Kagyu that has lasted five hundred years and continues to play itself out within the Tibetan exile community today. That the Kagyu sect has grown famously, opening some six hundred new centers around the world in the last thirty-five years, has not helped the situation.

The search for a tulku, Erik Curren reminds us, has not always been conducted in that purely spiritual mode portrayed in certain Hollywood films. “Sometimes monastic officials wanted a child from a powerful local noble family to give the cloister more political clout. Other times they wanted a child from a lower-class family who would have little leverage to influence the child’s upbringing.” On other occasions “a local warlord, the Chinese emperor or even the Dalai Lama’s government in Lhasa might [have tried] to impose its choice of tulku on a monastery for political reasons.”58

Such may have been the case in the selection of the 17th Karmapa, whose monastery-in-exile is situated in Rumtek, in the Indian state of Sikkim. In 1993 the monks of the Karma Kagyu tradition had a candidate of their own choice. The Dalai Lama, along with several dissenting Karma Kagyu leaders (and with the support of the Chinese government!) backed a different boy. The Kagyu monks charged that the Dalai Lama had overstepped his authority in attempting to select a leader for their sect. “Neither his political role nor his position as a lama in his own Gelugpa tradition entitled him to choose the Karmapa, who is a leader of a different tradition…”59 As one of the Kagyu leaders insisted, “Dharma is about thinking for yourself. It is not about automatically following a teacher in all things, no matter how respected that teacher may be. More than anyone else, Buddhists should respect other people’s rights—their human rights and their religious freedom.”60

What followed was a dozen years of conflict in the Tibetan exile community, punctuated by intermittent riots, intimidation, physical attacks, blacklisting, police harassment, litigation, official corruption, and the looting and undermining of the Karmapa’s monastery in Rumtek by supporters of the Gelugpa faction. All this has caused at least one western devotee to wonder if the years of exile were not hastening the moral corrosion of Tibetan Buddhism.61

What is clear is that not all Tibetan Buddhists accept the Dalai Lama as their theological and spiritual mentor. Though he is referred to as the “spiritual leader of Tibet,” many see this title as little more than a formality. It does not give him authority over the four religious schools of Tibet other than his own, “just as calling the U.S. president the ‘leader of the free world’ gives him no role in governing France or Germany.”62

Not all Tibetan exiles are enamoured of the old Shangri-La theocracy. Kim Lewis, who studied healing methods with a Buddhist monk in Berkeley, California, had occasion to talk at length with more than a dozen Tibetan women who lived in the monk’s building. When she asked how they felt about returning to their homeland, the sentiment was unanimously negative. At first, Lewis assumed that their reluctance had to do with the Chinese occupation, but they quickly informed her otherwise. They said they were extremely grateful “not to have to marry 4 or 5 men, be pregnant almost all the time,” or deal with sexually transmitted diseases contacted from a straying husband. The younger women “were delighted to be getting an education, wanted absolutely nothing to do with any religion, and wondered why Americans were so naïve [about Tibet].”63

The women interviewed by Lewis recounted stories of their grandmothers’ ordeals with monks who used them as “wisdom consorts.” By sleeping with the monks, the grandmothers were told, they gained “the means to enlightenment” -- after all, the Buddha himself had to be with a woman to reach enlightenment.

The women also mentioned the “rampant” sex that the supposedly spiritual and abstemious monks practiced with each other in the Gelugpa sect. The women who were mothers spoke bitterly about the monastery’s confiscation of their young boys in Tibet. They claimed that when a boy cried for his mother, he would be told “Why do you cry for her, she gave you up--she's just a woman.”

The monks who were granted political asylum in California applied for public assistance. Lewis, herself a devotee for a time, assisted with the paperwork. She observes that they continue to receive government checks amounting to $550 to $700 per month along with Medicare. In addition, the monks reside rent free in nicely furnished apartments. “They pay no utilities, have free access to the Internet on computers provided for them, along with fax machines, free cell and home phones and cable TV.”

They also receive a monthly payment from their order, along with contributions and dues from their American followers. Some devotees eagerly carry out chores for the monks, including grocery shopping and cleaning their apartments and toilets. These same holy men, Lewis remarks, “have no problem criticizing Americans for their ‘obsession with material things.’”64

To welcome the end of the old feudal theocracy in Tibet is not to applaud everything about Chinese rule in that country. This point is seldom understood by today’s Shangri-La believers in the West. The converse is also true: To denounce the Chinese occupation does not mean we have to romanticize the former feudal régime. Tibetans deserve to be perceived as actual people, not perfected spiritualists or innocent political symbols. “To idealize them,” notes Ma Jian, a dissident Chinese traveler to Tibet (now living in Britain), “is to deny them their humanity.”65

One common complaint among Buddhist followers in the West is that Tibet’s religious culture is being undermined by the Chinese occupation. To some extent this seems to be the case. Many of the monasteries are closed, and much of the theocracy seems to have passed into history. Whether Chinese rule has brought betterment or disaster is not the central issue here. The question is what kind of country was old Tibet. What I am disputing is the supposedly pristine spiritual nature of that pre-invasion culture. We can advocate religious freedom and independence for a new Tibet without having to embrace the mythology about old Tibet. Tibetan feudalism was cloaked in Buddhism, but the two are not to be equated. In reality, old Tibet was not a Paradise Lost. It was a retrograde repressive theocracy of extreme privilege and poverty, a long way from Shangri-La.

Finally, let it be said that if Tibet’s future is to be positioned somewhere within China’s emerging free-market paradise, then this does not bode well for the Tibetans. China boasts a dazzling 8 percent economic growth rate and is emerging as one of the world’s greatest industrial powers. But with economic growth has come an ever deepening gulf between rich and poor. Most Chinese live close to the poverty level or well under it, while a small group of newly brooded capitalists profit hugely in collusion with shady officials. Regional bureaucrats milk the country dry, extorting graft from the populace and looting local treasuries. Land grabbing in cities and countryside by avaricious developers and corrupt officials at the expense of the populace are almost everyday occurrences. Tens of thousands of grassroot protests and disturbances have erupted across the country, usually to be met with unforgiving police force. Corruption is so prevalent, reaching into so many places, that even the normally complacent national leadership was forced to take notice and began moving against it in late 2006.

Workers in China who try to organize labor unions in the corporate dominated “business zones” risk losing their jobs or getting beaten and imprisoned. Millions of business zone workers toil twelve-hour days at subsistence wages. With the health care system now being privatized, free or affordable medical treatment is no longer available for millions. Men have tramped into the cities in search of work, leaving an increasingly impoverished countryside populated by women, children, and the elderly. The suicide rate has increased dramatically, especially among women.66

China’s natural environment is sadly polluted. Most of its fabled rivers and many lakes are dead, producing massive fish die-offs from the billions of tons of industrial emissions and untreated human waste dumped into them. Toxic effluents, including pesticides and herbicides, seep into ground water or directly into irrigation canals. Cancer rates in villages situated along waterways have skyrocketed a thousand-fold. Hundreds of millions of urban residents breathe air rated as dangerously unhealthy, contaminated by industrial growth and the recent addition of millions of automobiles. An estimated 400,000 die prematurely every year from air pollution. Government environmental agencies have no enforcement power to stop polluters, and generally the government ignores or denies such problems, concentrating instead on industrial growth.67

China’s own scientific establishment reports that unless greenhouse gases are curbed, the nation will face massive crop failures along with catastrophic food and water shortages in the years ahead. In 2006-2007 severe drought was already afflicting southwest China.68

If China is the great success story of speedy free market development, and is to be the model and inspiration for Tibet’s future, then old feudal Tibet indeed may start looking a lot better than it actually was.

Notes:

Mark Juergensmeyer, Terror in the Mind of God, (University of California Press, 2000), 6, 112-113, 157.

Kyong-Hwa Seok, "Korean Monk Gangs Battle for Temple Turf," San Francisco Examiner, 3 December 1998.

Los Angeles Times, February 25, 2006.

Dalai Lama quoted in Donald Lopez Jr., Prisoners of Shangri-La: Tibetan Buddhism and the West (Chicago and London: Chicago University Press, 1998), 205.

Erik D. Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling: Uncovering Corruption at the Heart of Tibetan Buddhism Today (Alaya Press 2005), 41.

Stuart Gelder and Roma Gelder, The Timely Rain: Travels in New Tibet (Monthly Review Press, 1964), 119, 123; and Melvyn C. Goldstein, The Snow Lion and the Dragon: China, Tibet, and the Dalai Lama (University of California Press, 1995), 6-16.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 50.

Stephen Bachelor, "Letting Daylight into Magic: The Life and Times of Dorje Shugden," Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, 7, Spring 1998. Bachelor discusses the sectarian fanaticism and doctrinal clashes that ill fit the Western portrait of Buddhism as a non-dogmatic and tolerant tradition.

Dhoring Tenzin Paljor, Autobiography, cited in Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 8.

Pradyumna P. Karan, The Changing Face of Tibet: The Impact of Chinese Communist Ideology on the Landscape (Lexington, Kentucky: University Press of Kentucky, 1976), 64.

See Gary Wilson's report in Worker's World, 6 February 1997.

Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 62 and 174.

As skeptically noted by Lopez, Prisoners of Shangri-La, 9.

Melvyn Goldstein, William Siebenschuh, and Tashì-Tsering, The Struggle for Modern Tibet: The Autobiography of Tashì-Tsering (Armonk, N.Y.: M.E. Sharpe, 1997).

Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 110.

Melvyn C. Goldstein, A History of Modern Tibet 1913-1951 (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1989), 5 and passim.

Anna Louise Strong, Tibetan Interviews (Peking: New World Press, 1959), 15, 19-21, 24.

Quoted in Strong, Tibetan Interviews, 25.

Strong, Tibetan Interviews, 31.

Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 175-176; and Strong, Tibetan Interviews, 25-26.

Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 113.

A. Tom Grunfeld, The Making of Modern Tibet rev. ed. (Armonk, N.Y. and London: 1996), 9 and 7-33 for a general discussion of feudal Tibet; see also Felix Greene, A Curtain of Ignorance (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1961), 241-249; Goldstein, A History of Modern Tibet, 3-5; and Lopez, Prisoners of Shangri-La, passim.

Strong, Tibetan Interviews, 91-96.

Waddell, Landon, O'Connor, and Chapman are quoted in Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 123-125.

Goldstein, The Snow Lion and the Dragon, 52.

Heinrich Harrer, Return to Tibet (New York: Schocken, 1985), 29.

See Kenneth Conboy and James Morrison, The CIA's Secret War in Tibet (Lawrence, Kansas: University of Kansas Press, 2002); and William Leary, "Secret Mission to Tibet," Air & Space, December 1997/January 1998.

On the CIA's links to the Dalai Lama and his family and entourage, see Loren Coleman, Tom Slick and the Search for the Yeti (London: Faber and Faber, 1989).

Leary, "Secret Mission to Tibet."

Hugh Deane, "The Cold War in Tibet," CovertAction Quarterly (Winter 1987).

George Ginsburg and Michael Mathos Communist China and Tibet (1964), quoted in Deane, "The Cold War in Tibet." Deane notes that author Bina Roy reached a similar conclusion.

See Greene, A Curtain of Ignorance, 248 and passim; and Grunfeld, The Making of Modern Tibet, passim.

Harrer, Return to Tibet, 54.

Karan, The Changing Face of Tibet, 36-38, 41, 57-58; London Times, 4 July 1966.

Gelder and Gelder, The Timely Rain, 29 and 47-48.

Tendzin Choegyal, "The Truth about Tibet," Imprimis (publication of Hillsdale College, Michigan), April 1999.

Karan, The Changing Face of Tibet, 52-53.

Elaine Kurtenbach, Associate Press report, 12 February 1998.

Goldstein, The Snow Lion and the Dragon, 47-48.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 8.

San Francisco Chonicle, 9 January 2007.

Report by the International Committee of Lawyers for Tibet, A Generation in Peril (Berkeley Calif.: 2001), passim.

International Committee of Lawyers for Tibet, A Generation in Peril, 66-68, 98.

im Mann, "CIA Gave Aid to Tibetan Exiles in '60s, Files Show," Los Angeles Times, 15 September 1998; and New York Times, 1 October, 1998.

News & Observer, 6 September 1995, cited in Lopez, Prisoners of Shangri-La, 3.

Heather Cottin, "George Soros, Imperial Wizard," CovertAction Quarterly no. 74 (Fall 2002).

Goldstein, The Snow Lion and the Dragon, 51.

Tendzin Choegyal, "The Truth about Tibet."

The Dalai Lama in Marianne Dresser (ed.), Beyond Dogma: Dialogues and Discourses (Berkeley, Calif.: North Atlantic Books, 1996)

These comments are from a book of the Dalai Lama's writings quoted in Nikolai Thyssen, "Oceaner af onkel Tom," Dagbladet Information, 29 December 2003, (translated for me by Julius Wilm). Thyssen's review (in Danish) can be found at http://www.information.dk/Indgang/VisArkiv.dna?pArtNo=20031229154141.txt.

"A Global Call for Human Rights in the Workplace," New York Times, 6 December 2005.

San Francisco Chronicle, 14 January 2007.

San Francisco Chronicle, 5 November 2005.

Times of India 13 October 2000; Samantha Conti's report, Reuter, 17 June 1994; Amitabh Pal, "The Dalai Lama Interview," Progressive, January 2006.

The Gelders draw this comparison, The Timely Rain, 64.

Michael Parenti, The Culture Struggle (Seven Stories, 2006).

John Pomfret, "Tibet Caught in China's Web," Washington Post, 23 July 1999.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 3.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 13 and 138.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, 21.

Curren, Buddha's Not Smiling, passim. For books that are favorable toward the Karmapa appointed by the Dalai Lama's faction, see Lea Terhune, Karmapa of Tibet: The Politics of Reincarnation (Wisdom Publications, 2004); Gaby Naher, Wrestling the Dragon (Rider 2004); Mick Brown, The Dance of 17 Lives (Bloomsbury 2004).

Erik Curren, "Not So Easy to Say Who is Karmapa," correspondence, 22 August 2005, www.buddhistchannel.tv/index.php?id=22.1577,0,0,1,0.

Kim Lewis, correspondence to me, 15 July 2004.

Kim Lewis, correspondence to me, 16 July 2004.

Ma Jian, Stick Out Your Tongue (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2006).

See the PBS documentary, China from the Inside, January 2007, KQED.PBS.org/kqed/chinanside.

San Francisco Chronicle, 9 January 2007.

"China: Global Warming to Cause Food Shortages," People's Weekly World, 13 January 2007

China, You have to grow!

2008-04-18T21:56:00.003+08:00

http://you.video.sina.com.cn/b/12417440-1401913474.html

There's a conspiracy theory in chinese which I will not bore you guys w, but it's really true that we have to stand up for China now! it's too much! I wasn't even a fan of the chinese government!

Dirty Politicians

2008-04-17T23:54:00.004+08:00

Now everyone on MSN is having the (L) China logo. and I joined in too!! I read some articles on how France is proposing to EU to boycott China Olympics, and how Dalai Lama is acting all holy and all.

I'm totally disgusted by Dalai Lama! HE IS SUCH A BIG ACTOR!! If he'd wanted to quit for the goodness of his people, he'd have done so. and if he really gives a shit about his people's lives and not just his own ideology, he'd have given up so long ago. AND seriously, what's he doing all high and mighty and free in the USA when his people are fighting for him, dying for him. WHAT DIFFERENCE IS DALAI LAMA FROM OSAMA BIN LADEN?!?! TELL ME! Everyone condemns Osama because he is the mastermind of the terrorist groups that killed so many innocent lives in the USA, so are Chinese people's lives less worthy?! I don't think that the Chinese government would go around killing people for NO REASON, and I certainly think that it's such a double standard pov when the western media kept criticising Chinese government for repressing the protests, and the dangerous potentially terrorist acts of those people. AND they themselves have supported the invasion of America into Iraq, all in the name of protecting their own people against terrorists. So now what? If the terrorist is from another country, it's reasonable for u to fight against them, and if the terrorist is from your own country, you are not even allowd to repress their protest and violent crimes?? I was told by my cousin who was in tibet end of last year, that it's not the government that was acting violent, it was the lamas who were going around with HUGE KNIVES and all!! so why can't the EU get their facts right?!

I think the European countries should GROW UP. STOP blaming OTHERS for your own economy downturns. STOP pot calling kettle black. STOP being so sanctimonious and going on and on about liberating people when the very basis of your attempt in exerting pressure on China IS in itself a form of oppression and an invasion of another culture. STOP trying to make everyone agree with you that YOUR way of life and YOUR culture is superior and any deviation from it is cultish/oppressive etc. STOP thinking that EVERYONE needs YOUR definition of freedom and liberty to be happy. AND DIRTY POLITICS ARE SO CHILDISH! PROVE that you deserve to be economically strong, and that you earned it with your hard work. IF you are going to have 35 hr work week, and you're going have everything closed on weekends, I can see why your economy is so screwed up!

and well put by my friend:
if a belgian agrees on independance of the Flander, a french on the independance of The Corses, a spanish on the independance on the Basques and an italian on the independance on the nothern Italy..........i'll agree on the independance of Tibet then...

and I read this blog entry online.. it's really quite nice =]
http://yuelaiyueyuan.blog.sohu.com/84953907.html

I am SUPER ANGRY WITH THE WESTERN MEDIA!

2008-04-16T21:21:00.006+08:00

I think the Western Media can be sO hopelessly biased and ignorant and manipulative and DISGUSTING!

I was rather ashamed of the Chinese government for the Tibetan issue, but I talked to my cousin who went to Tibet last year end, and I realised, I am ashamed of being so easily manipulated by the media reports!!

"至于中国的事情,赫赫~~很多事情真的说不清楚,尤其是你在外面,更加不知道,而且有很多国外报道都不真实.我去年在甘肃的时候,藏民就蠢蠢欲动了,很乱的.每天晚上6点就到处都关门了.国家安全局也去了,都不敢动....有天我们吃完饭就回住的地方去,那里寺庙的喇嘛拿着刀到处跑,跑到我旁边看了一下,没动然后跑掉了,当时手上拿了把好长好长的刀子,想起来都后怕呢!!! 不管怎么样我觉得藏民那样打砸抢杀还是太过分了,很多无辜的老百姓都死在他们手上呢,包括小孩子.你不知道,医生去抢救伤者,还被打成重伤.军队只是照例防暴,并没有去攻击那些犯罪分子.他们是故意在奥运年闹事,在全世界都在关注中国的时候让中国出丑,不知道为什么,达赖在藏民心理地位那么高,他们辛苦赚的的钱家产什么的全部都捐给他,我怀疑是不是脑袋有毛病...."

So in this case, how different at the Lamas from the Terrorists?!?!why is everyone so actively participating in getting rid of Terrorists and so anti-China for ensuring that the Lamas don't kill anyone?? this is sO hypocritical and double standard. The world just wanna see China fall cos they can't handle taht China is rising, a once weaker race is going to be stronger. PLUS the Jack Cafferty comment. ROAR!!!

I'm too lazy to type what I told elise and en n mao on fb, but here's the gist.

ok I know that elise is definitely anti China in the Tibetan issue, but I'd like to know wat u guys think of it. actually im vvv angry these days w the western media, cos i feel that they downplay the fault of the Lamas n upplayed the chinese government's act, TOO MUCH.

U know that I'm rather neutral in this issue after I read the news on the oppressive government n all the killing of the lamas.. but what I actually found out from my cousin in China was, she was in Tibet last year, and she said it was rather a dangerous situation there already. Around 6pm everyone'll close their doors, and the police will be guarding the places to ensure security n nobody dares to do much. the Lamas wuld b walking around with big knives n all.. n she said that the western media always ignores all these facts and kept putting the Lamas as victims when Lamas, like the chinese police, killed a lot of innocent pple n all. and it makes me wonder, aren't Lamas supposed to b like Gandhi or sth tt find resolutions in peace? instead of killing pple?? so actually we always think that Tibetans and Chinese Government are two separate entities, but perhaps those are really politics and ok, chinese government IS oppressive no doubt, but i think the Lamas arent that holy saint either.. of course 2 wrongs don't make 1 right, but i just feel that why is everyone just blaming the chinese government for the deaths, n also linking the entire China and chinese people to that. when I think if the Lamas are this vicious, then there had to be some protective mechanisms in place or something on the government side too right. anyway it's so complicated.

And I was for a moment, rather ashamed that I took in every word of the western media without critically analysing if it's biased against china and tyring to tk advantage of the olympics to bring China down. After all, China is a threat to the western powers, especially USA. and I was even more pissed when I saw the news of Jack Cafferty commentiong

"Well, I don't know if China is any different, but our relationship with China is certainly different. We're in hock to the Chinese up to our eyeballs because of the war in Iraq, for one thing. They're holding hundreds of billions of dollars worth of our paper. We also are running hundred of billions of dollars worth of trade deficits with them, as we continue to import their junk with the lead paint on them and the poisoned pet food and export, you know, jobs to places where you can pay workers a dollar a month to turn out the stuff that we're buying from Wal-Mart. So I think our relationship with China has certainly changed. I think they're basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they've been for the last 50 years".

I'm just thinking of the self righteous position tt the US is taking. I mean they went to Iraq, all troops and war and stuff, in the name of getting rid of Terrorists. and according to my cousin in china, that's what the chinese government was doing. My cousin in Germany oso told me, the tibetans are known for being very violent and all, just cos dalai lama wrote a few books so everyone thinks that the Tibetans are peace loving and harmless. im sure the innocent peasants are, but the lamas are like the equivalent of what they call "terrorists" in the US now. so I'm just realli realli ANGRY that the world is just SO double standard and politicised!

AND! the food price is getting high and EVEYRONE IS BLAMIGN CHINA AGAIN! SO WAT?! we haf to shoulder the ENTIRE WORLd'S PROBLEMS?!?! this is SO RIDICULOUS!

and like i wrote to Sun Kai,
"他们说任何一个未来强国在迅速发展到一定的时候，会遇到一些很大反面的冲击，可能中国就正处于这个阶段吧！全世界都在找中国的麻烦。有时候我觉得有点气愤，总觉得大伙儿都趁火打劫（哈哈，这个比喻用在奥运圣火这件事上更为确切吧！）！又来个八国联军吗？！"

for those who are not that informed about China's history, 八国联军was towards the end of the Qing Dynasty, a combination of French, Italian, American, English, German, Russian, Japanese and Austria-Hungarian armies, joint forces to attack China. They branded themselves as the protectors of the rights of their own people in China, but they just wanna bring China down for their own economic benefits actually. so here we see that history's repeating itself. how disgusting.

Birthday Calculator & Name Meaning

2008-04-16T01:20:00.003+08:00

This website is so cooolll.. hahah http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

U noe.. I checked and found that I'm LEAST compatible with SOOOOOOO many guys and ONLY compatible with Jacob!!!! this is SCARY! haiii.. how how how.. let it NOT b written in the stars please!!

Sun Kai replied my mail today!! WHEEE!! a LONG email sumore.. hahaha.. I'm super happy

2 May 1986
Your date of conception was on or about 9 August 1985 which was a Friday.

You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 4.

Your fortune cookie reads:
You should be able to undertake and complete anything.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 6 & 7.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 3, 5 & 9.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446552.5.
The golden number for 1986 is 11.
The epact number for 1986 is 19.
The year 1986 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/9/1986 and ending 1/28/1987.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Tiger.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 23 Nisan 5746.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 24 Nisan 5746.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.12.17.8 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 12 tun 17 uinal 8 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Friday, 22 Sha'ban 1406 (1406-8-22).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 30 March 1986.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 4 May 1986.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 12 February 1986.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 18 May 1986.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1986.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 4 October 1986.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 24 April 1986.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 11 February 1986.

As of 4/15/2008 12:14:29 PM EDT
You are 21 years old.
You are 263 months old.
You are 1,146 weeks old.
You are 8,019 days old.
You are 192,468 hours old.
You are 11,548,094 minutes old.
You are 692,885,669 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Lorie (1982) David Beckham (1975) Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson (1972)
Lesley Gore (1946) Bianca Jagger (1945) Engelbert Humperdinck (1936)
Roscoe Lee Browne (1925) Theodore Bikel (1924) Dr. Benjamin Spock (1903)
Baron Von Richthofen (1892)

Top songs of 1986
That's What Friends Are For by Dionne & Friends Walk Like an Egyptian by Bangles
On My Own by Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
Stuck with You by Huey Lewis & the News Rock Me Amadeus by Falco
Kyrie by Mr. Mister Kiss by Prince & the Revolution
Papa Don't Preach by Madonna How Will I Know by Whitney Houston

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.1385518590998 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Scorpio.
Your opposition number(s) is 9 & 11.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 17 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 22 candles.

Those 22 candles produce 22 BTUs,
or 5,544 calories of heat (that's only 5.5440 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.51 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1986 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1986 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1986 in the US there were 2,400,000 marriages (10%) and 1,159,000 divorces (4.8%)
In 1986 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1986 the population of Australia was approximately 16,138,769.
In 1986 there were approximately 243,408 births in Australia.
In 1986 in Australia there were approximately 114,913 marriages and 39,417 divorces.
In 1986 in Australia there were approximately 114,981 deaths.

Your birthstone is Emerald

The Mystical properties of Emerald

Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Agate, Chrysoprase

Your birth tree is

Poplar, the Uncertainty
Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.

There are 254 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 267 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning crescent.

For my name..

You entered: Gong Pan Pan
There are 10 letters in your name.
Those 10 letters total to 51
There are 3 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 6

The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:
The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 8

A Soul Urge number of 8 means:
With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition.

Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment.

The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7

An Inner Dream number of 7 means:
You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

Loveless Life

2008-04-09T04:36:00.000+08:00

I think that my life these days are pretty loveless. Far away from my family, and not being able to call home often enough (due to my travelling). I'm quite upset about this fact, I miss my family. I was so glad to have spoken to Xinen and Mao and Elise for a while over the phone though.

Aside from friendship and family love, I have not been seriously in love for a long long time... I think this makes me feel old. I'm always creating my own ideals and goals of love, and I'll always dream of a happily ever after with someone at that point in time. But nothing ever happens. After a while, I start to wonder if any of my dreams will come true after all.

I really like someone now, but as Elise said, I am probably just in love with the idea of love as before. haha. Perhaps I'll never get out of this quicksand of love ideals. Each time I try, I'll just sink deeper into it.

It seems that I always like someone who is not actively pursuing me. Perhaps it's my way of protecting myslf, of not getting into any relationship. Because if I like someone whom I know I probably can afford to go crazy over, without having to face any consequences of it (aka the person reciprocating it), then I can just take it as a leisure past time, to dream and to have something to smile at everyday. However, if it is likely that it will come true, I am afraid that it might turn into something nasty because somehow it appears that I don't believe that anything good will happen in my love life. I have no idea why do I have such strange idea, but I just think that probably I'm cursed in love and that the person I like will never like me back.

Louisiana

2008-04-05T05:59:00.002+08:00

I went to Louisiana today, spent 3.5 hrs in the museum. that was amazing! I loved every second of it. and I had hope that I had more time in the museum..

I saw this comparative exhibition of Cezanne and Giacometti. I was just so.. touched by both of the artist. Cezanne, through the documentary on his life and his passion, because he is a man who's so proud of who he is, his provincial accent and his determination to stay true to his roots. Giacometti, through the actual spacial experience of his sculptures, such silence and solidity in his work, such loneliness and void.. I felt really very much alone after Giacometti's work.

On a really really amazingly beautifully wonderful note, JUNICE AND VINCENT ARE ENGAGED!! they're due to marry nxt spring!! gosh! It's gona b the FIRST wedding tt I EVER attended (mao's fren one not realli counted cos im a crasher)

my god.. it's really a fairytale come true.. they've always been my ideal couple. Really perfect for each other. Im SOOOO JEALOUS!!

Which adds to my sense of void. lol

Worst trip ever

2008-04-02T03:45:00.004+08:00

Prelude: "I love travelling alone. I really love being alone. Rachel is really such a brat.. Remember what I told you about her being so selfish and whiny.. kept wallowing in self pity and appearing to be really concerned w her grandpa when u really wonder how much of her tears are for real.. n is she merely crying for herself n using some form of filial piety reason as a shield?? She is soooo spoilt.. n instead of being a partner that shoulders the burden of travelling. she adds to mine. i haf to tkcare of her and myself. totally not helping. and she kept mocking the China Chinese.. hello?! RESPECT?!? i cannot travel with someone who does not have the least form of respect for me."

Perhaps it's the expectation of Prague being a cheap, beautiful city.
Perhaps it's the habitudal attitude of travelling alone.
Perhaps it's just my luck.

Somehow, Prague turned out the worst of all my travelling destinations.

It is the opposite of everything I've expected.

Expensive touristy shops. (blame myself for not preparing enough money for this touristy place)
Rather unpleasant experience with a local shop keeper who seems to have problem calculating (or mayb she's trying to cheat my money)
Badly annoyed and offended by my Taiwanese travelling companion who kept swearing and cursing the mainland Chinese in front of me and not apologising after remembering that I was one of them (and still consider myself as part of them). Also, sheh was totally rude about my usage of Chinese nouns and expressions for certain items. She kept saying that the words I use is so Mainland Chinese and old-fashioned, and that Taiwan's the best. I'll elaborate in detail later on.

The Taiwanese Episode.

I have nothing personal against the Taiwanese, I think they're really happening and entertaining people to be with. I admire their ability to survive all on themselves as such a small island and also have such a strong and vibrant Chinese culture. I understand that Mainland China and the Mainland Chinese might have been less than pleasant towards Taiwanese, and I totally understand it when my friend (Rachel) kept complaining about how the chinese are rude and mean to the Taiwanese and that they should gain independence. I respect that.

Rachel complaint that some random Chinese person in her friend's sch walked up to her n say tt taiwanese are @#% blablabla..n tt she's really offended. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry that Chinese appeared to b so uncouth and uncultured. I'm very certain that I would not do that to others. That's the best that I can do.

Well, you'd expect that for someone who has so much sensitivity in her own national pride, and so much expressed sense of righteousness to know better how to treat others. Guess what happened.

(just to side track, at the start of the trip she was wondering if this Czech roommate of hers with red, almost pinkish hair, has her hair dyed or is it natural. I said we could just ask, n she said it's rude to ask cos it's like expressing doubts towards the authenticity of her hair color.. )

Day 1 at around PRague Castle. I was absolutely serenated by the hill top view of the city, so quaint and romantic! n i kept gushing over every single thing cos it's just such a nice experience! n she, with her black face, was like mumbling "y are u so excited for.." yes, wat a spoil sport.

Then in some cathedral, we met this group of China tourists who were in front of a painting, n their guide was like narrating some historical event regarding it. Out of interest I stood there for a while to listen. and the guide, seeing that I'm like.. taking advantage of her expertise without giving the right reward, stopped in the middle of her speech and stared at me. Slowly, the entire group turned to look at me. I was really really offended.

At that instance, I had the instinct to stop n just stand there. OR to say in French or English sth along the line of "I have the same right as u to stand here, if you don't like it, u can move away. This is a public place free for all to see. This is prague, not China. at least not yet. Maybe after Tibet, Taiwan, and all, you can consider here, but not now" but aiyar.. so many pple. Still, I have to say, this guide has no soul!! i mean knowledge is meant to be shared among people! If she's soooooooo proud of her knowledge, all the more she should flaunt it right?!?! why is she so protective and selfish about it?!!? it's not as if it's like some SECRET recipe! it's like u can just google it and find it!! NO WONDER CHINA CANNOT PROGRESS FAST! WITH PEOPLE AS SELFISH AS THAT! NO WONDER EVERYONE SAID TAHT WE ARE SO SEPARATED!

Anyway, Rachel was with me when that happened, and that further proves to her that the Chinese people are annoying to her. (of course I know this is annoying for anyone, and I would b as convinced as she is) So she started cursing and saying sth to the extend of "f***ing Chinese" !#@ and im like.. "hey hey, don't say that.. I know this guide is particularly annoying and rude, and im very angry with her myself.. but I think it's not nice of u to say that about all the Chinese.. cos I'm one too"

And guess what? she was like oh. no expression on her face. n walked away. and she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.
like WHAT? is it MY FAULT?! For someone as thoughtful and sensitive as her, for someone who considers a lot about the offensiveness of expression doubt towards the authenticity fo someone's hair colour, is it really THAT hard to try to reason the inappropriateness of her extreme loathe towards the Chinese???

I mean she was so self-righteous to the point of being sanctimonious! she was saying how the Chinese discriminate the Taiwanese, and how it's so rude and all, and isn't it really hypocritical of her to do exactly the same, and probably even worse than what she talked about???!!! I tried to talk to her nicely again at night regarding what happened in the day, to just like ease the tension cos we still have 2 days together. n she merely said "i forgot u r fr china" n end of conversation. Ladies, in times like this, is a small "sorry" too much to ask after someone insulted your whole ancestry and family to the end of her wrath??

Then today, I was looking out of the window, and she mumbled sth softly a few times and I heard her voice so I turned to look at her, n I saw her writing postcard, so I asked. oh u need liquid paper? (in chinese I used the word 涂改液 which actually makes much more sense than the direct translation of the Taiwanese term 立可白) n she was like.. oh.. i tried 3 different terms before u understood me...! And I was like.. Harh? i didn't even hear u saying any of them, I would understand if u did.. BEFORE I CAN FINISH SPEAKING SHE JUST KEPT REPEATING MOCKINGLY "涂改液". and laffing at it. I'm like.. (silent).

I was so angry.. and we walkd to the bus station. While waiting for bus, I tried to reason with her nicely again, that I do not like it that she kept mocking and laughing at all the Chinese terms I use.. cos whenever I use some term that she does not use in Taiwan, but is widely used in Singapore and China and probably all the authentic Chinese speaking places, she would laugh at it and say that it soudns really old fashioned and lousy. And I told her that she should not do that because it's a different culture and habit and that she can't always think that Taiwan is the best by putting others down and she's like "TAIWAN IS THE BEST" and cut me off without even letting me finish my reasoning. HOW BARBARIC!

Then I tried to tell her after that, that I'm very hurt and upset with her for her great persistence (which normally would have been a valuable asset if used the right way). and before I could finish telling her why it upset me so much, she was like.. "你很烦嘞". oh gosh..pray thee tell me, can anyone get more unreasonable and dismissive and ridiculous than that?!?!

It makes me wonder, is it the upbringing? is it the education (or the lack of it)? or is it just the person? I cannot understand how someone can be as unreasonable and dismissive and hypocritical and sanctimonious and such a big wet blanket!!

WHAT IS WRONG with gushing at everything that impresses u n makes u happy?
WHAT IS WRONG with being a China Chinese who respects you for who u are and admitting that the Chinese are flawed and that we should treat u guys better?
WHAT IS WRONG with using Authentically Chinese terms that is not directly translated fr English and thus becoming a second rated bastardised Chinese?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?!

Yes, honestly, if she really wan to compare, Taiwanese Chinese is just like Quebecan French. They called it the Bastardised French. so it's the Bastardised Chinese. When I asked Gigi what chinese does she like to learn? She said the China Chinese. but I did tel Gigi that the essence of Chinese lies in the characters too, and that the older traditional characters says more than the simplified ones. And the traditionmal characters are used by the Taiwanese, which means to say they kept quite a lot of the essence of the Chinese language. However, there's always a pro and a con in everything, and that nothing is perfectly good or bad. Taiwanese chinese and China chinese should be learnt and appreciated together, instead of compared and eliminated as something that's mutually exclusive! What kinda myotic and selfish person is it to actually want the world to dismiss the other possibility?!

Also, please remind me NEVER to travel with needy people again. I've had enough these few days reading maps, figuring out the ways, the destinations and everything that needs to be done for a trip AND looking after someone who's so pathetically negative. I'd rather be alone, travelling alone and all.. I was a lot happier when I was alone than when I had to carry someone else on my back.

No more selfish and spoilt brats for me thanks.

Drunkards unite!

2008-03-03T21:05:00.004+08:00

I went brussels with Phylisia and Derek on Saturday. it's really fun! hahaha.. they're two really good companion for travelling n all.. haha..
Starting from the first few fotos we took on our way to Brussels..
We visited the place with the BEST fries in Belgium. (belgium's quite well known for their beer n fries in case u think tt Godiva's all they're famous for. ahha)

It's LITERALLY the best fries because everyone around in brussels knows if u ask them for the location.. haha.. n it's realli a huge portion.. :) nice lunch i'd say. we had nice escargots too!!
this little jester man is really cute too!! haha..
we came to the well-known Delirium cafe that sells 2000 over different flavours of beer!! n we see a blue fairy outside of the bar, apparently according to Derek, if you drink Absinthe, u're supposed to see a green fairy. :)
that's just part of what we drank..there was Coconut Beer, Chocolate Beer, Mango Beer, Banana Beer, Blueberry Beer, Cheery Beer, Raspberry Beer, etc etc etc.. hahaa.. I tried asking for Kiwi.. too bad i think it doesn't exist, YET. haha.. n when I asked for Aloe Vera beer.. they gaf me a look as if im speaking alien language or sth.. haha.. :P it was fun!

http://www.deliriumcafe.be/

On people and culture..

2008-02-26T18:38:00.005+08:00

A friend was angry with someone for declaring that she's got "culture shock" from the inefficiency of Belgium (as compared to Asia). She said that unless she has no understanding or a fixed idea of her own culture (aka she has no cultural heritage that has effects on her), she would definitely haf culture shock. and I suppose that she's angry that the "someone" put her in such a bad light in the mannerism that he declared it.

My cousin's boyfriend was reprimanded severely by me because "love is not self-seeking" and I find him too insecure and selfish in his portrayal of love. Too Needy to be more succinct. Apparently, after that, it was the cause for more insecurity. Personally, his insecurity has nothing to do with me, because theoretically it wouldn't affect me. However, when his selfishness and insecurity gets in my way (ie holding my cousin back from taking the train to meet me and making me wait around the whole day without specifying or making it clear beforehand, that pisses me off. I think by doing this, he has no respect for my time and my priorities. ALL in the name of selfish love. What an oxymoronic term) And seriously, what ticks me off was him saying "we share share okae?" because 1. how selfish can that sound coming from a 26 yr old. 2. i nv believe in sharing, not because im selfish, but i think sharing means that you have to split when I think love is not even a thing about splitting. cos the very concept of love is sth tt.. cannot diminish the more u gif away or u receive! so how can he speak of sharing when i have no intention of snatching or possessing it? the concept of sharing is that of possession, not love. 3. i do NOT like it when guys try to act cute. Period. Acting cute/innocent/bambi-eyed is a privilege and right of girls. In fact, even when girls act all doe-eyed, I get a little annoyed! Because I M NOT A GUY!! I won't possibly go all soft over someone flattering my male chauvinistic ego (cos there's none).

Anyway. im over. cos i blasted at him n i felt evil n then i felt good. ahah. I just hope that he can learn to be more confident of himself! I mean, it's gonna b realli difficult for both parties if he is insecure.. I think everyone has a level of insecurity, but when he is THAT vulnerable and insecure, how can he support the extra insecurity in the girl?? *shrug* to my knowledge, I think librans are rather insecure.. I'm a libran as my rising sign.. so i think i'd know.. haha sort of.

Well, what came to my mind was.. I imagine myself telling such a needy guy.. "if the only thing u need is assurance, then I can assure u that I don't need you."

Another thought on culture. Toilet habits. My friend studying in the States was very angry with his Chinese roommates for throwing toilet papers into wastepaper baskets instead of the toilet bowl. cos he finds it too disgusting and unhygienic. I told him, in certain countries/places, if you DON'T do that, u're considered as being very inconsiderate because you risk blocking the toilet bowl. Furthermore, my friend from Taiwan agrees that in Taiwan, they throw that into the waste paper basket too. In that case, it's probably different engineering of the toilet bowl that determines the toilet habit of people.. I think the fact that they bother to throw into the waste paper basket, already indicates their effort to make things better for everyone and their attempt be considerate (let's face it, it's much easier to throw paper into the toilet bowl than into the waste paper basket.. ) Sometimes, it's really the thought that counts.. don't you think so? =]

Scandals

2008-02-18T20:16:00.002+08:00

In this age, everywhere's plagued with scandals.. sex scandals top them all.. but what I like, is the idea that Daniel Henney is dating Maggie Q. hahaa. that's what I call a worthy scandal. :P

My, they're probably the most compatible looking couple!

Pondering on friendship

2008-02-18T18:19:00.002+08:00

I was reading En's blog the other day, and I can understand why she was so upset about the issue on friendship.

I think most of the times two people in a relationship, are not on the same platform where they love each other the same way with the same intensity. Sometimes I wonder am I to others what they are to me. That would be the ideal situation, but that's hardly the case, sadly.

I had been experiencing certain let-downs these days by people whom I thought I could trust/count down. I guess 'tis true that you can only count on people to let you down. I don't understand why do people have to go into this self-denial mode sometimes, and they want others to shoulder their blame and go into hiding from the consequences of their own choice and actions. Friends too, they are there when they need you, but when you're out of sight, you're truly out of mind too. Well, not all, but almost all.

I guess this is life isn't it? People come and go, we get used to it, so we don't bother that much anymore... I read en's bit on how she never ignores a mail, and I can so empathise with her! People rarely respond to your mails, even though you do reply to every single one of theirs. After a while, you kinda wonder why. Especially puzzling is when someone emails you to ask about your life/day, and you replied enthusiastically, and then that was it. So you check your inbox everyday to see if your mail had somehow been bounced back due to some internet error, or you check your Sent box to make sure that your email has been sent out and it's not just a facet of your imagination. In the end, you somehow come to this conclusion that, your friend must have been too busy and that you'll meet up in no time at all, so there's really no need for you to fret over the unreciprocated mail/greeting. After some time, there are two situations.. First case is, you'll start convincing yourself that your friendship with that friend is not that deep and that if it was you, you would not have responded to all the mails/greetings sent by that friend anyway (though you know perfectly well that it's hardly the case). Second case is, you'll tell yourself that you two are wayyyyyy too close to need such superficial validation of friendship, and that you should just lay back and just reminisce the love you two share when you two met up some time back.

As we grow, it seems that such behaviour becomes a custom, and we've grown accustomed to it too.. Maybe that is what life is about, in a truly buddhist way, it teaches us that anything and everything can be discarded because in the end nothing matters.

Truly Zen.

Au revoir Mister Franglais

2008-02-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

From http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7221918.stm

Au revoir Mister Franglais

By Neil Hallows

The British are notoriously bad at learning foreign tongues. But with Franglais, the late Miles Kington showed anyone could get by on holiday with just a petit peu of effort.
If there is one foreign language that English speakers always seem to crack, it's Franglais.

Its rules are simple. Insert as many French words as you know into the sentence, fill in the rest with English, then speak it with absolute conviction.

Although it wasn't known as such then, Franglais is found in Shakespeare and has probably been used for as long as the English and French have had to talk to each other.

The man who popularised the term 'Franglais' - Miles Kington
It is simple to learn - Bill Wyman's line, "Je suis un rock star", being a good start. But Miles Kington, who died on Wednesday, did it best. After all, he coined the name for this hybrid tongue.

Kington studied languages, and it showed. In a long-running series of columns for Punch, and in a number of books, he satirised the earnest but doomed efforts of native English speakers to handle French.

Like a phrase book, each of his "lessons" covered a particular situation:

A man is accused of driving his car "avec toute la finesse d'un Rangers fan"
A door-to-door seller assures his customers "je ne suis pas un nutter religieux"
Bodged attempts at foreign languages are as important as food poisoning to a good holiday anecdote, but Franglais is a daily reality for millions working in Europe, Africa and Canada.

The Canadian journalist Karl Mamer, author of a website on Franglais, says many Canadians speak "cereal box French", as they only get to practise it by reading the bilingual text on the back of the box in the morning.

When they then travel to French-speaking centres, like Montreal or Quebec City, their few words of French are used as a kind of peace offering to shopkeepers. He says they're thinking: "Look, I'm going to try speaking as much French as possible, showing you I'm making a sufficient effort, and then you please switch to your fluent English as soon as I've linguistically self-flagellated myself before you."

Vote pour moi

Franglais might be good enough to buy your oignons, but it's different if you want to win votes. Politicians running for office in an officially bilingual country need to try to master both languages, although some have made it to high office without knowing their coude from their elbow.

Le cultural ambassador par excellence - M Wyman
"It's a question always asked in a leadership campaign," says Janyce McGregor, a producer who covers parliament for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. "They may be a rising star, and very clever, but their language skills are always going to be a factor."

It's not just high office either. A Francophone bus passenger in Ottawa complained to the city transport authority last December that drivers must be bilingual, and be sent off for language training if necessary.

But as Ms McGregor points out: "If people are bilingual, they probably won't apply to be bus drivers."

In Canada, Franglais helps French and English speakers co-exist, even if it's a shoddy compromise for some. In France it is something quite different. It is a cultural attack.

This is not the Franglais of the tourist asking awkwardly for a cup de cafe. What concerns them is the creeping advance of English words, especially American-English, into their language.

English purge

The Toubon Law, passed in 1994, was an attempt to restrict them. It makes French compulsory in government publications, most workplaces, advertisements, parts of the media and state-funded schools.

MILES KINGTON'S FRANGLAIS
Le Phone-in Programme: Je ne suis pas un bon sleeper, Brian, et votre programme me donne une sorte de company
A la Douane: Black Pudding n'est pas tax-free
Le job interview: Vous etes exactement le go-ahead personal assistant que je cherche
Au zoo: Nous avons vu seulement deux animaux avec les yeux ouverts
Le hangover: Il y a un petit homme dans ma tete, qui fait le demolition work
Source: Let's Parler Franglais! and Let's Parler Franglais Again! by Miles Kington

And French means French. Public bodies weed out English words and suggest French ones where they previously did not exist. So it was goodbye "e-mail", hello "courriel", although "le weekend" - for some the dark heart of Franglais - has survived.

London-based French journalist Agnes Poirier says those who suggest new words are often too late. "The man in the street will have already adopted English words to describe new trends."

It's true that, like a really good French waiter, Franglais always seem to be hovering nearby with a suggestion. Need a three-word headline to sum up the man who has cost Societe Generale billions? Le Rogue Trader, as the Independent - Kington's own paper - described him last week.

So e-mails still swamp courriels on French web pages. And despite the Toubon Law, Ms Poirier says the internet has led to an invasion of English words, which are picked up by newspapers because they seem fashionable, and then find their way into speech.

A rogue trader and he's French... now what's the headline?
But why does it matter? Ms Poirier's book, Touche, a French Woman's Take on the English, has plenty of examples of the English language adopting French words and phrases, even if some of them, like "double entendre", are not actually said in France.

It's a kind of Franglais, but it has never seemed to bother anyone, except George Orwell - and he objected to using foreign phrases on the grounds of clarity rather than culture. Other mixed languages like Spanglish and Denglisch (German and English) also exist without causing nearly so much anguish.

The French see it differently because English is taking over the world and French isn't. English doesn't need defending, but French, once the European language of freedom and culture, does. And English is not just 600,000 eccentrically spelt words in a very large book, it is, to some, a symbol of Anglo-American cultural imperialism, the language of junk food.

You might think we were talking about the last two speakers of a native American dialect, rather than French, which is used by more than 350 million people. But to some, a future of Franglais n'est pas un future at all.

Perils of love..

2008-01-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

蓝正龙给大S的信---当爱已成往事

2008-01-11T23:49:00.000+08:00

v touching.. :)

蓝正龙给大S的信---当爱已成往事

2007-12-01 13:14

这是蓝正龙在分手前写给大S的最后一封信,之后大S就因结婚的问题和他分手了..觉得蓝正龙写得很好,很细腻..原来看过,今天再看还是觉得很有感觉~
曾经有句哲人说过,世界上最遥远的距离是我站在我面前，你却不知道我爱你。我明明很爱你却注定失去你,《恋人》的记者会上我冷漠的看镜头，仿佛是透过飘渺的空气看着一直在我身边却是镜花水月的你，于是我的目光变的空虚和黯然。因为我很爱很爱你，所以能微笑着离去，虽然我不会再见你，幸福只是我们曾经在一起。

从最初的最初，你看见我起，你的眼里有熟悉的温存，遇到故人一般，我以为，我真的以为，我们有缘，对不起，我辜负了你，原来你爱的我只是你偶像的倒影，对不起。影子不该怪主人的，但我不得不怨恨我不是你的他，我却拥有你如此轻易，以至我措手不及陷入你的爱里。你给我带饭，陪我交谈，剧组忽然每一个人都告诉我说大美女大S喜欢我，我从惊愕到欢喜，我是如此低调的人，我怎么会奢望得到美女的主动垂青，而且忽然间全世界就知道了，全世界都在祝福，我怎么能退却，虽然我觉得我配不上你，于是为了我的虚荣，为了大家的祝福，也为了你。自然而然我们在一起了。

　　我欢喜你爱我，因为你的宣言，我很茫然你爱我，也因为你的宣言：你喜欢LV包包，你喜欢CD，喜欢SKII，每次都要去香港扫荡，狂买几百万的东西。你说因为我爱贵妇人，所以要把自己变的贵气，亲爱的，你知道吗，对一个出门都穿夹脚拖鞋的人，怎么会那么在乎女朋友是不是贵妇。

　　我在平静的乡村宜兰长大，你在台北的银楼诞生，也许这注定了我们的差异，亲爱的我希望和你在一起，我怎么会再希望把你送上神坛，加大我们之间的距离。我爱平常的你。其实我爱你，不需要你用穿名牌服装来衬托，一季季的服装呀，只是路过的风景，难道那换季的声浪中已经注定无言的结局。当你是杉菜的时候，我有一个小女孩依偎在我身边，但是你的光芒实在太耀眼，使我慢慢忽略了她，因为你纯然的杂草气质。亲爱的你该知道的，其实平凡才是你最吸引人的地方，那些看似高贵的珠宝，手表，面膜，其实都遮掩了你的纯真，象你所说那些势力的毒，傲慢的香，侵蚀了你独有的芬芳，我头晕目眩，漠然无语，空洞的享受着你慷慨的给予。

　　你时常在餐桌上，说你要吐，亲爱的，你知道我多少次的惊喜，以为你有了BB----我们永远的联系。你在我面前不放屁，约会时不上厕所，我用2小时3小时的时间去等你，等你头发一丝不乱的出现在我面前，这段时间我只能去找小S健身，我们粗鲁的挥汗如雨。其实，亲爱的，你知道吗，我更爱你被我弄乱的散在枕头上的千丝万缕。永远的妆容精致，以至我认不清哪个是你，亲爱的，你知道吗，女神仙女都不是用来爱的，都是用来膜拜的，对不起，我不能用香火供品来仰慕你。亲爱的，对不起。其实你想成为仙女，我应该努力成为仙童，而不该贪恋平凡，也许是这样注定我们是牛郎织女。亲爱的，我以为你理解我的平凡，我们计划着没人请我们的时候去卖素鸡和臭豆腐，平凡安逸，但后来你说你可以过苦日子的，你1天可以只吃一只香蕉度日，我亲爱的小女孩，我黯然无语，苦日子并不是一根香蕉而已，我亲爱的天真的小女孩，何况我怎么忍心让你知道什么是真正的苦日子，所以我更无语。或许我该努力成就自己，让你不见外面真正的风雨。我开车去接你，我住在你家里，只和你朋友联系，和你家人吃饭聊天，我疏远了我的朋友，我慢慢学会摒弃媒体只把我当成你男友的新闻，专心每天听你在节目上讲我们的甜蜜。你替我吃素，你为我当贵妇人，你为我美容，你为我成了仙女，你为我未婚先孕传了好几次。你帮我推掉你不喜欢我演的戏，你把骂我的导演赶出去。亲爱的我不是不知感激，只是我给你的爱你不要，你给我的爱我要不起。你要的我给不起。亲爱的，对不起。我不要你为我成为谁，我只爱原来的你而已。

亲爱的，有人以为结婚就是结局，但我知道那只是开始而已，看客以为结婚就是圆满就可以普天同庆，可是亲爱的，恋人最终决定在一起还是分离，不是一个决定而已，结婚同样不是一个决定而已，我的决定要对你负责，要对我们2个未来负责，我可以为你的快乐冒雨跑出去买你喜欢的奶茶，却不能容忍你把婚姻当成筹码，来决定是否把我推出去，其实，我任性的小女孩，你是太阳，我是月亮，我们何止隔了一个晨昏而已。为什么你总是透过我看到另一个影子，而忽略了卑微的我自己。当你告诉我你要离开我，我竭力忍住不说一次我爱你，只平淡告诉你，你期待的人一定会很爱你。为何分离，不是我不爱你。相爱终于无奈分离。默默望着你背影消失。竭力再不说出一声爱你。困倦的我困倦的你。似过了沧桑一世纪。冷漠的雨风中翻飞，心中那回忆，来奉劝不应再念你，寒风中的背影街灯映照里别去，任我悲哭不再可能相见，当天不过一出好戏不必再抱怨，不必再计较为何分离......

My Moon sign

2008-01-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

wow.. i think quite accurate lei..

Moon in Aquarius
Keywords: Sociable, Perverse, Independent, Altruistic, Demanding, Unflappable

Those born with the moon in an Air sign usually respond to situations in a way they think should fit the facts, that is, they act in a way they think others expect them to act, or they imitate the same behavior as others. This gives them the appearance of emotional coolness or non-involvement. Before turning a situation into a physical experience, and before considering the stability or practicality of the thing, or even how they may really feel about it, they tend to do and say what seems appropriate as if it were not really happening to them. In spite of what appears to be their analytical detachment, most of them are loving and loyal in relationships.

As lunar Air sign personalities, those with moon in Aquarius can be very sympathetic without being sentimental. Rarely beset with moodiness themselves, they often fail to pay attention to it in others, giving the impression they don't care. Idealistic, optimistic and friendly, they are unbiased and liberal in their treatment of people in general. Highly social, they attract friends and acquaintances from all walks of life, social and cultural backgrounds. They have difficulty focusing attention on just one person. As far as they are concerned "the more the merrier". Despite whatever eccentricity shows up in their personality, they are emotionally stable. Something in their emotional make-up gives them remarkable ability to calm those who are mentally disturbed or hysterical. When disappointed or unhappy, they focus on their activities and chores with such aplomb that others may not even realize they are upset.

Aquarius moon personalities do not want to be rushed or forced into making an emotional commitment. Once they make a commitment to an idea, project or relationship, they are tenaciously loyal and dedicated. Strong individualism and an eccentric nature can make marriage difficult. Marriage or raising a family rarely changes their established way of thinking and doing things. Though remaining independent in opinions and attitudes, more often than not, their attitudes and opinions turn out to be pretty traditional.

Women with Aquarius moon are often better friends and companions to their children than traditional nurturing mothers. Their interest in business or social affairs can distract them from ordinary domestic life. They may experience sorrow and disappointment in female relationships. Men with Aquarius moon display little jealousy or possessiveness in romantic relationships, a tendency that is sometimes interpreted by their partners as lack of love. Pursuing ideals and mental endeavors are often more important to them than amassing material wealth.

Gift of Celibacy

2008-01-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

Was talking to Mao on the phone regarding singlehood.. she suspects that she has " the gift of celibacy" (sounds oxymoronic somehow) haha.. and I told her. I THINK THAT I HAF THAT TOO!! lol.. so I decided to do a search on it. and i find this portion rather fit:

"The celibate person also does not feel comfortable following the masses, generally dismisses cultural norms and expectations, and follows her heart at all cost. Nothing in this world seems to be totally satisfying and she is constantly glancing off to the horizon, meditating on things to come. She has a strong sense of discernment and can see the superficiality in superficial things. She also has a strong sense of identification, an identification that is not derived from a spouse, parents, job, and children. She does not require a husband for her sense of femininity. She also has an unusual capacity to love her neighbor, is more sensitive to other peoples' needs, can communicate in a way that shows Jesus' love, and responds with patience and kindness when the world does not understand. With this comes a very strong focusing ability, continual prayer, and awareness of God's presence. An ability to rechannel energy is also important—a willingness to delve into projects wholeheartedly. I believe an appreciation of creation and beauty is also a common factor. Some of the greatest works of art have been created by celibates throughout history and are on display in monasteries around the world. "

The only difference is, I don't think that I'm deeply religious. So maybe Mao indeed has that gift, while im just.. having.. the curse of celibacy. LOL :)

Anyway was checking my moon sign, and im an aquarius for my moon sign. tt explains my relationship with charmaine being so close! hmm..

Moon in Aquarius
In many of life situations Moon Aquarians have they own, distinct and sometimes very original opinion. And they are not going to change their opinion whatever happens, even if they will be left alone. It is very important for these people to retain their independence, they don't want their personal life to be anybody else's concern. They are always original, have outstanding abilities in one or another area and serve like a magnet for those people who share their interests. This is why Moon Aquarians so often take the central place in the company of associates. And even here they somehow manage to keep their uniqueness. They are not mixing well with other people, they are together with them, but still alone.

As a result of their character quite often Moon Aquarians can become really alone in their personal life, and their constant urge for independence can lead to chronic emotionall stress. Hence their susceptibility to the disorders of nervous and circulatory systems, as also those unpredictable changes in their mood. There is an impression that at times they are getting tired of themselves, and to get rid of this tiredness they are trying to change abruptly, as if to become a different person.

To restore after a significant stress, Moon Aquarians need to have a hobby which they could plunge themselves into, forgetting about the surrounding world. It would be really good for them if they could speak out their problems, but this is not so easy, because Moon Aquarians do not like to just chat with anyone about anything. They prefer dealing with experts in their field of interest - this is with whom they are ready to talk endlessly. And if there is no such a person, then a good book could become a replacement for a friend.

As parents, Moon Aquarians can be very original. From the early years they will make clear to their child that everyones individuality is precious, and everyone should be independent. As a result, their kids might not be always properly fed or dressed, but they become self-reliant earlier than their peers and their talents develop more successfully.

Oscar Wilde's Nightgale and the Rose

2008-01-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

"What I a silly thing Love is," said the Student as he walked away. "It is not half as useful as Logic, for it does not prove anything, and it is always telling one of things that are not going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true. In fact, it is quite unpractical, and, as in this age to be practical is everything, I shall go back to Philosophy and study Metaphysics."

Markus told me this quote on our train to Muenster. Ironic as it is, the story is beautiful.. :(
Why are stories of great love always tragedies!? Is great love only verified through death and misery?? :(

The Nightingale and the Rose
by Oscar Wilde(1854-1900)

"She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses," cried the young Student; "but in all my garden there is no red rose."

From her nest in the holm-oak tree the Nightingale heard him, and she looked out through the leaves, and wondered.

"No red rose in all my garden!" he cried, and his beautiful eyes filled with tears. "Ah, on what little things does happiness depend! I have read all that the wise men have written, and all the secrets of philosophy are mine, yet for want of a red rose is my life made wretched."

"Here at last is a true lover," said the Nightingale. "Night after night have I sung of him, though I knew him not: night after night have I told his story to the stars, and now I see him. His hair is dark as the hyacinth-blossom, and his lips are red as the rose of his desire; but passion has made his face like pale ivory, and sorrow has set her seal upon his brow."

"The Prince gives a ball to-morrow night," murmured the young Student, "and my love will be of the company. If I bring her a red rose she will dance with me till dawn. If I bring her a red rose, I shall hold her in my arms, and she will lean her head upon my shoulder, and her hand will be clasped in mine. But there is no red rose in my garden, so I shall sit lonely, and she will pass me by. She will have no heed of me, and my heart will break."

"Here indeed is the true lover," said the Nightingale. "What I sing of, he suffers - what is joy to me, to him is pain. Surely Love is a wonderful thing. It is more precious than emeralds, and dearer than fine opals. Pearls and pomegranates cannot buy it, nor is it set forth in the marketplace. It may not be purchased of the merchants, nor can it be weighed out in the balance for gold."

"The musicians will sit in their gallery," said the young Student, "and play upon their stringed instruments, and my love will dance to the sound of the harp and the violin. She will dance so lightly that her feet will not touch the floor, and the courtiers in their gay dresses will throng round her. But with me she will not dance, for I have no red rose to give her"; and he flung himself down on the grass, and buried his face in his hands, and wept.

"Why is he weeping?" asked a little Green Lizard, as he ran past him with his tail in the air.

"Why, indeed?" said a Butterfly, who was fluttering about after a sunbeam.

"Why, indeed?" whispered a Daisy to his neighbour, in a soft, low voice.

"He is weeping for a red rose," said the Nightingale.

"For a red rose?" they cried; "how very ridiculous!" and the little Lizard, who was something of a cynic, laughed outright.

But the Nightingale understood the secret of the Student's sorrow, and she sat silent in the oak-tree, and thought about the mystery of Love.

Suddenly she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She passed through the grove like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed across the garden.

In the centre of the grass-plot was standing a beautiful Rose-tree, and when she saw it she flew over to it, and lit upon a spray.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."
But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are white," it answered; "as white as the foam of the sea, and whiter than the snow upon the mountain. But go to my brother who grows round the old sun-dial, and perhaps he will give you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing round the old sun-dial.
"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."

But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are yellow," it answered; "as yellow as the hair of the mermaiden who sits upon an amber throne, and yellower than the daffodil that blooms in the meadow before the mower comes with his scythe. But go to my brother who grows beneath the Student's window, and perhaps he will give you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing beneath the Student's window.
"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."

But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are red," it answered, "as red as the feet of the dove, and redder than the great fans of coral that wave and wave in the ocean-cavern. But the winter has chilled my veins, and the frost has nipped my buds, and the storm has broken my branches, and I shall have no roses at all this year."

"One red rose is all I want," cried the Nightingale, "only one red rose! Is there no way by which I can get it?"

"There is away," answered the Tree; "but it is so terrible that I dare not tell it to you."
"Tell it to me," said the Nightingale, "I am not afraid."

"If you want a red rose," said the Tree, "you must build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with your own heart's-blood. You must sing to me with your breast against a thorn. All night long you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine."

"Death is a great price to pay for a red rose," cried the Nightingale, "and Life is very dear to all. It is pleasant to sit in the green wood, and to watch the Sun in his chariot of gold, and the Moon in her chariot of pearl. Sweet is the scent of the hawthorn, and sweet are the bluebells that hide in the valley, and the heather that blows on the hill. Yet Love is better than Life, and what is the heart of a bird compared to the heart of a man?"

So she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She swept over the garden like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed through the grove.

The young Student was still lying on the grass, where she had left him, and the tears were not yet dry in his beautiful eyes.

"Be happy," cried the Nightingale, "be happy; you shall have your red rose. I will build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with my own heart's-blood. All that I ask of you in return is that you will be a true lover, for Love is wiser than Philosophy, though she is wise, and mightier than Power, though he is mighty. Flame- coloured are his wings, and coloured like flame is his body. His lips are sweet as honey, and his breath is like frankincense."

The Student looked up from the grass, and listened, but he could not understand what the Nightingale was saying to him, for he only knew the things that are written down in books.
But the Oak-tree understood, and felt sad, for he was very fond of the little Nightingale who had built her nest in his branches.

"Sing me one last song," he whispered; "I shall feel very lonely when you are gone."

So the Nightingale sang to the Oak-tree, and her voice was like water bubbling from a silver jar.
When she had finished her song the Student got up, and pulled a note-book and a lead-pencil out of his pocket.

"She has form," he said to himself, as he walked away through the grove - "that cannot be denied to her; but has she got feeling? I am afraid not. In fact, she is like most artists; she is all style, without any sincerity. She would not sacrifice herself for others. She thinks merely of music, and everybody knows that the arts are selfish. Still, it must be admitted that she has some beautiful notes in her voice. What a pity it is that they do not mean anything, or do any practical good." And he went into his room, and lay down on his little pallet-bed, and began to think of his love; and, after a time, he fell asleep.

And when the Moon shone in the heavens the Nightingale flew to the Rose-tree, and set her breast against the thorn. All night long she sang with her breast against the thorn, and the cold crystal Moon leaned down and listened. All night long she sang, and the thorn went deeper and deeper into her breast, and her life-blood ebbed away from her.

She sang first of the birth of love in the heart of a boy and a girl. And on the top-most spray of the Rose-tree there blossomed a marvellous rose, petal following petal, as song followed song. Pale was it, at first, as the mist that hangs over the river - pale as the feet of the morning, and silver as the wings of the dawn. As the shadow of a rose in a mirror of silver, as the shadow of a rose in a water-pool, so was the rose that blossomed on the topmost spray of the Tree.

But the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the Day will come before the rose is finished."

So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and louder and louder grew her song, for she sang of the birth of passion in the soul of a man and a maid.

And a delicate flush of pink came into the leaves of the rose, like the flush in the face of the bridegroom when he kisses the lips of the bride. But the thorn had not yet reached her heart, so the rose's heart remained white, for only a Nightingale's heart's-blood can crimson the heart of a rose.

And the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the Day will come before the rose is finished."

So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and the thorn touched her heart, and a fierce pang of pain shot through her. Bitter, bitter was the pain, and wilder and wilder grew her song, for she sang of the Love that is perfected by Death, of the Love that dies not in the tomb.
And the marvellous rose became crimson, like the rose of the eastern sky. Crimson was the girdle of petals, and crimson as a ruby was the heart.

But the Nightingale's voice grew fainter, and her little wings began to beat, and a film came over her eyes. Fainter and fainter grew her song, and she felt something choking her in her throat.
Then she gave one last burst of music. The white Moon heard it, and she forgot the dawn, and lingered on in the sky. The red rose heard it, and it trembled all over with ecstasy, and opened its petals to the cold morning air. Echo bore it to her purple cavern in the hills, and woke the sleeping shepherds from their dreams. It floated through the reeds of the river, and they carried its message to the sea.

"Look, look!" cried the Tree, "the rose is finished now"; but the Nightingale made no answer, for she was lying dead in the long grass, with the thorn in her heart.

And at noon the Student opened his window and looked out.

"Why, what a wonderful piece of luck!" he cried; "here is a red rose! I have never seen any rose like it in all my life. It is so beautiful that I am sure it has a long Latin name"; and he leaned down and plucked it.

Then he put on his hat, and ran up to the Professor's house with the rose in his hand.
The daughter of the Professor was sitting in the doorway winding blue silk on a reel, and her little dog was lying at her feet.

"You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red rose," cried the Student. "Here is the reddest rose in all the world. You will wear it to-night next your heart, and as we dance together it will tell you how I love you."

But the girl frowned.

"I am afraid it will not go with my dress," she answered; "and, besides, the Chamberlain's nephew has sent me some real jewels, and everybody knows that jewels cost far more than flowers."

"Well, upon my word, you are very ungrateful," said the Student angrily; and he threw the rose into the street, where it fell into the gutter, and a cart-wheel went over it.

"Ungrateful!" said the girl. "I tell you what, you are very rude; and, after all, who are you? Only a Student. Why, I don't believe you have even got silver buckles to your shoes as the Chamberlain's nephew has"; and she got up from her chair and went into the house.

"What I a silly thing Love is," said the Student as he walked away. "It is not half as useful as Logic, for it does not prove anything, and it is always telling one of things that are not going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true. In fact, it is quite unpractical, and, as in this age to be practical is everything, I shall go back to Philosophy and study Metaphysics."
So he returned to his room and pulled out a great dusty book, and began to read.

From: http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/owilde/bl-owilde-nigh.htm

No more Photos! for now

2008-01-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

I got really tired from posting photos because I realise that.. YOU CAN SEE THEM ON MY FACEBOOK PHOTO ALBUM! hahaa..

Anyway I shall just talk about my days in that case. I was pretty much quite pampered during my stay here because Yidan (my couz) and Markus (THE Ang Moh) have been bringing me around Germany. It was really the company that matters after a while, because you realise that scenery and building start to look similar over the span of a few journeys. I'm quite touched that they hosted me so well.. Yidan was with me practically 24/7 before her school starts.. and I am like taking over her life!! *gosh* haha. and Markus took 3 days to show me around!! 1 day to show me around Duesseldorf with yidan, 1 day to Muenster n Wuppertal n 1 day around Cologne. haha..

Did you know that Duesseldorf has the largest japanese population in the whole Europe continent?!!?
When we were in Duesseldorf, it's so clean and somewhat japanese! haha.. we went to a jap temple n took photos there even! Pretending that we went to Japan! LOL *cheap thrill*
Because of the big Japanese population there, they even offer Japanese in their high school! n Markus took that! Woo~! I think Charmaine really would love Duesseldorf!

Wuppertal had the air-bus *LOL* that excited since a century ago! it's this tram/bus that is suspended in the air. it was first developed and implemented in Wuppertal. n the tracks n all have been around for hundred of yrs!

Muenster's outdoor exhibition museum is interesting cos it's so ulu! n it's so deserted! so that some doors that seemed locked were actually accessible. and we were like sneaking around trying to open every door. haah.. so it's quite a cute surprise when some doors open (when others didn't) and u can explore the interior of the houses. haha..

I went with Yidan to Aachen, where there're quite a few Singaporeans studying. IT's quite interesting.. n apparently there's an Aachen Dom that has some really interesting myth/legend. There's a wolf statue at the entrace of the cathedral, the story goes that they ran out of fund while building the dom, n they made a pact with the devil, such that he can take the first soul that enters the Dom upon its completion as long as the Dom can be completed. So when the Dom's built, they let in the wolf and that's the soul that was taken by the devil. There is also a huge metal gate with two lion-like head sculpture as the door knob. In one of the lion's mouth, there is a claw-like finger thing and the door has cracks at its sides and all. Apparently the devil was so angry that he was offered the soul of a wolf, that he banged the gate really hard. And he sank his flaw into the metal door. haha.. sounds interesting!

Amsterdam's just.. okae. Cos it's just about sex n drugs, none of which we're interested in. So we just went to the largest park in amsterdam and camwhored. hahaa.. it's nice! we went there on a nice sunny day!! oh! we went to Van Gogh Museum too!! haha yea that's quite worth it as well.

In Cologne, I went to a Mondrian exhibition with Markus. You can really trace the development of Mondrian's style. and it's really quite interesting how he eventually developed into the final style cos it's just.. quite out of the box. *hmm.. though his paintings are all abt squares n boxes..*

We were supposed to go Bonn, but I think it didn't really work out in the end. So I suppose that I'll take a day trip there with Yidan or something :)

I'm quite tired from travelling, yet I want to just go around and see stuffs, instead of staying at home and rot.. but home seems warmer. haha.. ah well.. school's gona start soon.. gotta start getting into the stay-home-and-study mode!

Paris

2008-01-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

veins of the earth.. quite amazing that roots of trees can come through the cement ground..

This is the place where "Before Sunset" was filmed.. the bookshop at least. haha.. quite nice interior!

hmm.. Crepes... Hmm.. YUMMY!!

Met up with Li Jie n Sun Kai for christmas. this is with Sun Kai. haha..

haha yes in Wen Rui's place with Mingling. The photo last taken in Paris at Wen Rui's place before we go Amsterdam.

Germany

2008-01-10T20:46:00.001+08:00

at the lake near my cousin's place.. in Cologne. SO NICE!
In dusseldorf with Markus. His highsch. he nailed those benches many yrs ago to the tree as a school project. haha
at markus's house. so quaint right.. but he said he didn't really like it. cos it's a little old fashioned.. wuld b better if it's in darker shades of brown..

Yes, I have received complaint from HY that i've not been updating my blog. LOL! well.. I ASSUME that everyone has a facebook account with me on it, and will be checking THAT for my photos and updates.. Somehow blogger doesn't upload fotos that efficiently.. :) But I shall upload a few here!

Me and my Flight Details

2007-12-16T09:47:00.000+08:00

okae for all those interested.. my flight details are as follows:

Singapore Changi Airport Terminal 1
Flight EK 0344 K
23 Dec
0140h
towards Dubai where i'll transit to Paris CDG

I've been trying to convince nipu for the past week that he's in love with me! TO NO AVAIL!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but aww... im touched tt nipu said he'll miss me though it's not as if we realli talked for the past half a year aniwae! LOL!!

Was talking to piggy the other day abt commitment.. i was saying that i m realli scared of pple being too dependent n sticky to me.. once i feel that someone actually relies on me, that every action i do affects him/her, n im probably the ONLY person who does that, I get scared and I will wanna run away and get away from the person. I guess I like the idea that I can choose to connect n disconnect at will.. without much thoughts about how much repercussion it has on another person. n being responsible for someone probably means that i wuld haf to consider very very carefully all the possible effects of every single action on one particular person.. n tts just too tiring for me.

Miss Lim asked.. so who's happily attached? haah.. seems like everyone has their own problem(s).

Talked to piggy about "Blink" the book that talks about intuition etc. n maturity.. she's grown up quite a fair bit over the years.. :) which im glad of.. cos she's more self-reflective n she actualli will question her own actions n not be too self-righteous about everything she does.. she actually looks are two sides of the coin and evaluate them.. instead of just letting her emotions get the better of her.. I think that's important. I'm not saying that we should not be in touch with our emotional side. but I think that it's also important that we are aware of how our emotions manipulates our perception of things in quite negative senses that spoiling a lot of things which might not have been that badly affected had we cool down and look at things more rationally.

Of course, self-righteousness is a big biasness when we evaluate things. the eyes see what the mind seeks. It's just like how the thin slice theory in "Blink" works only to a certain degree. it only works if we do not have any biasness and preoccupied distortion to what we perceive.

Ah well, I really should sit down at borders n read through the book properly instead of juz browsing through.. sometimes i just lack the patience to read thru an entire book.. haha

Frank Gehry the movie

2007-12-12T11:07:00.001+08:00

YAY!!!! Picture House is showing Sketches of Frank Gehry this sat 3pm!!!

STrangely, I can't think of anyone that I can ask along for the movie.. except liyi.

cos Rentian's girlfriend's returning on sat so he prob need to pick her up, n it's weird to hang out w guys whom im not like SUPER gum with at this point in my life. haha. now i just feel v hermit. haha.. except vv close friends, i don't feel like seeing too many people. haha..

So Close

2007-12-10T21:41:00.000+08:00

So Close (feat. Jon McLaughlin) SONG LYRICS

You're in my arms
And all the world is gone
The music playing on
For only two
So close togehter

And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye
And never knew
So close was waiting
Waiting here with you
And now, forever, I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close

So close to reaching
That famous happy and
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Now you're beside me
And look how far we've come
So far
We are
So close...

Oh, how could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?

We're so close to reaching
That famous happy end
Almost believing
This one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming
Though we know we are
So close
So close, and still
So far...

I love this song.. =] This is so nice!! I love Jon McLaughlin's voice.. it's so charming. It just melts me, and makes me just stay rested in his embrace forever!! I'd say that this is my favourite love song of the year.

Someone talked about nostalgia of a past with someone else in it... caused me to think quite a bit..hmm...

I think this song's nice with the MTV of Notebook. It's one really touching story.. much more touching than Enchanted I'd think..

Moving back

2007-12-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm back home! at last! was out with stats grp mates at PS for 'coffee' n lunch.. talked quite a bit, but there was a fair bit of silence too. Perfect. haha.. I luv the feeling of calm and quiet and comfort in silence.

I just hope that one day I can find someone whom I feel comfortable being quiet and chatty at any pt of the time. someone whom i can feel his love n presence even if he's far away and if we've not been in contact for days. i think it's just like the best of friends.. best of the understanding. That, is my dream.

Christmas Concert

2007-12-06T09:45:00.000+08:00

Past few days, were predominantly Ann Day. LOL.

Yea, I went over hers for sleep over for like.. a few nights. And it's AMAZING! hahah... we made lover specs. hahahha.. and we camwhored for like half an hr!!

I really have to thank Ann for inviting me for "A Crazy Christmas". It's a christmas concert by lotsa theatre pple like the Dim Sum Dollies, Hossan Leong, Lim Yu-Beng, Robin Goh, Lim Kay Siu, John Lee, Sebastian Tan, Tan Kheng Hua etc. etc.

Hossan Leong's absolutely hilarious! I'm definitely gona keep a look out for his stand ups or his plays in the future. and I simply ADORE Pam Oei!!! She's sooooooo CUTE!!!!! haha.. and Emma Yong's realy high class. hahaha.. (woo, that makes me sound like Charmaine). Sebastian Tan is funny in an ah-beng way.. (of course, Broadway Beng!) and regretfully I can only understand 60% of his jokes cos i'm not hokkien speaking. Lim Yu-Beng's got very very well-built body for his age! and Tan Kheng Hua has this really really pretty cinderella-ish pair of heels that's JUST SO charming!!!! I just can't help but starring at it thruout the show.

I think if you have the chance, please catch it!! It's showing till uhh.. i duno when too. but u can visit http://www.dreamacademy.com.sg/ for more info. Ann's got free tickets so like 6 of us went in for free.. haha.. nice. She went Little Shop of Horrors for free too!! (ARGH!)

I'm on BUDGET. Yes, haha, laugh all u want, this is probably the first time im being really stingy and saving up! Cos Euros are SO EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been talking to people about, yes the perpetual worry, relationships. Or as Lun so aptly put, Relationshits. lol.

When I look at people who aren't so blissfully in love, they often tell me that it's better off single. and I think it's true!! Ann said that it's very important that the guy has you in mind and in consideration in things that he does.. for example..

he should NOT get the girlfriend to buy an expensive (okae it's expensive by my standard) me-to-you bear for another girl's birthday when
1. you don't even know that girl.
2. he does not even do that for you.
3. he is not even thankful for and appreciative of it. *cough*

Well, that sounds like law. only when all three are fulfilled, is there a valid unacceptance. hahah..

Then again, who am I to judge.. I'm just filled with idealistic ideas of relationships and love. unrealistic ideals.. and I'm nowhere near to them.

Josh said that this is what happens when you make everything so logical and analyse them.

anyway my sis just introed me this song Heartland--I loved her first.
it's SO SWEETT!! about father marrying a daughter off.. awwww.... just like Butterfly Kisses.

Was thinking about how it seems that certain words in Chinese and English have this very military/violent origin. like 先斩后奏 literally means to execute someone first and then report it later. and when we say to execute something, it means to do something in today's context, but it probably had the same origin of chopping off someone's head. Hm... and it's really interesting that it seems that many parts of the ancient world had a lot of similar developments though they're not connected to each other at all.. or are they?? hmm..

Meant to be

2007-12-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

Some people are meant to find the right match, and live happily ever after.
Some others, are meant to live alone.

I think I'm the latter.

It's not that bad, considering that I have a trust/commitment/identity issue. haha.. :) Till I sort out myself, I doubt I'm capable of handling one more person in my life. haha..

I don't think not dealing with the issue is a good solution.

Anyway, I'm quite happy for my friends who are getting attached/already attached. Though it means that it'll be a little strange at gatherings where everyone's having a partner.. haha..

Was at Jamie's bdae celebration a while ago, her 3 friends and her were with their respective boyfriends. And when it comes to cake cutting, one of the girl suggested to just cut it into 4 pieces, cos the couples can just share one. And Jamie was really so sweet, she's like "Hey, what abt pan!" I was quite touched. haha.. cos Jamie's always been so caring and thoughtful!! :D *love!*

Then the girls went on to talk about how one of the girl's bf isn't as good luking as wat they expected her to get.. (the girl's not there today) n another girl beside me whispered to me "it's ironic they're talking about the other girls' boyfren not being gd luking, cos u just luk at their own bfs.." n im like. :X haha.. well, maybe not having a bf in this case might be a gd thing..

Well, but of course everyone was blissfully in love. So I guess that's good enough for anything :)

Ah well, YAY! I'm going away, so away from these problems at least for a while. haha. Yes, that's so escapist! I guess when u're in a foreign country, u'll have more stuffs to think about than just romance. ahha. I think I've been too comfortable in this place, so my mind tends to wonder.. and thus the eccentricity. haha.

Mel's been trying to convince me that I'm not straight.. n im like.. nice try mel, i really don't think I am crooked. haha. I mean for the past 21 years, if i have not developed any romantic interest towards my own sex, i doubt that i will do so in the next 21 years or so..

Went sleep over at Ann's yesterday night.. Her mom missed me, haha so I gaf her a hug when I got there.. it's been a while since I last had sleep over.. haha.. Alright! im going to the christmas concert w her!! n im going Bob's for dinner the nxt day! Bob's gonna cook mediterranean food.. yummmyyy!! Ann n I watched High Sch Musical II.. lol. IT's so bollywood.. just like Enchanted. haha.. and it's so.. primary school to lower secondary school-ish! haha.. no wonder my sis loves it.

Morning we went breakfast w ann's mom n ann.. for the famous lor mee at clementi! boy we waited quite a while.. but it's pretty fast for a well-known stall I suppose.. But my breath stink of garlic.. the rest of the day. LOL!!! yucky. haha..

Mike and Chun Kiak and Mel and !#$!%@# kept saying that I'm half a man.. i don't know if that's a compliment or an insult. haha..

Just a thought today. Is the concept of "equalisation of opportunities" in the sense of female equality and equality for the disabled synonym with "positive discrimination"?? and isn't positive discrimination an oxymoron? How do we evaluate and justify and legitimate these?? *shrug*

Sometimes I think, we laways have a checklist of all that we look for in a partner, but so what if someone fits the bill? Does that make us happier? *shrug* Maybe not having a list would be better at times.. cos then perhaps there'll b lesser expectations.. Then again, who's to say for sure about the absence of expectations just because of the absence of a properly thought-out list?

BAH! i shall rot.

Israel Palestine issue

2007-12-01T10:55:00.001+08:00

Watched these few clips on youtube the other day.. and I think that it is really a very sad issue.. and I feel so sad and angry for the palestanians.. all the peasants suffer in the end, for other people's ideology and declaration of 'freedom and justice'. War and violence can never be the means to an end.. two wrongs don't make one right..

Meteor Garden

2007-11-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

I'm watching Meteor Garden I now.. LOL!! Yes, again I'm way behind time by 6 yrs or so.. haha..

Li said it makes her cry cos of the past..
I said it makes me smile cos of the past.. haha..

The past is always beautiful.. because I tend to romanticise it, thinking about the same memory over and over again.. adding little magic here and there.. over the years it evolves from something ordinary into something magical..

watched Stardust and Enchanted these days.. interesting how all the fairytale fantasies are coming out in the recent years.. and just like a decade ago it was all the futuristic movies..

Maybe people are getting more jaded by life and reality.. so they turn to their childhood innocent dreams.. Both movies are really sweet.. it makes u really really happy and believe in what you thought was lost!! it's just like how Kate and Leopold's the all-time favourite sleep over movies.. haha (at least it's mine) haha..

Golden Compass's coming up!! haha.. well, just indulge in happiness while u can!! =]

I watched with Jamie 2 days in Paris by Julie Delpy..
it just brings u back to the reality of love. Nothing magical, nothing all perfect, nothing about everything working out exactly the way you want it. Just 2 people in love with each other, willing to give love a shot, not giving up regardless of the differences. Together in spite of the anger, misunderstandings, frustrations, disappointments, differences. Just because they're in love.

and the ending is still, sweet. You thought that they'll just split up because of all the frustrations and anger and pride. And they say that love is not proud.. and it isn't. cos in the end things worked out for them cos they really luv each other..

A friend talked about someone in the past who liked her for so long, and did lots of sweet things for her.. but she didn't like him in that way.. and i guess she finds it a pity that she culdn't be with him.. cos he wulda been a sweet boyfriend and truly cares for her.. I guess we'll never know now. Maybe it's not too late?? :)

The death of 5 dragonboaters occured last week.. Came back on wed after exam and talked to mom about it.. I told her that the moment I read about it.. I thought abt how sad their parents wulda been.. cos I know that whenever there's a youth suicide/death incident, my mom'll always lament abt how distraught the parents wuld be.. and my mom said yes she's really quite sad for the parents.. She showed me those articles (yes with help fr my sis bringing the newspapers in) and we discussed abt how fragile life is.. and I know that all this while, my mom's really worried abt me going to belgium n something happening to me..

That's why these few days I've been staying at home, spending more time with my mom and dad.. went French alliance that day, and talking to the ticket auntie who just recovered from an operation. She's really sweet, she even has her own garden around french alliance, she goes to the botanical garden to learn about gardening, and she offered to give me one of the small plants she had.. :) I told her my mom luvs plants too!! so I brought one back and my mom's elated! :) My mom thinks that it's really interesting to grow flowers, trying to revive the dead flowers bit by bit and all.. I told her that she can go botanical garden for lessons! though they'll be in english.. hmm..

I hope that I can earn enough money next time to buy my mom a garden to grow her plants.. and i can earn enough money or my dad to go travelling and find his friends whenever he feels that life's being unfair to him.. and I surely hope that I can earn enough to support my sis thru a gd high sch n uni n possibly further degree.. of course if onli i can get enuff for masters too.. wow. gotta be careful tt im not enslaved by money..

Right now, haha life is beautiful. Grandpa is coming over on the 10th!! :D

Was reading couz's blog on wai gong (mom's dad) who passed away 2 yrs ago.. n I thought of my granny who passed away earlier this month.. She talked about how he cared so much about her, caling her "my dearest dan" and he's always the gentle and loving person who listens and shower her with all the love and warmth while she's growing up..

It's such a helpless feeling to have ur loved ones leaving u one by one.. my greatest fear is my parents leaving me... but death is the only certainty.. and we can't stop time. :(

Ah well..

Met up with mel for dinner yesterday. ahhaha.. talked to her from 7 to 12!! GOSH! ahhaha.. i've not talked much during the exam week n all.. so it's such a relief!!! haha..

Been busy w Visa applications.. lots of complications.. argh!

Blonde mugger

2007-11-27T17:43:00.001+08:00

Been studying really hard this week.. i've never studied this hard in my whole life! Gosh! I sleep only like 6 hours a day!! (yes that's VERY little for my standard.. ahha..)

Anyway, I feel really blonde these days too.. ironically. I thought i'm supposed to feel wiser.. haha..

here's why.

Round 1

Was talking to a friend about some professor.. n that prof teaches "Meteorology"
No prizes for guessing what's that for! but I thought.. it's the study of.. meteors.
Me: "WOW!! must have been REALLY interesting studying meteors and all! Reminds me of the astronomy module I took last sem!!"
Friend:.....
Me:???
Friend: "Pan, u noe what meteorology is for or not?"
Me: "Uh.. isn't it.. study meteor??"
Friend: "It's the study of weather"
Me: "REALLY!?!? WHY IS IT CALLED METEOROLOGY!?!? I AM SO EMBARRASSED NOW!!"
Friend: "YES! U SHULD!! U R SO BLONDE!!!"

Round 2

Friend talking to some guy on the bus.
Guy left, friend turned to me.
Friend: "That's the science king u know?"
Me: "Oh really?! Wow, so he's very good in studies and top the CAP for science faculty?!"
Friend: "Uh, not really, it's more of a popularity thing.."
Me: "Ohh... OH! U MEAN the PAGEANT KING?!!?"
Friend: "lol.. ya.. haha. ti's ok.. it's exam period i understand.."

yes. time to study

VISA to Belgium..

2007-11-11T10:25:00.000+08:00

While luking thru the VISA application for Belgium, I came across this section.. and I was musing over it... lol

A certificate of good conduct (or the local equivalent of this document) if you are over 21 (or 18 if you are going to study at a private educational establishment) dating from no more than six months prior to the date of application and covering the previous five years.

What i'm musing over, is not the apparent meaning of this section. Rather, if you were to split this sentence up with a different interpretation, it's hilarious.. hhaa

Alternative view: a certificate of good conduct means that--in the case that you are over 21 or 18blablabla.. you have to prove that you are dating for less than six months prior to the date of application.. and over the previous five years.. HAHAHAAH.. well, then I am rightfully eligible for that for sure!!! hahaha.. dating.. gosh. hahhaaha..

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts

2007-11-02T15:29:00.000+08:00

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts,
With thanks and love from mine. Deep thanks to all
Who paused a little near the prison-wall
To hear my music in its louder parts
Ere they went onward, each one to the mart's
Or temple's occupation, beyond call.
But thou, who, in my voice's sink and fall
When the sob took it, thy divinest Art's
Own instrument didst drop down at thy foot
To harken what I said between my tears, . . .
Instruct me how to thank thee! Oh, to shoot
My soul's full meaning into future years,
That they should lend it utterance, and salute
Love that endures, from life that disappears!

Jeff Koons

2007-11-02T15:21:00.000+08:00

These are some of the realli cute works by Jeff Koons.. a Neo-Pop artist. SO CUTE!! haha

i think this is sooo.. hahah cute.. sorry for the lack of vocab!

the "flower" artwork is so adorable n nice.. sweet too!!
i think this work is truly romantically fairytale like.. :) beautiful!

haha i luv this rabbit!!

I LOVE JEFF KOONS!!! luk at all the CUTE ARTWORKS HE DOES!! haha.. the artwork below is entitled "Puppy" WAT A CUTE NAME TOO RIGHT?!?! hahah n Puppy has been travelled to quite a lot of places n all.. :) so cute!

PUPPY!!! haha.. my fav!! haha

balance

2007-11-01T18:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Pun,Here is your single's love horoscopefor Friday, November 2:Take some time today to explore your individuality and your connection with others. Do you have a tendency to lose yourself in relationships? If so, work on finding the balance.

hmmm... balance.. any idea?

En's supper..

2007-11-01T10:51:00.000+08:00

I had a SPLENDIDFULWONDERFULMARVELLICIOUS supper with En yesterday!! hahaa.. we toked for 4 HRS! Gosh! hahaa Love toking to her!! we discussed qutie a couple of issues regarding ASEAN, esp Thailand. She's totally in luv w the Thai culture, n it sounds very fascinating in deed! We were toking about homosexuality and how in thailand there's this type of relationship called the Tom-lee or something. apparently thais see lesbianism as a very western concept, n tt it's disgusting. whereas Tom is seen as someone who has the soul of a man but a body of a woman. and the Toms are the ones who actually takes up a lot of responsibilities that were not fulfilled by the men. so they were seen as more man than the real man..

Then we went on to discuss about how western ideologies always tend to exotify asians in their course of studies and thus, even though they do sincerely try to understand asian cultures and all, they can never realli get the essence n the X factor that exists in the asian culture and the various nuances of the intricacies n complicated relationships that links everything together. So when everyone looks at the westerner's discourses on asian cultures n sociology stuffs, they tend to mystify things or just simplify certain influenced to religious(i.e. buddhist in thailand) or certain rather stereotypical reasons.. And that not only impedes in the understanding of a wholistic relationship among people, relationships, cultures n identities, it becomes possibily misleading.

Also, when having lunch with Jack n weibao one day, we were saying that westerners tend to categorise everything, they have this innate desire to name things and come up with terminologies to every single phenomenon they can think of, and that inevitably becomes rather restrictive because you set up so mani parameters and draw so mani lines with the definition. And this is probably the greatest weakness of western ideologies, that all of their philosophies and all in the past has been bent on finding THE TRUTH, or defining what is true. And it's became so overwhelmingly artificial and impossibly attainable over the years that there's post modernism that investigates into such impossibility. so these days they're sort of turning to asian philosophies to possibly draw inspiration for their "truth" which is, stil a little strange I feel, cos maybe the whole point is not about "truths". sometimes maybe it's really hard to pinpoint what is the ONE truth or ONE reason that influences somethings, and maybe there are just many layers of so-called-defined-by-west 'truths', that it's really not logical to term all the things are a cause-n-result monolithic kinda thing.. *shrug*

And we talked about other things.. ahah and she said sth really true, which in my folliness overlooked.. ahha she said as much as i haf the qualities that guys wuld want (cos i cant b tt totally lousy to haf no merits haha), i oso haf a lot of qualities that guys DUN! haha.. n so nxt session of conference w char we'll b talking about this topic. possibly. hahhah

Amusement

2007-10-29T23:37:00.001+08:00

Haha, I saw this on my tagboard today..

29 Oct 07, 18:39andrew: u r surprised that u get all these heartbreaks? i am not. girls should not jump on guys and be almost aggressive in trying to get them

29 Oct 07, 18:37andrew: i get this feeling that you consider urself to be really amazing and great and you tend to look down at people. gee, relax..

clearly, another of those generalisations.. how can someone possibly pass a remark so lightly.. when he has merely been reading my blog for merely 6 minutes 36 seconds.. with such different context from me.. and assuming the worst of everything i've said.. how sanctimonious.

heartbreaks.. why the plural form. haha.. apparently the heart cant possibly break when it's stopped beating can it.. u can onli break ur heart once. and looking down at pple.. *grIn*such a guy thing to say.. it'll b more apt to say that i look down more on guys than girls.. girls don't assume that much i guess. hmm.. jump on guys.. ahha i guess charmaine and my sole purpose in life is being exposed so blatantly by this insightful stranger.. :) yea.. attrACK! lol.

'tis true, u can laugh at anything, but not with everyone. u can tok abt anything, but not with anyone.. cos of the different context, pple just interpret things differently. n i seriously think that virtual ways of communication is the worst basis for any sort of judgement cos it can never fully convey the essence, the tone, n the expression that one is expressing. n yes, i think sms and instant messages always create a lot of unnecessary troubles and misunderstandings.. and they say that tehcnology facilitates communication.. hmm.. then again, josh n caro went on great thanks to webcam.. *shrug*

actually i was super offended when i first read that message by the "andrew", but after thinking it through n reading my own posts.. i kinda understand where he's coming from. n i kinda think that yea i shuldnt haf always blog when im angry.. haha.. but i think that somehow, the world is just so double standard.. cos i seriously dun believe that anyone can have so much humility that he/she does not think that he/she is better than anyone and he/she does not detest anyone. i mean i usually think im better than the one i detest (that's the middle class way of thinking.. haha just like centuries ago, or mayb even now, the upper class isn't the one that's preoccupied with morality, it's the middle class, the aspiring class, that has this sense of inferiority complex perhaps, and morality becomes like a shield for them, to show themselves tt they're better than the upper class in the name of morality). if not i wuldnt detest him/her wad right.. it just reminds mi of this realli stupid quote.. "one must always believe in luck, or else how else wuld u explain the success of those u dun like?" hahaa.. :P

anyway i think that it's rubbish for me to get angry over the message.. but YES I AM A LITTLE ANGRY! ahha.. but not like towards "andrew" per se. (oh wow, now i feel like im creating this fictional character and this idea of an 'andrew' to depict certain character) haha. anyway, the point being, i think i'll b super super sad if it's ms lim who saes that, cos i think she's quite an insightful n perceptive person whom i respect, but since she luvs me, im fine. sometimes i think, there is realy no absolute right and wrong in this world.. it's all realli subjective views.. so what makes one think that his/her p.o.v. is more superior than another one's?? isn't that kinda.. cocky too?*shrug* at least i admit that im undesirably arrogant towards those who got on my nerves, and being young, i still need yrs of training to tone myself down. nobody says that you cant make mistakes in life right.. n tts where u learn wad. i dun aim to b perfect, cos i think there's this dilemma. u can nv attain perfection, cos if u do attain it, n u noe tt u r perfect, that inevitably leads to u noeing tt u r better than the rest of the world, n thus according to the 'andrew' logic, tt means tt u luk down on others. hmm.. so u cant b perfect in that way too. uhh.. sometimes i think all things run in circles.. like u noe in card games how 2 triumph over ACe.. and ace triumphs over the rest.. n 3 triumphes over 2.. etc etc. so if all things run in circles, where do we start? where do we end?? hmm...

sometimes I think that westerners tend to b less tolerant than asians.. maybe it sounds like a generalisation.. but from wat i can see.. it's ironic that people are waging war in the name of liberty and humanity, when the people themselves probably do not feel as strong.. reminds me of the Bloomsbury Group that preaches tolerance and acceptance of differences, and at the same time attacking harshly other people's "intolerance" or "superficiality".. the world's just so double standard..

sometimes i kinda wonder if democracy (in the fundamentalist form of democracy that certain people are preaching and enforcing) is not yet another form of dictatorship. except better packaged n marketed like what communism was... *shrug* cant change wat pple think, dun intend to... i realli prefer asian guys cos they're more open minded (ironic as it sounds).. at least they dun go around telling pple that "you are wrong and im right, so listen to me" that kinda stuffs.. they accept that things are more subjective. someone said that i cant call myself an orientalist cos thats for someone outside of the oriental culture/group to say.. it's just like we calling the ang mohs "foreigners".. n except ethnocentrism.. i cant think of anything that describes this kind of sentiment.. i mean granted tt ang moh's are realli innovative, assertive, confident n all.. but i think everything's got this yin-yang element (yes another of the chinese way of thinking), your forte can be ur weakness too.. there's always 2 sides to a coin.. n if we're not careful.. we tend to interprete presumably according to the particular context that we are in..haha i thought of a good example! haha..

if I were to put the caption:

"hmm... so goodddd!"

hmm.. so goodddd!

I kinda think that same caption.. people can interprete what i mean by hmm.. yummmmyyy.. totally differently.. haha.. words. schlegel's right.. words fail to communicate cos tis' so subjective..

:)

ok im hungry. time to sleep.

Experiential or Experimental Learning

2007-10-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

What's so bad about feeling sad?

Why do people try so hard to feel happy if ti's not in their capacity to? Sadness isn't THAT bad occassionally. Instead of trying desperately to be happy, just be sad. haha. and u'll appreciate happiness more and in turn become happier.. haha

Seriously im really fed up with the whole experiential learning which is sounding really like a cult to me. no offense to my friend, i think this course does not bring you any closer to yourself than where you started, it just brought u to THINK that you are. which, i think, is worse than before. at least in the past, you know that you don't know.. now, you are equally lost, and you actually thought that you are closer, and you encourage others to be as lost as you are?!

okae i usu dun mind pple doing stuffs that get them all lost and all in themselves n all.. cos R-E-S-P-E-C-T.. but when people dun RESPECT ME! I get really pissed... who are u to say that my way of knowing myself is WRONG and that i'd never get the right way, find THE TRUTH if i dont do your way? (now now, doesn't that sound familiar? perhaps quite a lot of religion also claims to have the key to THE TRUTH and that they are the only way to THE TRUTH) so it's true that this whole experiential learning thing is marketing themselves as truly secular and scientifically based, when it's employing the same psychological manipulative tactics as religion.
okae i sound reali atheist here, i m NOT! im not atheist cos i believe in a God, and I'm NOT Agnostic because I KNOW that there is a God. OKAE disclaimer, my understanding is that u r being agnostic when u are unsure that a God exists OR NOT. Atheist is you are SURE that God does NOT Exist. tok to Markus abt it and clarified mi understanding.. I think i've always been mistaking agnostic as you knwo there's a god but u duno what form does the god take n all.. yea anyway. if i believe in a god, but i duno which one.. i think im just considered a Theist.

i just don't like to b forced into something.. this is Panlogic.

Interesting things to note..

2007-10-28T09:35:00.001+08:00

Interesting..

That people seem to be able to choose an apt time to pass into the other world.. apt for the rest of the world, apt for their loved ones who are left behind..

That we seem to imagine the emotional pain inflicted by the passing of our loved ones countless times in our mind, never getting remotely close to the actuality of it..

That people tend to spend their entire life chasing after goals, when the attainment of those exists only in a split of a second and the chasing process took up the rest of the time..

That love is no longer treasured by people as an eternity, but an emotional convenience...

That I am still single.

LOL!

Disclaimer: the last line comes from the event that Char n I were just doing our usual small talks one night, and for the past 2 yrs she's been saying that if she were a guy, she wuldn't luv me. And I spent the past 2 yrs agreeing with her on that while angstily and arrogantly believing in my attractiveness. Then, it came the day when we were evaluating what guys want! n it just dawn upon her that it's amazing that im still single.. so.. voila! haahahahhahaa :X finally i can sotp being arrogantly angsty about it, n just be arrogant abt it. hahahaha..

hypothesis testing..

2007-10-26T09:31:00.000+08:00

Was at char's two nights ago, discussing about how amazing it is tt till now my suitors have been non-existent. ahhaha.. n for the past 4 yrs charmaine's always maintained the stand that if she were a guy, she wuldnt like me. haha and it just dawn upon her that.. it's amazing that I dont haf suitors! hahaha.. cos we did the following hypothesis:

1. guys like happy girls. YES
2. guys like candid girls. YES
3. guys like interesting girls. YES
4. guys like girls who can laugh at themselves. YES
5. guys like independent girls who don't stick to them 24/7. YES

with all these fulfilled. it's really a miracle that nothing has happened to me yet. hahha..

anyway i think getting attached as oso a spur of the moment thing last sem n before. haha.. this sem.. at least now.. somehow i suddenly fel that.. life's just perfect the way it is.. I recalled my happiness n carefree self before I got into a relationship with jacob.. n i recalled telling jacob during our rough times that i'd wish that i culd go back to before knowing him, before i haf any form of heartbreak.. cos i was happy. n it seems to me that im closer to that original point now far more than ever.. :) i m afraid that if i ever get into a relationship.. all those heartbreaks n all will come back again.. :S ehhh.. not really inclined to experiencing them in the near future though..

yea.. tts about it.

im not sad!

2007-10-20T23:32:00.000+08:00

aiyo i think everyone thinks that im upset over what happened in the last post. but actually im not at all sad. hahaha.. just too busy to update my blog laa.. haha today went ktv with ann ch n hy. not bad! hahaha i was quite sick.. but i still had lotsa fun!! :D n i was teling ann. i think im reali happi the wae i am leii.. like single n juz.. jumping fr gatherings to gatherings, projects meetings to meetings etc. quite fulfilling n fun actually..

But at night im toking to char. i told her im just a coward who doesn't dare to try cos im scared that it's too different for me and it might not be good for me after all. but if i nv try i'll nv know wat im capable of achieving right.. aiyar i think if it comes i shuldnt retaliate too much.. cos the problem now is i think i kinda cross out a lot of possibilities.. though i keep saying i wan. aiyar.. miss lim's right la. i shuldnt' judge too much.

I must have been blind

2007-10-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

I must have been blind, or drugged, or both. likely to b both. a while back i had this secret crush who's totally a pain. seriously, im NOT going to stay crushed in someone i barely know! hello? crush? get it?

Anyway, let me just present MY side of the story.

Disclaimer: All things in the world remained SUBJECTIVE. so this has a tendency to b a highly biased account of facts (oxymoron) but those who know me, u know that i'm accounting truthfully to the best of my knowledge.

Okae I told him i have a crush on him. (note: present tense in the letter). so yes, i don't blame him for thinking that i still (note: past tense) had a crush on him for a while. BUT! Even in legal we probably have to judge a REASONABLE time for such speculations. Maybe things are different in his country, but in Singapore, we are pretty fast-paced, and things go out of fashion fast too. so it would be REASONABLE (I suppose) that if someone do NOT actively contact u for 2 weeks or more, she's HIGHLY unlikely to be even trying to have anything MUCH to do with you except activities buddy. So my conclusion: Anyone with a more, perceptive and logical mind, not clouded by things like self-righteousness and unjustified and unfounded male ego, would notice that.

Anyway, while studying for midterms in library. I ran into him on my way out. so after my class, i went back to library to resume my study. thought i'll b nice to have a study buddy so i texted him TWICE to ask if he's in the library so we can study together. NO response (note, this is the first time.. i assume it's cos he's busy. benefit of doubt 1) Winson, a common friend, came to study with me. and Winson texted him to ask his whereabouts and within no time, he got an sms saying that yea he's in the library studying. (okae granted, he's bz n wanna be alone studying. benefit of doubt 2).

Then, facebooked to inform him of the time for the art exhibitions. no reply. (granted, mayb he thought it's not necessary. benefit of doubt 3) 2 days before the exhibition ran into him n asked if he's going, he said yea he's going. oh great, that's really a diplomatic reply. =] (recall: at a gathering, he mentioned this other ger asking him to go to some training, n he kept saying ok alright! i'l go! but he never actualises his 'promise' (heaven forbids that i use that word for such an action) n he was proudly (in my own view) saying that he was doing it out of certain diplomacy (as he so aptly put it. after all, one can only expect such from someone who majors in diplomacy)

Today, at the bus stop, i gave two calls, with no answer. and Ceci texted him, n got a reply like *snap of the finger*. SOOOOOOOO

then I text him something like this.. I am very offended that you avoided me on all occasions like a plague. i m remotely close to still having a crush on u. i think our friendship is worth more than that. u culda been more striaght forward and less diplomatic. but i guess this is it.

n guess wat's his reply.. 'i was jogging, n i dont know how you jog but i dont carry my phone around when i do so. im currrently at the gym and i dont have time to be answering every phone call.. im too old for grade school drama so please cut it out.. are u offended cos i didnt go to ur art thing? then yell at winson and lennon too cos i asked htem n they siad they're wulnt go either so wat wuld i do there? wat a complete Shitshow'

wow.. wow.. wow.. sometimes u kinda wonder what do they teach in their schools on diplomacy.. maybe this is the key to our understanding of america's foreign diplomacy policy.. ahh.. that's really insightful. =]

for the record. Winson and Lennon both informed me that they arent' able to make it.. hey come on.. give the two boys some credit for their courage to speak the unspeakable! for facing up to the wrath of Pandora. it's only NATURAL that mortal souls avoid the unspeakable, must have been someone with the courage of a beast to confront me.

also, what jogging. okae fine, jogging. last time I heard Melissa mentioning going jogging w him.. within a few minutes he's like.. "hey guys. can we just walk" :) yea. jogging. how inspiring. well, at least people are trying to better themselves, physically.

One interesting thing to note is, it seems as if the word WRONG never exists in certain people's dictionary. I mean I know that it's really harsh and possibly petty for me to send what I sent. but what he sent back, on the basis of what I recounted above, was just so.. speechless. I don't know what word is there to describe it. i mean is there even a word created for that? or is that possibly the first sighting?

Suddenly, I miss Zbyszek.

Personally, I still prefer Asians. Europeans have a lot of humility too. Maybe i don't have enough exposure to americans, maybe it's too generalised.. but I think sometimes, certain cultural environment just seem so.. overriding..

AMAZINGLY TALENTED!!

2007-10-07T22:27:00.001+08:00

NS Song

2007-10-07T22:20:00.001+08:00

Britney One more time

2007-10-07T19:39:00.000+08:00

This is SOOOOO FUNNY!!

Let go

2007-09-28T11:09:00.001+08:00

I went out with Cheryl and Kalyn yesterday for catching up! YES! Girls get together is really good!! haha..

Talked a lot on stuffs.. matters of the heart.. we're really worried cos we are not remotely close to getting attached! And Cheryl's fortune telling in China said she wuld prob get married this year!! *gasp* hahhhaa

Anyway, we need someone to start the ball roling in a grp cos it's usu tt one person gets attached n the rest will.. But the problem is, we don't belong to any distinct groups at all. We just have random friends here n there, so no matter who starts the ball rolling, nothing will be changed in our lives!!! hahah

I have decided that I should NOT try to chase guys, cos in the end.
1. they wun realise that im actually dropping VERY MAJOR HINTS ANYWAY!
2. they wun treasure the girl as much if they are being chased
3. if they realli like mi they shuld do the chasing, not mi!

So in conclusion, I am going to shun qi zi ran more.. *I'll try*

lousy blog

2007-09-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

I realise i shuldnt blog somethings on blog!! COS U NV KNOW WHO IS READING THEM!! AH!! hongyi asked mi abt my secret crush. so i HAD to tel him!!! hahahah.. but aiyar i think aft a week i v sian alreadi. haa. cos i think crush will come n go if they dun have ani further development.. so yes, I have decided, that I am NOT continuing crushing on my present secret crush.

Aiyar.. wat a sadness!!!

I think really like naifen says. I create my own crushes n infatuations.. like i make myself believe that im in luv when maybe im juz in luv w the idea of it.. BRRR.. things u do when ure bored..

I was toking to hongyi n i said.. I V GEK EVERYTIME I LIKE SOME GUY HE NV GETS IT!!! N HE SO DENSE N THINKS TT THEY ARE JUST FRIENDLY GESTURES FRM MI!!!! ITS TRUEEEEEEE ARGHH!! QI SI LE.

okae i shall stop.

Asian hotties

2007-09-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

En said "once u go asian, u cant go back" haah.. doesn't rhyme as well as "once u go black, u cant go back" ehh.. hahaha

she thinks i luk like african american except the fair version. haha. cos of my THICK lips. (as evident in this above pic) hahaha.. so either way whether u go asian or black, once u go pan, u cant go back. LOL!!! :X

i wish.

i think im so obsessive abt stuffs are certain pts in time tt it's so.. inconsistent!! arghhh honestly speaking, if nothing happens in a mth or so, i have a feeling this whole saga of madness will just subside.. *vexed* how fickle..

Crush

2007-09-25T19:13:00.000+08:00

I've got a secret crush!!! haha it's not THAT secret! i think everyone who knows me will know if they talk to me about it. ahha.. But I think nothing's gona come out of it.. cos I always have bad luck with crushes. but it's alright. IT's great to wake up every morning, and there's someone you look forward to seeing ro hearing from! Life becomes so much more engaging and alive!

Chinese ness

2007-09-23T15:18:00.000+08:00

I think this is very chinese.. ahha. as in seems more relevant to chinese guys and girls than anything else.. ahah.. related to the previous videos on NICE guys.. haha

Wong Fu Productions

2007-09-23T14:10:00.000+08:00

It's NOT TRUE!! haha.. NICE GUYS ARE GREAT TO DATE I THINK!! n wussupw the ladder theory again.. haha WE DUN LIKE JERKS!! haha.. aiyo.. what a waste at the end!!! i hope she still likes him!! haha.. it's only that jerks seem to b more confident, cos of that it's attractive, and tts y girls liek them, not cos they're JERKS!! hahah

SEE!! nobody likes a JERK!SINCERITY COUNTS!! *ouch* my heart broke when he was so sad over the girl cos he thought that she likes another guy! what a sweet guy!! oh gosh. the part abt "if u treat her the same as everyone else, how is she able to noe tt she's special to u" haha.. tt makes me a nice girl.. and NOBODY likes nice girls I THINK! haha. alright. great. tables turned. hahahaa.. suddenly it's not about nice guys not getting the girls they like anymore, it's about nice girls not getting the guys they like too!! hahaha.. okae it's all about expressing ur feelings. but guys do admit as a fact tt they dun like girls who explicitly tell them that! cos guys liek challenges?! *shrug* and, i think girls will eventually like a guy if they're sincere enough and.. all?? *shrug*

OMG!! I LOVE THIS VIDEO!! it's SOOOO SWEEETTT!! it's SO SOAP OPERA BUT IT'S SOOO SWEEETT!!! haahahaha

Could i have this dance

2007-09-23T13:34:00.000+08:00

I really like "Could I have this dance".. ahha.. I like the ally mcbeal vonda shepard version.. :) but i culdnt find it on you tube.. haha.. :( but I guess other versions are all rather interesting. there're cheesy dances w the song.. hahaha but it's reali sweet! juz too cheesy. ahha..

Mid Autumn and Love

2007-09-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

Mid autumn festival's coming!
Found some interesting quotes on moon..
Romantic ones:
The moon develops the imagination, as chemicals develop photographic images. - Sheila Ballantyne
(I like the analogy. the romance arises form the imagery and not from the language)
Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown
(I find that the syntax here sounds more poetic and romantic, so do the dictions. haha)
Unromantic ones:
The moon is nothing but a circumambulating aphrodisiac divinely subsidized to provoke the world into a rising birth-rate. - Christopher Fry
(haha this is hilarious!)
The moon is essentially gray, no colour. It looks like Plaster of Paris, like dirty beach sand with lots of footprints in it. - James A. Lovell
(what a grey image he's painted of the moon.. literally)
Was drunk from wed night till sat morning. Here are the fotos!

Nabeel, Qingru and me!

Qingru and I

Melissa, Jairo (pronounced as GIRO), and ME!

Okae let me introduce you my new buddies! Ceci, is the lady at the background, and melissa and I are in the foreground, and Jairo barely squeezed into the pic :) he's got such a strategically shaped face i'd think. haha fits into the gap in between mel and I. Euuu.. I just realised, that the red chop on our hands make us look like pics due to be sold in the market.. or due to be slaughtered.. hahahha

And I realised, the look in my eyes are the SAME! (that means I was so tipsy that my soul is not active at the point of those pics) I think you can see my soul in normal fotos when I am completely sober.. such as THIS:

hahah.. YES THERE IS SOME FORM OF SPIRIT AND SOUL! I INSIST! haha..

Anyway, Jairo was HILARIOUS!! cos I gave my number to some random guy (sorry, as I declared earlier, my soul was not with me when I did that.. haha..) and he messaged to ask if im free to have lunch, n im like whos' that? n he called to ask if i recall him.. I din realli.. (okae now i think i have a vague idea.. anyway it's not impt) and I was like uhh.. hwo's this?!?! n i handed the phone to Jairo.. and HE WAS SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!! he was like telling htat guy.. "HEY! I TELL YA! SHE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND OKAE?! SO DUN U BOTHER HER EVER OKAE? OR ELSE HE'S GONA F*** U UPSIDE DOWN AND F*** U INSIDE OUT AND ALL OVER AND U R GONA B SO F*** UP B@#T@@#!$@!%R@#$%" hahahahh.. seriously. that was CLASSIC. all 6 of us girls were laughing our heads off when we saw him saying that!! HAHAAHHAAH that was soooooo crazy!! JAIRO ROCKS!!! hahaha..

Oh yea, I was bored so I searched on my horoscope romance.. and I would like to annotate certain aspects of these..

Dating a Taurus (April 20 - May 20)Taurus likes tradition, so anything involving flowers, chocolate (okaee.. this is so stereotyped!! ahha.. why must CHOCOLATES be the romantic symbol in aLL cultures?!?! it's so.. westernised.. it's overrated.. i think it's just an idea.. just like diamonds.. apparently in japanese culture, diamond was never anything romantic until tiffany started this advertising campaign or sth.. creating the want for diamonds as a romance symbol etc! BRR!! okae fine, chocolates are fine. haha.. just the thought will do.. haha.. i mean i wun complain! but just that im being cynnical at this pt. haha), and poetry is sure to appeal to their sensual senses. Of course, Bulls are not willing to settle for chintzy tokens. Quality is everything to this sign (of course, isn't that the same for all signs? who wants LOUSY quality stuffs??). That means roses instead of carnations (haah YEAPS! but im sure not all tauruses luv rose as much as I do.. does tt mean im more taurus? or does tt mean tt it's a lousy suggestion? haha), Godiva rather than Russell Stover (wats russell stover?) and Shakespeare most definitely in lieu of Hallmark (if i may suggest, Elizabeth Browning's How do I love thee triumphs them all, cos of her context).If youd like to add spice to a well-seasoned relationship, take your favorite Bull out to a comedy club (haha oh yea!). Laughter always puts this sign in the mood for love (Josh says the french has this saying sth along the line of.. if you can make a girl laugh, u're halfway on her bed. haha and I've told char that i fall for guys who make me laugh). Of course, you'll want to follow up with dinner at the finest restaurant in town. Choose a place with tablecloths, candlelight and soft music. (haha I'd like that, ambience is the top priority! but it'll be good to set it up urself tooo!!! I mean it'll be fun!)

How to Seduce a Taurus (April 20 - May 20)Slow and steady wins the race with Taurus. These folks want to savor the courtship phase of a relationship. Be sure to show up on the first date with a bouquet of flowers or some other beautiful token of your appreciation. Bulls love presents. A subtle splash of cologne will work like a love magnet on Taurus, as this sign is extremely responsive to sensual stimuli. If you've got an earthy sense of humor (uh.. what does tt mean?! ahah.. u mean there's airly sense of humour? and worse, WATERLY sense of humor?!?! O_o), don't hide it. Nothing gets Taurus in the mood like a spicy joke. If you're a Taurus, you like to seduce people with soft words, encouraging caresses and generous gestures. Your knack for gift-giving is unparalleled (haha yea, tts y im always broke). Having a velvet voice doesn't hurt your chances, either (ti's interesting how I notice alot of taurus have velvet voice.. like.. low voice.. and it seems like more and more pple luv mi voice nowadays. ahha tts good i suppose). Head-for-Bed Line: (Pointing to Bull's tush) "Excuse me, is that seat taken?"

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)As a Bull, you probably have a few favorite places that you like to frequent. The best way to find love in your preferred hangout is to show off your Taurus style. Use your velvet voice to chat up the cashier at the plant store. Enlist the aid of a cute salesperson while sampling colognes at the department store. Offer to share your dessert with a sexy diner at your favorite restaurant. Compliment a vendor's apples on your next trip to the farmer's market. The longer a Taurus keeps somebody talking, the more heavily they'll fall under your spell. Best Pick-Up Line:"I'll cook you dinner if you'll cook me breakfast."

VELVET VOICE AGAIN! WOoo. look at that alliteration! lol. VVVVVavavoommm!!! lol haha yea i think that pick-up line looks gd. haha.. uhh.. but some suggestions sound cheesy. i luv the part on the more heavily they fall under ur spell the more u keep someone talking. haha tt means i can hold conversations!! WOO! haha.. it's like the question of what do u prefer: gd sex or gd conversation? (okae i think it kinda applies to ladies more? cos guys just think w the other head usually) haha.. No wonder I attract women sometimes!

THis is interesting... n i think reali true!!

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)Bulls are known for steadfastness: They will stick by you through thick and thin. Unless really pushed, a Taurus rarely initiates a breakup, preferring a comfortable rut to the chaos of change. Anticipate resistance. Discuss things with the Bull ahead of time, so it becomes more of a mutual decision. You'll encounter less resistance if you're in agreement about what's not working.If you're a Taurus: It's hard for you to let go. In fact, your friends may insist you end a relationship for your own good. Follow through, because you deserve to be truly happy.

What's Sexy About Taurus Women
Make the Most of Your Natural Sex Appeal
Taurus women are the ultimate Earth mothers. Ruled by sensual Venus, you're in touch with your instinctive bodily charms. Like Bulls Kirsten Dunst and Cate Blanchett, your sexiness comes from a delightful combo of strength and vulnerability. You know what you want -- which men find attractive -- but you're not overly aggressive about going after it. Your sensuous touch and caring heart are second only to your most compelling quality -- your sultry voice. You know the power of a gentle word at the right moment.There's a bit of the down-home gal in you. You're confident about your creative talents, from making a home-cooked meal to cultivating prize-winning roses. Your self-assurance is a turn-on to men, as is your occasional stubbornness. You're at home in your body and really get into the physical act of lovemaking. When you take his hand with that knowing smile and lead him to the bedroom, he can't resist. And, sharing a plate of oysters or a decadent hot fudge sundae really gets you in the mood!

beach pickup

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)If they're wearing something sensual but not quite sexy, and if the confidence they're wrapped up in is what's most attractive, you've found your Taurus. You'll know that for certain when you catch their smug smile after they notice you noticing them. From that point on, the game has officially begun. It's up to you to make it interesting. There's no doubt they've heard every line in the book, with the possible exception of honesty. So if you're after a Taurus -- and who wouldn't be, especially once you realize they're just as enticing on the inside as they are on the outside -- level with them. Tell them you'd be a bit intimidated by their confidence if you weren't packing a good amount of your own.

I like the "Smug smile" bit.. lol.. n yes honesty is definite THE key word.. ahha.. if u've noticed and read up alot abt Taurus..

wedding pickup

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)They'll be dressed in lovely, earthy colors, and you'll notice their elegance first. Fortunately for you, they may be alone, too. Taurus folks aren't afraid to go anywhere or do anything by themselves. They'll be meandering around the room, chatting casually but probably making it obvious that they're not attached to anyone -- so they'll be more than receptive to your gracious approach. Remember that Venus, Goddess of Love and Beauty, is their ruling planet, and that you're being treated to time with one of her most graceful and charming representatives. Conduct yourself appropriately.

bookstore pickup

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)For starters, take a look at the 'New York Times' best seller display. Your Taurus appreciates quality in all categories, so they love great literature. And hardcover books just feel good to them. They're the TouchMeisters, true earth-creatures who absolutely love having their hands in their element so don't forget to peruse "Gardening." Wondering what to say when you approach them? Doesn't matter. Not as long as you're polite -- and sincere. They can spot a phony a mile away. (Appealing to their sweet-tooth with espresso and biscotti couldn't hurt.)

gym pickup

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)How to Recognize: The Bull is renowned for its well-muscled body. Therefore, you can usually find this sign lifting weights or climbing a rock wall. Taurus is utterly tasteful and likes to be well-covered at the gym -- you'll rarely find this sign sporting mini-shorts and a bare midriff. The ultimate sensualist, this sign usually carries their own fluffy towel.How to Seduce: Offer to spot them while they're pumping iron. Bulls tend to work up a big appetite while exercising, so an invitation to lunch or dinner is always welcome. This sign loves to laugh, so you can also try a self-deprecating joke like, "Usually, the only exercise I ever get is running after the Good Humor truck," or "I'm into heavy lifting, too. Every day, I carry my lunch to work."

hahaha.. that's true! i love to laugh and I love people who laugh with me! haha..
okae i shall read more. wOO! i love compliments fr horoscopes.. haha tts y I like to tell people.. I believe in horoscopes ! (just the good parts actually) haha.. i realise this is verging on narcissism.. which, is me anyway. but.. shant bore u peepz! the website if u r interested to find out abt ur horoscope.. is http://horoscopes.aol.com/

who killed love story

2007-09-21T10:43:00.000+08:00

From en's blog:

"an article from Time Magazine that really resonated with me.

it's not just familiarity that breeds contempt for love stories. It may be actually getting harder to get people to believe in them... because our expectations have changed. If you write a story about a soldier going AWOL and kidnapping a pregnant woman and finally shooting her in the head, it's called searingly realistic, even though it's never happened in the history of mankind. Whereas if you write about two people falling in love, which happens about a million times a day all over the world.. you're accused of writing something unrealistic and sentimental....

And it's not just happily-ever-after that has changed. the global nature of dating - the access to a limitless pool of mates just a click away - means that people feel they hardly need to overcome difficulties in relationships. If the whole getting together thing proves too hard, they can just move on. Juliet's a Caulet? bummer. Back to facebook.

Finding a soul mate is no longer a determined steeplechase over every obstacle. "

I guess we are really spoilt for choices. Maybe i'ts like santa claus, or tinklebell, as long as there's someone who really believe in them, they do exist! haha. I can't remember which philosopher/artist it was that mentioned something about someone was walking in a garden, and totally oblivious to the surrounding and his existence. Then he realises that someone is looking at him from a distance, and at that point when he realises that, he exists. So maybe it's sort of related, maybe existence is really quite subjective. Then again, i cant say for sure cos THE TRUTH is beyond me. (I think tt it sounds pretty agnostic to me though.. haha.. )

Drunk

2007-09-20T18:51:00.000+08:00

Which Sex and the City Character Are You?
You are part Carrie. You know what you want out of a relationship and you're not afraid to keep moving until you get it. Wit and charm are your biggest turn-ons, and you like guys who appreciate you for your mind as much as your body. You have fun playing the dating game, but secretly you just can't wait to find the guy who sweeps you off your feet and carries you into the sunset.

You are part Charlotte. Fairytales were made for you. You've had your share of heartbreak, but that doesn't stop you from opening your heart to others and searching for your happily-ever-after. To some, you may appear naive and your romantic ideals far-fetched, but you know that someday, your Prince will come.

hmm.. I really don't like to get drunk!! feels awful!! haha..
Yesterday night Ceci and I went to Jairo's room for drinks and chats.

The original plan on our side: Dress sloppily, drink 3 shots, go back and sleep.
The original plan on Jairo's side: Get high enough, go for Mash Parade.

What happened: I drank so much that I ceased to be logical! WAS SLURRING!! ahaha..
I kinda recall telling Jairo n Ceci abt Jacob. haha.. and I vaguely recall them telling me that I should really move on or sth.. hhaa.. I DO WANT TO!!! haha.. but I can't just move on to nobody! (yes same old problem) I'd love to date again! But there has to be a "double coincidence of wants". ;)

and yes, for the millionth time, i've been told that i think too much! :P

oh. I lost my ring :( I was so drunk that I think I dropped my ring into the toilet bowl or sth! hmm.. it's interesting cos i can see the mark of my ring on my finger.. and it's no longer there now.. like so surreal. haha.. maybe it's really time to let go. haha.. I HAVE actually. (not wanting to sound delusional).just tt it's not really materialised. ahaa.

The other day when I found out Jairo's virgo I was like U R MY PERFECT MATCH!! haha.. n he was STUNNED! hahaa.. It's so crazy!! hahaha. but it's quite funny on hindsight.. cos he seemed so taken aback by my non sequitur comment that's so unexpected and potentially embarrassing! hhaha..

*shrug* realy wanna blog abt some stuffs, might just do an entry when the mood takes me.. :)

Me

2007-09-20T18:33:00.001+08:00

Yes. Narcissistic Exhibitionist. that's me. :) haha

Renaissance

2007-08-25T12:32:00.000+08:00

I'm taking this socio-political module on Art history in britain and Singapore. Nationalism and the arts. I LOVE IT!!! haha.. My eyes are kept WIDE OPEN for every second of the lesson!!

I love the Brit accent.. renaissance pronouncing it as re-NAY-ssance.. instead of REnaissance.. n yes, i was a little annoyed by/with MEL! (YES U!) laughed at my brit pronunciation of the word! ya la, ur england oso very powderful lah.. :P

It just goes to show, certain pronunciations ARENT that universal.. so are certain facts.. sometimes i get very annoyed with certain individuals (not u Mel, dun worry) ahaha.. cos that person likes to pop in 'fact-of-the-day' into conversations randomly, as if to draw attention to the vacuum of knowledge that person has.

It's really quite disruptive and distracting when you are talking halfway and someone butts in with a queer fact which, pardon me, which does not make sense to any one else. It didn't help that despite the violent objection of the much more learned people around, la-personne-en-question insisted on being right to the end of the bottomless pit of my patience.

Humility has its place. Insecurity and Inferiority complex do not.

Was talking to a couple of people the interesting things i've learnt from my lessons, and nobody's interested! well, all except Char and my couz. I told char I miss talking to her and exchanging knowledge of what we've learnt. cos it's really amazing knowing about those stuffs! char said she felt that she can't talk to many people about those things too.. :(

I think I get bored of people easily sometiems, that's cos i feel that there's no depth in the conversation, there's no depth in the discovery, we don't grow together, and we don't learn together.

Friendships can thrive in mismatching timetables, but not mismatching life attitude. Some friendships just, become stagnant. and you wonder why, it's not cos you two had any conflicts, or you two have anyone who better suits u as a friend in mind, it's just, that you can't grow together anymore. I guess the same goes for relationships.

Anyway! i met up with Bob!! and he treated me to The King and I musical! IT'S REALLY GOOD!!! I really like the Thai dance!! it reminds me a little big of the wayang kulis (duno if it's spelt this way) the shadow puppet show in indonesia. It's got this rigidity, yet there's a softness and elegance. I wonder if there is any symbiotic relation between the two. Or mayb both just developed independently of each other. *shrug*

I am contemplating on watching Larry Carlton's performance of his groove-driven blue music performance on 30 Sept.. 60 bucks for students. hmm.. shall see when my spur of the moment hits me. haha..

Shoot, i've been writing so many emails to people recently that I almost signed off my own blog with rgds, pan. gosh. haha.. anyway Just a preview of our HCAEPexhibition coming up!! Project Tao! as in PEach in chinese. haha :)

U never know..

2007-08-21T01:36:00.003+08:00

You never know.. when shit happens.
You never know.. when you will change your mind on something.
You never know..

I'm glad that I'll never know..

Legal Lecture

2007-08-18T10:25:00.000+08:00

Had my first legal lecture yesterday.. the first question the lecturer asked was.. What is law?

haha.

I thought to myself. The law is reason free from passion -Aristotle. LOL

How blonde is that!!

Well, I muttered to myself actually, and the guy next to me, Mike, looked at me strangely and said.. you sound like an arts student. LOL

well. Once an Arts student, always an Arts student! :)

Obsession

2007-08-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

This Summer, Jap food is IN

2007-08-05T12:34:00.000+08:00

This hols I FINALLY Met up with Pin Nee and Catherine, my fellow playmates from the french musical we acted in. We went to Sun & Moon restaurant at Wheelock. Realli ni food they have.. realli ex too.. ahah Pin Nee's leaving for Paris to study language for a yr!!

Anyway, I went with my couz n Markus Ang to Singapore Art Museum and National Museum that day.. oh did I mention? I went Science Centre too!! haha.. Though people'll go like : but I think ti's a good chance to know more stuffs during the hols. u need pple to make u go to these places..

Markus Ang

2007-08-05T12:27:00.000+08:00

These are the fotos taken when I was hanging out with Markus

LOL! yes hahahahaha..

He's a German who's studying his ph.d in Philosophy in Yale. haha yes, camwhore is my favourite past time, and you can see that it's CONTAGIOUS!! LOL!!

Beltiful

2007-08-05T12:18:00.000+08:00

THIS is the Beltiful Bel. haha.. Great buddy to hang out with! He was game enough to join me at MOX. haha.. good job buddy! and yes, i thoroughly abused the chance to take foto w him cos he looks like a HK star!! ahha..

Just Musing

2007-08-05T12:13:00.000+08:00

I'm just thinking about my friend's name. Bel. It's a he. And I wonder if beautiful is a feminine or masculine word.

Assuming that it has its roots in French (sorry i didn't take Latin, this is as good as I can get)

Beau is for male
Belle is for female

so Beautiful, technically comes from the male word for good looking. In essence, can I assume that it should most aptly be used for male? So at which point in time, did it evolve to be a word mainly associated to female? Shouldn't we be Belletiful? or Beltiful? haha..

Every exit leads to an entrance elsewhere

2007-08-05T11:55:00.001+08:00

It is said that every exit leads to an entrance elsewhere, so when people leave your life, they enter into someone else's. And i believe there is a cycle of coming and going. When people leave, others will come, but never to take their places.

When I spend too much time with some people, I start to draw back.
The usual excuse: I'm bored of it.
The plausible reason: I'm afraid of getting too used to it.

I think after a while, I just got so tired of change that I initiate changes.

Was talking to a friend about long-distance relationships. She seems rather depressed that she always gets into long-distance relationships. And it is frustrating because you need him by your side at certain vulnerable point in your life. My cousin said that love needs maintenance, cultivation and time to blossom. If you are not by that person, growing with him, accepting him for the various phrases in his life as he grows and changes, you are bound to not understand where he came from when he does certain things, and conflict arises.

I think that I can handle long-distance relationship.

Then again, like Marvin said, it's not me, it's whether the other party can trust me.

Ryan said that I don't give people the impression of being a stable girlfriend.

I guess the best compliment I ever received from any guy is Bel who commented that I'm 賢良淑德的pan pan. I was surprised to see that comment, yet it touched me so much. I like to misrepresent myself through visual stimulants to others, and certain things I say made people mistake me for something that I am not, unintentionally.

It's alright, I guess. Nobody walks through life getting everything he/she wants.

If what goes around comes around, then one day he'll find me, and he'll love me.=]

Things I've done

2007-08-04T17:30:00.000+08:00

1)
() smoked a cigarette
() smoked a cigar
() done weed
(/) kissed a member of the same sex
(/) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 2

2)
(/) liked someone
(/) been dumped
(/) shoplifted
() been fired
(/) been in a fist fight.
SO FAR: 6

3)
(/) had feelings for someone whodidn't have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone out on a blind date
SO FAR: 7

4)
(/) had a crush on an older person.
(/) skipped school
() slept with a co-worker
() seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 9

5)
()had/have a crush on yourFRIENDSTER friends
(/) been to Paris
( ) been to Spain
(/) been on a plane
(/) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 12

6)
(/) eaten Sushi
() been snowboarding (sandboarding)
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
() been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 13

7)
() been in an abusive relationship
() taken pain killers
(/) love/like someone right now
(/) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
() made a snow angel
SO FAR: 15

8)
() had a tea party
(/) flown a kite
(/) built a sand castle
() gone puddle jumping
(/) played dress up
SO FAR: 18

9)
(/) jumped into a pile of leaves
() gone sledding
(/) cheated while playing a game
(/) been lonely
(/) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 22

10)
() used a fake/someone else's ID
(/) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake
SO FAR: 23

11)
(/) been tickled
() been robbed/vandalized
() robbed someone
(/) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer.
SO FAR: 25

12)
(/) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
() had detention
() been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 26

13)
() had/have braces
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream inone night
(/) had deja vu
() danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 27

14)
(/) hated the way you look
() witnessed a crime
() pole danced
(/) questioned your heart
() been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 29

15)
() squished barefoot through the mud
(/) been lost
(/) been to the opposite side of theworld
() swam in the ocean
() felt like you were dying.
SO FAR: 31

16)
(/) cried yourself to sleep
(/) played cops and robbers
() recently got coloured withcrayons/colored, pencils/markers.
(/) sang karaoke
(/) paid for a meal with only coins
SO FAR: 35

17)
(/) done something you told yourselfyou wouldn't
(/) made prank phone calls
(/) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
() kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 38

18)
() written a letter to Santa Claus
() been kissed under a mistletoe
() watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(/) blown bubbles
()made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 39

19)
() crashed a party
() have traveled more than 5 dayswith a car full of people
(/)gone roller skating/ blading
(/) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
SO FAR: 41

20)
(/) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed "penis" at a sport game.
( ) swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 42

21)
() got your tongue stuck to apole/freezer/ice cube
() kissed a fish
() worn the opposite sex clothes
() Sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 42

22)
(/) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) can do a one-handed cartwheel
(/) talked on the phone for more than 3 hours
(/)stayed up all night
SO FAR: 45

23)
() picked and ate a fruit right offthe tree
( ) climbed a tree
( ) had/been in a tree house
(/) aren't scared to watch scary movies alone.
SO FAR: 46

25)
(/) believe in ghosts
() have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail, remand counted?
SO FAR: 47

Frank Sinatra

2007-08-03T10:22:00.000+08:00

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage
This I tell you brother
You cant have one without the other

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Its an institute you cant disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say its elementary

Try, try, try to separate them
Its an illusion
Try, try, try, and you will only come
To this conclusion

Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by mother
You cant have one,
You cant have none,
You cant have one without the other

Talent Enrichment Programme

2007-07-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

Time flies!

Met 30 wonderful friends, had helluva time together..and then it comes the time to say bye to some..

I can't help but feel lost and sada bout it. Just when you thought that you will be used to such partings in life, you realise that it just takes its toll on you.

*sigh*

Next, more and more friends are leaving.. to further places, on the other side of the planet.

I miss you.